Just found out I have herpes
Posted , 5 users are following.
I've posted this on another site so if you've seen it twice I apologize...
I'm 22 and was just diagnosed with H while traveling overseas. I had met this guy, and we started with condoms. After a few times and some drinks, it didn't get used. A few days later I had moved islands and left him, and saw what looked like a tear on the inside of my vagina lip, it worsened quickly and more "tears" began to appear. After 3 days of indescribable pain and going to three hospitals,I was ready to get real answers, expecting to have been torn from rough sex and them been infected. To my surprise and dismay, I was told right away it was herpes, contracted most likely from the guy I had just met. I am devastated, not only did that end my trip and make it the worst decision of my life to go over there, and a giant waste of money, but I had to sit on a plane in pain for 29 hours to get back home.
I am so ashamed, embarrassed, and disgusted with myself. And it's even worse because it was in no way worth it, I regret everything. I don't want people to know I'm home because I don't want to have to answer why I am early or what's wrong with me. I feel like if people look at me they're going to know what I have and that I'm dirty and be made fun of and called a whore. People around here don't accept things like this at all, and I can't blame them because I wouldn't either. I haven't stopped crying since I found out and I don't want to leave my room. I can't look my parents in the eye. I don't want to talk to anyone. I feel like no one is going to ever want me. I have struggled with bad depression and relationships as it is, and rarely find someone I like. Now when I finally do find someone every now and then they aren't going to want me. And I can't blame them because I wouldn't want me either. I wouldn't want to be with someone that had herpes, so I can't expect them to either. And I don't want to give it to them. I don't want to continue with any part of my normal life because I am disgusted and embarrassed with myself and I just want it to go away but there's nothing I can do to change it. My parents are supportive but they don't understand how the people my age here are. They're so judgmental and follow stigmas very closely. And if I do ever attempt to tell someone, I know they're going to be disgusted and want nothing to do with me, as well as go tell all of their friends and then everyone will know. I'm also scared I'm going to have a lot of outbreaks, because this first one has been the worst pain I've been in in my entire life. And I'm scared I'll have issues keeping a job due to this because I have been struggling to move for a few days. I also have found myself thinking it doesn't matter if I gain weight or don't take care of my appearance now anyways because no one will want me as it is. I'm so devastated and alone I don't know what to do, I've had so many other issues already in my life this was the absolute last thing I needed. I don't want to be here, I just want it to be gone and be normal again, but it never will be. I'm miserable and feel life is over and so soooo angry.
To make matters worse things with my ex have started to get better and I was suppose to go see him for my birthday next week. (Great bday figuring this out huh
) Now I'm not going, feel awkward even talking to him about normal things. I feel I'm never going to get to be with him again. I can't imagine telling him, and even if I did he wouldn't run, he's a hypochondriac as it is and would be appalled. He's going to be so upset and confused about why I don't want to hang out or have sex with him and he's gonna keep trying and saying no is going to be so hard but I can't tell him or risk him getting it.
0 likes, 21 replies
YoureNotAlone Qwerty94
Posted
Louise_15130 Qwerty94
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Hi just wanted to try and reassure you it does get abit easier. I'm 31 and was giving herpes by my ex boyfriend nearly two years ago. I went through the exact same as you started off with what looked like tears and the pain was unbearable. I then went on to get recurrent outbreaks probably one every month for nearly the first year and every 3 of months after that. I've recently just started on an anti viral I take everyday so I'm hoping that keeps the outbreaks at bay. I recently met someone for the first time since being told and the anxiety I had about telling him made me not eat for 2 weeks! I eventually told him after a few wines, and he took it rather well. We still slept together we're not talking anymore but that's nothing to do with that but it has give me the confidence that I didn't have before that no one would ever want me. It's still hard to live with and I've recently opened up and told my close friends who have all been amazing and made it a lot easier for me to talk about it and it not feel like a dirty secret. I'm slowly comin to terms with it and it's not the end of the world there are ways to prevent a partner from getting it which I didn't think there was and anyone worth your time will look past it. The way I see it now is that no one makes a big deal if you get cold sores. There's just such a stigma towards anything sexually transmitted. Anyone who's had sex once can get this virus so don't be to hard on yourself. I hope you start to feel better about it soon, it might not seem it now but it will get easier x
Qwerty94 Louise_15130
Posted
Thank you for sharing your story... I almost wish I was older because people my age are so immature I'm scared to even tell my friends because I feel like someone would tell, let alone any of the guys my age becuase I know they would. This wouldnt be so bad if it wasn't for the stigma, I can deal with the physical issues... but the social issues and the psychological issues that will develop because of the social issues i dont know if i can take.
Louise_15130 Qwerty94
Posted
I know the stigma is awful I can't even say the word herpes out loud, I just say the cold sore virus when I've told my friends. It's hard seeing so many people on here thinking there life is over because of it (which I did st first) but by doing lots of research and knowing my body this is the longest I've not had an outbreak for. I suffer from a lot of nerve pain down my legs and back and get the normal tingling sensation as soon as I feel that I would get a course of anti virals and it would stop the actual outbreak I'd still get the prodrome symptoms for a few days but no actual sores. Now I'm on anti virals everyday I'm hoping to not get them atall fingers crossed. I only came on here a couple of weeks ago it's the first time I've ever joined an online forum about anything, but it's really helped me knowing I'm not alone, everyone on here knows what your going through x
Itslife Qwerty94
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Everyone on here basically understands what you are going through. I'm 24 and just been diagnosed with HSV2 on Thursday the 3rd.
Never in my entire life did I think I would have to tell someone that I have herpes. Well I had to do just that with my current boyfriend. I was so scared, I tried my best to not cry I said it over and over and over again in my truck. I saw him and when I said I have gential herpes I lost it. He was accepting to it (because we don't know if he has it or not). He tried hugging me and comforting me and I felt grossed I felt like I was damaged.
I'm starting to accept it and learn new things about it. What I can do to help avoid another outbreak. Which medicines help better. It is very very hard to accept. I'm thankfully good with change and understanding how my body works.
I felt discomfort in my vagina and thought great a uti is coming but it was the beginning of my outbreak. Now I'm aware. The first outbreak is the most painful (so I've been told) it's my 9th day with my sores and I have finally pee without crying plus medicine helped.
I completely understand about your mom. I'm afraid of what people will think. What my mom will think.
It's a struggle that A LOT of people go through. Being on this forum there are so many helpful people out there that just want you to have a good life while dealing with herpes.
FelizCastus Qwerty94
Posted
Which HSV type do you have and was it confirmed by swab test? There's a big difference between the two types.
Qwerty94 FelizCastus
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I have not gotten the results back yet, I will today or tomorrow... but from the severity and stuff I've just been kind of assuming HSV2
FelizCastus Qwerty94
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You'd be surprised, but sometimes the worst genital outbreaks are caused by HSV1. Did your giver perform oral sex on you during your encounter? If so, then hopefully that's what you have, because it's so much easier for you and others to accept HSV1, which is super common as an oral infection and far less bothersome (for most people) and less infectious when acquired genitally. This is why type is important, and why I always ask first before offering advice/support. Keep up posted!
FelizCastus
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Qwerty94 FelizCastus
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it is hsv1. as far as oral, yes but it was very brief and i didnt see anything on his mouth or genitals. yesterday my lips started tingling and i had a weird looking pimple on my face. i put abreva on my lips and it has stopped and the "pimple" on my chin looks better... could that be a herpes bump on my chin?? and is there a way to find out if i have it orally too or just genitally if i dont have a cold sore or anything on my lip?
FelizCastus Qwerty94
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Without anything to swab at the location, you can't really say, I'm afraid, while the blood test only proves that you have it somewhere.
Qwerty94 FelizCastus
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thank you, guess i'll find out eventually
another separate question, I saw HIV is 2-3x more likely to be contracted when you have hsv2, is it the same for hsv1?
FelizCastus Qwerty94
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No, not in the same way. Obviously, any condition that can cause open sores increases the risk if exposed to HIV, so you still have that risk although HSV1 outbreaks tend to be infrequent, but HSV2 increases the risk by another means (to do with sending CD4 cells to the skin's surface to 'patrol' for herpes, but those are the same cells that HIV is attracted to; this does not appear to happen with HSV1).
Qwerty94 FelizCastus
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FelizCastus Qwerty94
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Qwerty94 FelizCastus
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FelizCastus Qwerty94
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Qwerty94 FelizCastus
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FelizCastus Qwerty94
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Qwerty94 FelizCastus
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OK, thank you so much for all the answers! My doctor didn't really know that much
FelizCastus Qwerty94
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Regarding your last question about the risk to someone performing oral, the risk should still be less than kissing someone with HSV1 or having sex with an HSV2 carrier. Just to put things in perspective. Also, new infections typically shed more than established ones, so after a few months, things should be better in that respect.