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Just feel so guilty and don't know quite why

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sam18386
sam18386

This is an update of the fun that I had yesterday with my counsellor, where she saw more anger over the events of my past than anyone had ever seen, should I feel guilty if I swore in anger when trying to explain how my dad felt that day when I came home having being raped, or am I worrying unnecessarily?  Feel better but worse in a way that it's all starting to come out and the more I talk the more scary it is getting, also how do I get round NOT taking antidepressants and convincing my doctor that no is the correct response as I really don't want them, I've tried them before and they weren't useful then!

0 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • sarahMcD
    sarahMcD sam18386

    Posted

    Hi Sam,

    I have only joined this forum and came across your post. I am just wondering how things have went?

    I have been in therapy for the past 6 months with an amazing therapist, she is the third one I have been to and finally feel I have found the right one. Anyway last week was my first proper breakdown. My T kept telling me to connect with my anger and last week it happened. I went into a trance and could not stop hyperventilating and saying over and over how 'I hate him'. T was amazing , telling me to shout it out louder but I felt so guilty leaving her office, and I felt this week I was back to where I started with little emotion aside from panic and fear! I am also staying clear of medication and trying to tell my GP that I dont need it.T thinks I am doing well but sometimes she mentions me speaking to my GP again about meds, if I think I might need it she always says..which makes me think maybe I do and I am not doing as well as I think or she says. Anyway I dont think you should in anyway feel guilty for swearing at all, its all part of it and your T is most likely very used to that.

    How has it been going since that nsession?

    • sam18386
      sam18386 sarahMcD

      Posted

      Hi Sarah, thanks for responding. I think I have found the correct counsellor but feel unsure how to let go so she can see how I feel. I get the impression I will be there a while and don't know if Iike the idea yet. In terms of medication I think I don't need them so will not take them. No way no how this was buried due to letting my family down by my mother! I've had some frightening flashbacks but just let them go, my counsellor feels i' lol be OK so I am going to take her advice. I need to trust someone and don't quite yet. How long have you had help for? X

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