Just been diagnosed.. feeling very ill and upset

Posted , 6 users are following.

about 4 days ago i had my first outbreak, I tryed to tell my boyfried that he gave it to me and he hung up and i called him 51 times- he says he never knew but i don't believe him as i told him to get tested for std's before. I feel alone and discusting and ill and i don't think i will ever find anyone who will understand and who will want to be with me now- I feel that at 18 i have messed up my life sad

0 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Lou_Lou,

    First of all sorry to hear that you have this issue. I agree with how you think he may have given it too you, but you have to consider what it would be like in his shoes when someone accuses him of having this and giving it to you. Yes, he may have given it to you, but it might have been better to approach this more delicately.

    When I found out I had herpes I was told that it doesn't always show up on the tests for a good few months.

    People understand herpes. It's nothing more than a cold sore, its just where it is that is the problem. I'm 21 and only found out a month ago and now I don't even consider it. I'm aware it's there but I don't let it get to me. I have become healthier because of this.

    I was seeing a girl when I found out and I told her and she slapped me and refused to talk to me and told my mates...I was a wreck after that. However...I met another girl and went on a few dates with her, and when I told her she laughed and said "is that it?!". Bottom line is that if people let this get in the way then they aren't the sort of people you want around you. 

     

    • Posted

      Ohh when I told him I said how I now have it and how it could have been him that gave it too me but he was very unreasonable eventhough I know it is big news sad I havn't got my test results back yet but im on medication for it atm. 

      And omg you are so lucky you found a girl that said that! Im sorry to hear about what happened with your partner at the time but it looks like you met someone so understanding, my hard part would be telling someone ( i.e a potental guy) that I now have this virus.

    • Posted

      Does the medications seem to be working? It is big news and I imagine he will now go to get checked out. Don't let how he reacted get you down...I know it's easier to say but he might just need time to cool down!

      Thanks, but I have only started seeing her but told her before anything happened. I'm at Uni and we used to go out on nights out as well as date so I was very concerned that something might happen after a night out...hence why I just told her!

      There are lots of websites about how to tell people and it is honestly a lot easier than you think! I really messed it up the first time...but the sencond I just dropped it into the conversation whilst walking to a pub. If you make it seem like a huge deal then people will react in a worse way! 

    • Posted

      Yeah it is working well and the doctor said that he propably already knew thats why im freaked out too! and awwwwwh thats soo cute!!!!! I hope all the best!! and im going to google these websites and I really don't no the best way to tell some one! Thank you 
    • Posted

      Hey lou lou it's ok I met a man, well kept me tell you first I'm was 45 when I met my man he was the same ageafter 2 yrs of dating a month holiday and buying g a house he finally decided to tell me, it took him almost an hour to tell me I felt for him but whilst I was waiting for this sonething he needed to talk to me about I was feeling sick thinking hexwanted to end it. Anyway he told me and actually I was more angry he didn't feel he could tell me earlier, he had told one girl once and she slapped him and finished it, to me people like that are ignorant and never really cared or loved in the first place I told him so what I dont care I love you and that's that, he used to get the out break twice a years since he told me 6 months ago he hasn't had it, see stress makes iteasier  worse,  so you will meet someone who cares for. You be strong eat healthy and do not worry.  but you have to also remember your boyfriend may not have known he had it

      Well good look and be strong xx

  • Posted

    i'm only 19 and only have had 2 sexual partners. trust me i know how you feel. i felt so disgusting when i was diagnosed as well. but you are not alone. luckily my boyfriend understood. but some people don't have outbreaks whatsoever. so he might have it and just doesn't know. you need to try and make him look up about herpes, so he can understand more about what it is. but you haven't messed up your life you just need to figure out how to cope with it and see what works for you. good luck honey!

     

    • Posted

      Yeah but im finding it hard but i am couping better now smile thanks
  • Posted

    Hi Lou_Lou,

    Firstly, you're still young, so do not feel rejected - it's not fault in the first place. A true person would tell their partner if they had any previous tests and they had comeback positive, okay there are many guys these days that won't even go to a doctor for anything that is relating to STD's, etc.

    If you've tried over 50 times to get his reaction? Is he really worth it Lou? It's a big world we live in, and not all guys are the same - and certainly do not stoop to low levels. There are many guys that would listen to you, I know of some couples that even been to the doctors together, basically it's a case of putting the truth out in the open initially. At least you're doing something about it, but can you trust your boyfriend? They may seem a bit harsh, but look at the way he has treated you.

    You should never feel it's your fault, when you find that right person, hold off and tell them you have been previously diagnosed - you will be surprised by some guy's, they certainly will not react like your previous boyfriiend did, just class that has one bad experience. You do not want to end up on anti-depressants like some people, they are addictive and will probably make you feel worse.

    This may sound strange coming from me, but do your parents know, about your issues? The reason I ask is because my wife and myself, have always brought our children to be forthcoming with any problems. Well, I say our children they are getting on now, youngest daughter is 14 years old, middle boy is 19 and our eldest is 24. Because we have brought them up with having an open mind on anything our daughter was never embarressed when she first started her periods, and our middle son was unnsure about having a sexual relationship with his girlfriend, don't get me wrong she was a pretty girl - but also a reputation, so we persuaded him to ask her if they could both have tests done. Now, they are trying for a child - they both passed negative on the tests done - so we were happy for them.

    I know most parents do not bring up or chat about what would normally embarress others - but believe me, if you are down to earth with your parents, you maybe surprised about the outcome of matters that may trouble you in the future. We believe a child should always be able to talk about anything.

    Anyway, I hope you get sorted out and think about what I said, you maybe surprised by the outcome - not everyone is so open on subjects, but these days we think it is an essential part of growing up. Schools these days seem useless in many ways, but that's gov't cutbacks for you.

    Regards,

    Les.

    • Posted

      This is a really nice reply- thank you for taking your time to write it. I do not have that type of relationship wiht my parents and if anything i would tell my mum but i actually live wiht my dad. I find that people like you are helping me without the support of my parents as well, it is really good you have that with your kids though. I have thought about it and i eneded up breaking up with my boyfriend and will wait till i find someone i really like and trust to tell them - it is just hard but thank you so much
    • Posted

      Good for you Lou Lou. It's hard I'm sure but time will help. He will either understand that he was being unreasonable and even selfish for not getting tested or he won't. Guys do need time. So maybe it will turn around but it sounds like you dud the right thing to take care of yourself. 

      I also just wanted to say. I was diagnosed about 4 or 5 years ago and after a couple months I've barely had breakouts. It has helped me love myself more. I've had to because I just felt so icky but I couldn't live that way. So I turned that corner and it's still challenging to talk about (this forum is great) but I'm not in a crisis anymore. I'm me, just stronger smile 

      i loved what tom said about his girl saying is that it? Most of the guys I've told have been amazing about it. Very caring and still wanting to be with me. My latest guy was not the case at all. He was pretty mean.  So I'm glad for the support here as well. smile 

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