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Need to get rid of this helplessness, pathetic, useless tierd feeling. Still lying in bed shouting at myself to get up. Got paperwork to sort, got three weeks of washing up not that much but it's piled up but no hot water emmersion switch is broken, can't be bothered to boil the kettle umpteen times. been using paper plates and plastic cups recently or just not eating properly thats nothng new. Cobwebs appearing all over th place haven't cleaned for ages including myself. Piles of clothes need folding and puttng away, I wash my work clothes so i look reasonableish.
been having nightmares, weird dreams, visions and thinking what stupid things i can do next to take risks and see what happens. did go out with a pal yesterday we went to the beach I tried to drown myself few years back bought bad visons of that too and memories of how I failed at that, she didn't know I didn't say anything. If she wan't there I would of walked in again that's how I felt.
got to kick myself up the backside and get out of this blasted hole i'm as it seems to be getting deeper and deeper.
Moan over going to have an ice cream for my breakfast. Taht;s a start.....
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