Just a moan!!!!

Posted , 3 users are following.

Need to get rid of this helplessness, pathetic, useless tierd feeling. Still lying in bed shouting at myself to get up. Got paperwork to sort, got three weeks of washing up not that much but it's piled up but no hot water emmersion switch is broken, can't be bothered to boil the kettle umpteen times. been using paper plates and plastic cups recently  or just not eating properly thats nothng new. Cobwebs appearing all over th place haven't cleaned for ages including myself. Piles of clothes need folding and puttng away, I wash my work clothes so i look reasonableish.

been having nightmares, weird dreams, visions and thinking what stupid things i can do next to take risks and see what happens. did go out with a pal yesterday we went to the beach I tried to drown myself few years back bought bad visons of that too and memories of how I failed at that, she didn't know I didn't say anything. If she wan't there I would of walked in again that's how I felt.

got to kick myself up the backside and get out of this blasted hole i'm as it seems to be getting deeper and deeper.

Moan over going to have an ice cream for my breakfast. Taht;s a start.....

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    hi

    I know exactly how it feels like to be in such a situation but the best about you Tina is the fact that you have an opportunity to hung up with friends, thats great.If you feel uncomfortable with the beach cause it reminds you of an attempt of drowning yourself you can avoid those places for the time being actually is for the best.

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  • Posted

    Bless you Trina

    I've been there this is depression at its finest isn't it?

    If we let it it takes over everything and we just function like exactly what you are saying as it's so tiring, draining makes you feel all kinds of bad things.

    The post you wrote could havr been me a few years ago.

    Washing to do the house a mess not getting up out of bed. Clothes piled high to do. stuff to put away stuff piled by my bedside. Not openimg the post it got overwhelming but I could not be arsed with it that was the way I was feeling!!!

    Everyday I'd get up,go work, go home then take myself off to bed. That went on for about three years. A terrible time.

    You've recognised as you've said you need to kick yourself up the backside.That's exactly what I had too do. It wasn't getting done on its own.I was just adding to it!!

    All I can say is if you were to tidy up you would feel better about your surroundings but its all an effort when you are feeling like this I get that totally.

    I see that you can get yourself to work and you make the effort for them but not yourself...

    I realised I needed to clean up and try to get a bit of normality in my life. I got a bit of motivation.

    So i got me marigolds on... I did a room a day.. I was well chuffed by a few days it was spotless and It felt really good.I'm not saying it wasn't an effort.

    so I have a bit of routine now I keep on top of it.. I know how it can get.

    I also found that once everything was tidy and I could find things! I took more care with myself.

    Boring but routine is good and eating properly will help. You know this I'm sure but it's the doing.

    I have been there !!

    I still have bad days oh yes but at least I look around where i am it clean and tidy I'm not thinking look at the state off this where do I start why dI'd I let it get like it.

    I hope you are seeing someone as it sounds it a bad time for you right now Reach out..Maybe if explained to your friends they may help you tidy up just a thought.my mother help a couple of days!!

    Hey Trina Don't be harsh on yourself there's many many people out there that can get up out of bed and are struggling right now you are not the only one you're not alone.

    Sorry it's a long reply but I totally get this.

    Let us know how you are doing hey?

    Vicky x

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    • Posted

      Hi Vicky

      thanks for your reply, I know if I buck my ideas up and do start I will do it but at the moment i don't see any point just doing it for me. Then I'll go mad and do it all, then let it slide again. The last time I had a pile of washing up I just smashed it all that sorted that problem took a few days to sweep it all up. 

      I did one positive thing yesterday i actually changed my bed.

      Did get up and sit out in he sunshine watching the world go by this afternoon,I don't have any really close friends the woman I go walking with I met less than a year ago when she started at my work. still building the trust on that one. My son is always too busy until he wants something and he has his own family. I hate being a pain to other people.

      I'm glad you have got yourself into a routine and can see and feel the difference I'll get there just got to get started yet again. I know I;m isolating myself again, been cancelling my exercise classes too.

      you keep those positive vibes going Vicky.

      thank you

      Tina x

       

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  • Posted

    Tina I feel for you.

    The thing is most people just don't comprehend depression. Know that it's just your thinking that's creating your low feelings, and with practice you can change your thinking to improve your feelings. 

    Everything in in life is in a state of constant change. Nothing stays the same forever. This will pass. You will enjoy feelings of happiness again. Keep the faith.

    Best wishes

    Danny

    x

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