Just discovered I have Herpes need advice
Posted , 3 users are following.
I recently began dating the most wonderful woman I've ever met whom I've known for years. Well we live in separate states I just went to go see her. Prior to her I got tested as a precaution. Well we first had intercourse for first time and I got a bad friction burn from a piece of clothing I attempted to move to the side. We both know the cause of the burn as we both saw it happen and I felt it. Prior to this I've never had any symptoms. 4 days later she is having what sounds like an outbreak. I'm back home at this time and discovered I have hsV-2. Didn't have on test prior to this one. Well now because of my burn I'm sure I gave her hsv-2. I wasn't aware I had it until now which I immediately told her. Well she hates me she says "I ruined her life". She's having a bad "OB". She can't get tested to be sure until Friday but we're both sure it is what it is. I have a huge feeling of guilt and I'm madly in love with this woman. I'm attempting to give her space but also can't imagine the thought of being without her. I also am diagnosed with PTSD and she's been the only woman whom has made me feel safe and happy for once. I'm not sure what to do as I don't got many people to talk to other than her. She don't know if she can remain with me because she blames me for this even if I was unaware I had it. I'm sure it's just time she needs but my anxiety is so high. Just looking for words of wisdom I suppose thank you!
1 like, 5 replies
sarah53590 Famousaf11
Posted
Sorry to hear you're going through this. I believe you've come to the right place though! Seems like lots of people find the words they need here.
When I self diagnosed while I was waiting for my dr appt to arrive (5 days later), I was devestated when I realized the bumps turned to blisters and what that meant. I was in ROUGH shape for about 2 days. From what I read in forums (mostly here and Reddit), people are strangely nearly universally devestated to the point of thinking their life is over, myself included. In fact, this is one of the things that helped me through it, that and reading forum comments from people who are beyond that stage (weeks, months, years, decades) who have felt that way and now feel it's no big deal at all.
So, here's what else helped me? :
Time (diagnosed Oct 17)
My supportive boyfriend who sees no reason to change our sex life, but is also fine if during ob, we just 'make love with my undies on' if things are sensitive. I told him how this made me feel better and how I'm happy he doesn't find me unattractive and I felt even better he seemed confused I questioned he would find me attractive.
Education on transmission rates, how to reduce them to nearly 0% chance and treatments
Education on how many people have GH 1or2 (25%) and 60% oral hsv1.
I would hardly care at all if I already had kids, or didn't plan on having any. maybe she can find comfort in that if she doesn't want or already has kids?
Online stories of people who go on to have kids, keep or find love and live happy lives.
My suggestion: if you feel she needs space, and any of this strikes a cord with you, pass it on to her. So she has space if she wants, write her a letter. Sounds to me, you don't find her any less attractive, be sure to let her know. Tell her some of how you feel comfortable and safe with her (saying something good about her might make her feel better and also to assure her you're still at her side and in this together). Tell her, even if it is HSV, it's not the end of the world. Tell her you're not happy about it either, but you don't see any reason for your relationship to change and you see many great days ahead for you two, if she will allow it. If you haven't already, be sure to say you're sorry if you did give it to her.
Hope some of this helps! Hang in there, keep your chin up.
Famousaf11 sarah53590
Posted
Thanks Sarah.
I haven't really processed the fact of me having GH. I haven't had an outbreak so maybe when I do it'll change my views.
I care more about helping her through this. No she isn't any less beautiful to me in my eyes. It's hard to say but even if it was something she had prior time and told me I'd still love her the same. Finding a connection with someone is much deeper than this in my humble opinion.
Glad you and your BF can make it though this and are happy as can be!
sarah53590 Famousaf11
Posted
Yea, it sounded like you were either handling your diagnosis very well, or not yet processed it. :-). My boyfriend was pretty calm about it too, though he has never had symptoms and didn't know he had it till my ob.
A couple things I forgot to mention might help your lady:
I've read Oragel is good for numbing ob pain. Apply right to genitals, apparently. Would help her out till she gets to a doc.
If her urine burns, make sure she's drinking enough water, around half her weight in oz... For ex: she's 140 lb = 70oz water.
Keep the area dry. Pat dry after shower. I've read of using baby or talcum powder or cornstarch.
There's other homeopathic remedies too, such as lemon balm tea wash, salt baths, lemon balm/Melissa officinalis essential oil (diluted with carrier oil), olive leaf oral supplement, neem plant supplement, eccinacea herb supplement.
dora29322 Famousaf11
Posted
Stay true ♡♡♡
sarah53590 Famousaf11
Posted
Your story was particularly touching and I'm hoping to hear things are going better? Best wishes