Just getting sh*t out of my head
Posted , 7 users are following.
Quite alot lately ive been thinking about my suicide (really every second im not distacted by something), ive been picturing my funeral, my parents and siblings crying as im lowered into the ground, sounds terrible but thats just what im thinking. I still havnt seen a doctor or therapist, Just hasnt happened because i dont have the motivation to even leave my room. I have tried to cry but i really cant feel emotion, my family are really noticing that. Im always hoping to be bedriden by some accident or sickness, though i would feel bad for the person made to look after me. Schools over for now so i have zero distraction from these thoughts except video games which i know are not good for me and im wasting my life, as im constantly told, but if i didnt have them i would have stepped into traffic years ago, ive been feeling like this as long as i remember and my parents dont think its that big of a deal because i havnt even scratched the surface when explaining how i feel. Sorry for this, i know that someone will say you just have to talk to someone but i would never tell full truths and get wronly diagnosed and i would tell a counciler, if thay asked how i was doing, that i was better when im not. Thats just how i am, no changing that.I know that someone will say to just talk to someone but i dont see the point. Really dont want to continue living, only reason im still here is because i found this sight while researching painless suicide methods.
(not really worrying about punctuation just rambling)
3 likes, 10 replies
Guest
Posted
maria_1963 Guest
Posted
I suggest you listen to Hypercat as she always gives very good advice , if you are able to go an see your doctor or if you are at school could you speak to a teacher who you know would understand an be able to advise you - point you in the right direction , i would suggest going to A&E if you are really struggling as they can get a mental health worker who will be on duty to come an see you , like Hypercat i have looked for easy ways out but i always return to Tablets an another method which i will not say on here as i do not want to give you or others the idea , i have only been in hospital once this year with an overdose - 2nd January but that was because my physical health ( was frustrating me that i could only do so little whereas i always used to be so active prior to 2015 ) an i didn't want to go through another year of not being able to do so much , i survived like all the times the previous year when i Od - March - August 2015 , my family & friends are aware of how i feel . A few years ago a friend eldest son E ( early 20's ) hung himself in their garage - E was discovered by his younger brother and his dad , he died a few days later , they were a close family , E went abroad to the USA sometimes on his own to visit family , they were active when the sons an daughter were younger - walks to forests , etc , so was unbelievable why E did what he did , last year - Summer 2015 i asked this friend if she blamed E for what he did , she said No , just wished he could had spoken to us about how he was feeling , he had told his little brother that he thought he hadn't done anything with his life , she says she wakes the same time each day , thinks of him when she is near the sea ( we live in a seaside town ) an says to herself that E would be out in the sea enjoying it , when she told me that E had lost his job ( not his fault was the recession - that took many lives sadly ) i told her that was the trigger factor , he loved that job . If only he could had got through that depressive stage he would be back to full feeling life , his little brother is now early 20's an working outdoors like E used to , sister a few years older who has been to University , working now also with a very good job . Please try an reach out to someone , i am early 50's so i am not so bothered about the future but you have a life ahead of you , a world to explore , joys to see , maybe a family at a later date , But do what many of us do - take each day as it comes , survive that day , then the next an so on , there are also charities you can contact . Please take care xx
hypercat maria_1963
Posted
I like you am older and most of my life is behind me now.
I am so sorry your friends son took this route as you are right that he would probably be enjoying life again now. Hope you are ok at the moment love. xx
maria_1963 hypercat
Posted
My physical health is causing problems at the moment which has so often in a person affecting my mental health but i am one of the lucky ones as i have close family an good friends as well as support from my local mental health team - had to fight for that , make myself known which has probably not always made me popular there but never mind , i do thank them for their help regardless of what they may think of me . I have known this family since late 1990's an it was their eldest son an he was still alive now he would be about the same age as my nephew who is 28 1/2 , i told this friend that i had been in an out of hospital with Od's when i asked her if she blamed E , she just took my hand an said please don't , i had been proud of myself this past year as though i got days when i did make minor attempts i did survive each day , something happened recently - change of person who i was seeing at local MH team an as i had been coping okay with the person i had been seeing an took me a long time to trust him ( have trust issues , feel at ease ) , never mind , please take care an i often think of you when i came onto this site , am really pleased you stayed a member xx
hypercat Guest
Posted
Hi can I ask how old you are please? It is hard to advise you otherwise. If you are 16 or older you are legally considered an adult and could seek help for yourself. If under then you are a minor and your parents and those responsible for you should be taking charge.
There are no painless ways to commit suicide. I know coz I have researched them too over the years. After reading the net on this I have always changed my mind about it. The fact you are coming in here means you haven't entirely given up hope yet and are looking for some help.
Did you know depression (which I think you are suffering from. but only a doctor can diagnose you), causes you to feel like this? Like you don't care, have no motivation etc. You can't trust these feelings as they are false, so you must be guided by those who love you instead. I am betting life wasn't always like this for you - can you think back to happier times? They are achievable again but only if you seek help. I know it's very hard to do but you must give yourself a chance to have a life and to live it the way you want. Don't give up until you have tried everything please. Many of us have felt like this and are grateful we gave ourselves that chance and tried everything first. x
borderriever Guest
Posted
I do not know how old you are although I feel 15/16 years old. You need to talk to your parents regards your problem, explain your concerns. You can then go and see your GP.
Personally Suicide causes those who are left behind real grief, anger and deep Depression, they will never forgive themselves at your Death. I know as my attempt was taken as a me blackmailing family and therefore trust went through the window and now I am watched intensly, like I was earlier this year. Even I was not going to attempt taking my life my family and Crisis Team took my condition as very seriously. So talk to your GP and get sorted.
You must have a very good reason to attempt Suicide, and I cannot find that above.
I can see according to you, your attitude to life is cold, that is no reason why you feel you wish to kick your parents and siblings in the teeth, that seems to be a very poor reason, so you need to talk to someone about this now
When you talk about painless methods I really need to pop your bubble. No attempt is painless especially when you get discovered, to bring you back treatments can be very painful as they only have one thing going through their mind to bring you back.
Talk to your GP and Parents and sort out the negativity that is ruining your life.
Enjoy Your Future
BOB
Guest
Posted
Hi, thanks for all of the replies.
I am 16 (good spotting) and if i had a reason for feeling this way i would have shared it. I really cant tell if im just an attention seeker, (I really hope not because i would be then wasting your time) or actually depressed. I have always felt down but i think 1 or 2 years ago i just stopped stressing about school which i thought would help. So ive continued with the 'who cares' reasoning which has infact made it worse as i now dont go to school every chance i can, and try to sleep all day. Cant see my doctor at the moment as im staying with my mum in the school break. I really dont feel close to my family at all, almost like their just distant friends. Im at the point that i think i definately i have depressing because i have never suffered abuse or loss of family. Im thinking it must be chemical rather than emotional. The suicide thing... I honestly cant see myself trying right now as id probably mess it up and i would have to see my family upset and constantly watching me, and treating me different.
Guest
Posted
maria_1963 Guest
Posted
Don't worry about your mistakes in your postings - your spelling , etc is far better then many people's older then you - many get lazy an use text speak in their writing . As soon as you are able to which i realise you are not able to at the moment go an see your doctor - tell him/her exactly how you feel , your thoughts - your day to day activities , if necessary write down or even draw your emotions , etc on paper so you can show doctor . You are not a attention seeker , from what you have said you are suffering from depression - could well be chemical inbalance as there appears to be no other resaon for your depression - often family , friends , a pet death can trigger a depressive state , an upset in routine , etc , so many factors , if we only knew why we feel depressed it would help us understand it all more , please take care , try an get a little Christmas spirit , take each day an in the New Year go an see doctor , then they may be able to offer you ways to deal with your suicidal , etc thoughts in treatment besides antidepressants xx
dawn57104 Guest
Posted
Please see your GP they will help you, i am on Citalopram 20mg and i find journalling helps me get things out of my head, i write or draw daily in my book and it is so helpful. you can write yourself reminders and look back on how you feel. it is so helpful might be worth a try for you??