Just joined, wanted to say hi

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hi everyone. I'm Rob, I'm 39 and have had anxiety issues all my life but the last five years have been the worst. I very, very rarely go out, I've been out once in the last four weeks and it's driving me mad. I worry if I go out I will die and I want to die at home in my bed. I constantly worry about my health and always have, but as far as I am aware there is nothing wrong with me. I spend half of my life wishing I was dead and the other half worrying I am going to die. I am on sertraline, three tablets a day and have had therapy and CBT which was useful at the time but now I've gone backwards severely. I feel trapped. I realise there are lots of people like me but I just wanted to share how I feel because there is nobody I can really tell all this to. I just want to feel a bit normal. That's all. 

Anyway, hi everyone! (thought I'd try and end on a sort of upbeat note because I imagine reading that will bring everyone down)

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  • Posted

    My goodness, Robbo. You are only 39 years old and you  really are stuck in this dark hole, aren't you? This is not right... You must get on the path to recovery...and this is urgent. No one should suffer as you are suffering.

    Do you have a family member or friend or neighbour who can help? Can you, yourself muster up the strength to take one step at a time to climb out of that hole...because, believe me, there is sunshine up here and when you do finally see the light of day, and start on a road to recovery, you will be so relieved and so much happier.

     By one step, it may be calling a social worker who can visit you and arrange for in home counselling and any help you need or maybe accompanying you to the doctor's if your dont have a friend or relative to help you.

     If you can get to the doctor's alone, you really do need to have an honest and serious talk with him or her and a willingness to try different medications other than what you are taking now...which obviously are NOT working for you. There has to be something that will work for you because to live as you are living is not right. Realise that the doctor can only go on what you tell him...and maybe you appear to be relatively fine when you speak to him. Tell him exactly what you said above. Don't hold back out of embarrassment. The title of your post shows that although you are suffering the heights of hell, you chose as a title: '...wanted to say hi'. If you feel desperate, let it show. He should understand that you are in a very, very dark state of mind. Btw have you seen a psychiatrist...who would know better what medication would suit you? Your case is not a simple one that a GP can take charge of.  If you have not seen a psychiatrist, insist on seeing one.

    Another step might be to get back to CBT, don't you think..but maybe once you are more stabilized.

    Another step towards recovery is to set a goal; today you stand in the doorway for 2 minutes, tomorrow, 5 minutes, the next day you walk to the curb and the next day down the street 10 steps etc...whatever pace is good for you. Just the fact that you are 'moving in a positive direction' will be uplifting...and you will feel that you are meeting a personal challenge. That in itself is a success!

    Do you have suicidal thoughts, Robbo? If you ever feel an urge to act on them, please call a friend/family member to take you to the hospital or dial 999 or somehow get yourself to the hospital where they can help you. You must never feel that you are all alone with no one to help you. People do care about you and life WILL be worth living once you get the help you urgently need, Robbo.

    Another step is to call the Samaritans who can give you guidance and support. Can you call them today?

    Take advantage of every resource. I understand that when one is in deep depression, it is hard to take the one step...but dig down deep and find the strength to take just one step at a time. Baby steps! 

    The most important thing, Robbo is to get to your doctor. When speaking to the secretary to make the appointment, stress the necessity for an urgent appointment...for tomorrow! She can have no idea how much you are suffering so you need to tell her.  And don't worry, she has heard it all.

    I hope, Robbo that you get back on track and find a medication that will get you on the road to recovery. 

    I just read on a site on mental health research that people who do not eat well, have more mental health issues. Can you prepare meals for yourself; nutritious meals that are full of vegetables? Perhaps a social worker (and you need one) could put you on the list for Meals on Wheels...

    Best of luck, Robbo. Let us know how you do taking ONE step then another on your road to recovery. On this forum you have people who have been where you are and are leading fulfilling lives and can give you more support than I can. So don't hesitate to unburden yourself and dont' feel you are bringing anyone down. People have a choice to read and respond. 

    Your opening line does not reflect your true and desperate cry for help. Why not start a new subject with 'Desperate cry for help'. There are amazing people who want to support and encourage you but with your title you will not reach them easily.

    As they say in French, "Courage!" 


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  • Posted

    Hi Robbo, Welcome to the Anxiety forum.  Robin is right you are young and no one

    should be suffering as you do.  You must get help urgently.  Robin has suggested some things you could do.  In the meantime do keep in touch on the forum.  You will find that others here can offer you tips and advice and more importantly let you know that you are not alone and offer support. 

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  • Posted

    Hi robbo,

    You are so young to be suffering.  i am 52  and i have had the same anxiety all my life.  It is terrifiyiing an sometimes i feel like i'm losing control with my thoughts.  My husban oesn't know what to do with me.  I'm not afraid to go out, I'm just afraid that I have cancer all the time.  Every pain and ache is a death sentence to me.  I have ovarion pain and now knee pain and now i think the cancer has spread to my bones.  Some people laugh at me but its a real fear.  I am getting married for the second time in 2 months and i'm afraid i won't be around for my wedding.  Please know that you are not alone.  big hugs too you.

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    • Posted

      Hello Cathy,

      Sorry to hear that you are plagued by such obsessive thoughts about your health. 

      My husband's uncle spent his life worrying...and telling everyone about his ill health and how he was on the verge of death etc.. It became a family joke! The man lived to 90 years old!  Imagine if you spent your life worrying about impending death...wasting all that time where you could have been ENJOYING life and instead spent it suffering with worry? Here is a message I composed a couple of days ago for Tanya who constantly worries about being sick like you and also being burgled. She has a lot of trouble sleeping as well.


      Wishing you inner peace and all the best in your new marriage!


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  • Posted

    Thank you so much for the messages, everyone. Just posting my thoughts on here has made a difference. It's always good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. Thank you, all.
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