Just need someone to talk to...

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi all I'm new here and don't know if this is the right category or not.. But anyway, having a look through these forums I can see there are people clearly suffering more than I am so it puts things into perspective... After a breakdown a year and a half ago (still not entirely sure why) I went on Sertraline for a year and have now come off it and have been off it for about 2 months. I came off it after a drug problem (cannabis substitutes) and eventual overdose (immediately stopping after this happened). The first 3 days coming off it were horrific but after that I only felt better with each day. Things were great for about a month, then I left home to return to uni which went fine for a few weeks now I'm back to feeling terrible.

I've always dealt with things internally and still do, as I don't know how to do it otherwise. I have no feedback from the world and it feels like I'm just bouncing off the prison bars of my own mind. I don't really have any friends right now as I get too tense around people. It feels like I have two options, pretend to be cheerful and feel awkward in doing so, or just let out the depression and just talk about how bad being depressed is. This seems like an obvious choice for me but it means that I only get to talk about these things with my therapist.

Anyway I guess other people here have this problem but I feel like 99% of my conscious time is spent just 'thinking' over the fact that I am depressed/anxious and ruminating it, why am I feeling like it, how can I solve it and so on.. It doesn't end. It's such a waste of time if anything, I can't learn anything new, I can't enjoy anything, I can't live in the moment... All I do is think, think, think.

One thing that seems to separate me from others is that my depression isn't externally caused, or doesn't feel like it. I corner myself internally. What's going on in my life or the world externally doesn't seem to have much effect on how I am internally. I don't know who or what I am so how could the world possibly affect me when I haven't even determined these things yet..?

Any help is very welcome

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey

    I really wish I could say something that would help you I really feel for you. Reading your post I could relate to a lot of the things that you said. I guess you just have to keep reminding yourself that you are not alone im sure there are people that care about you. The last bit you said about not knowing who you are I feel exactly the same way. How old are you? I think it takes a long time to actually find out who you are. Have you ever seen a counsellor? Ive just started talking to one and it actually feels amazing to get everything off your chest and be able to say absolutley anything you want. Maybe writing down your feelings I guess it doesnt help everyone but Im starting to write lists ect of things I want to achieve and how I feel about stuff. Anyways I hope this was maybe of some help?! Here if you need a chat smile xx

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  • Posted

    Hey!

    So you're feeling a bit lost, unsure of what and who you are?

    Depression. To a Native American healer (shaman) that would mean having lost part of your soul. Because of trauma, disappointment or whatever reason. This would require a shamanic healing journey, during which you rediscover and reconnect those lost parts of your soul. You need to go places.. see things.. in your mind, in your heart. To heal. To be well.

    I've been on this sort of journey for the past 20 years.

    After a traumatic experience of my own.

    Now I am sharing some of the insights and tools from my journey on my new self help platform BalanceIbiza com.

    Perhaps there may be some helpful thoughts for you there?

    As a counseling psychologist my approach is holistic well-being: thoughts - positive mental disposition

    feelings - positive feelings based on self love and harmony

    behavior/actions - positive supportive physical habits (nutrition, exercise, helping, contributing)

    As a sidekick hint - you might want to check your body chemicals - get a blood analysis of your vitamins, minerals, etc. as well as possible toxins - lead in the drinking water, msg flavor enhancers in food, etc.

    Drink lots of pure water (not tab! or filtered at least.) Exercise 3 - 4 times a week at least. Swim. Run. Total Gym. Lack of sunshine? vacation in the sun or moderate sun studio time (10 min max for light skin, 1 or 2 times a week)

    Music meditation is one of the tools I can recommend for emotional healing: Listen to beautiful meditation music llike Deuter - Garden of the Gods, Gandalf - Into the Light, etc. with good headphones, close your eyes and follow the images in your mind.. Just notice and let them flow. Breathe deeply into your tummy.. and allow the yawn when it comes. Let go.

    Questions I ask myself for meditation:

    What does my life look like when I'm healthy, happy and well?

    How am I when I'm completely and totally healed?

    Time to heal yourself.

    Peace and Love.

    Namaste.

    Ingo Zen

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  • Posted

    beth15788, thank you for your support. I agree on the counselling thing and I've been seeing one for about a month now. One thing I find though is that I'm not even 100% comfortable with allowing my own thoughts in my own head, so I sometimes find it difficult to fully speak my mind even to my counsellor; but I know I need to. I also write down all my thoughts as well, even then I sometimes feel like the paper might judge me! (metaphorically of course). I'm 22 by the way
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  • Posted

    Hi. Reading your post I just ummed and arrd and tutted.. Out loud mind you. It's such a horrible place to be mentally. And the thinking is the killer. I've just worked this out. If you find yourself thinking too deeply and the pathways just run wild, STOP. Get up, tell yourself to stop and do something. I felt like an idiot sometimes putting different theories into practice. Don't give up, even if you think it's stupid. You have to take back control. Get mad with you're depression and tell it no. You will not do this... If you consistently take back control, you will start to feel progression. You have to be patient too. It's not waking up the next day and thinking, aagh, I'm better now... Not like the flu. Another thing, write things down. Just for you to look at. Some days you're in a different frame of mind and you can answer your own questions when you reflect back. I've done this millions of times and I think it was my biggest saviour. When you write things down, you get to see how your progressing too. You'll find yourself reading something you've recorded and think to yourself,,,wooow, that's bad, I'm glad I'm not doing that anymore. Or thinking like that anymore. Just that little exercise gives you back some mental strength and confidence.....don't think that anything is trivial, write it down no matter what. Use your mental tools everywhere possible. Let's face it, it's these tools that you've let go of and need to pick them back up... You can do it, believe me, you can. Don't be scared to post your thoughts on forums too. You'll be amazed at how many people you are helping.. They may not respond, but guaranteed, a lot of people will read it and feel like they can relate and not feel alone. Millions of people read your posts and get something good out of it. Don't give up, you sound very strong minded, use it to you're advantage ......all the best....lindy.......
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  • Posted

    linda23514, that resonated with me a lot. Thank you very much
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  • Posted

    Another thing James, we've all been given a quality I believe. Yours is probably mind related. Our qualities can sometimes overwhelm us and scare us. You're at the age where you have a lot of questions. What, why and where. Like I said before, you're mind seems very strong.... This is probably the ironic thing. Spend a bit of time working out what you're mind is trying to tell you. You're mind is stronger than you can probably comprehend ????? Hey, my opinion only, I'm not a psych or councellor
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  • Posted

    You're right it is ironic, strong minded in the wrong direction perhaps?
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  • Posted

    Hi James, I've just read your initial comments and my heart goes out to you, that you have been feeling so dreadful. I hope you try to be around your friends and family as being apart can make your feelings more intense. Don't feel silly about how you feel. The people who know you best will be concerned about you so don't cut yourself of. I promise life doesn't always stay as bleak as it may seem lately. You are young and have a bright enquiring mind, it needs a break sometimes. So try to do something each day however small that cheers you up or helps your self esteem, whatever that might be. You sound like a lovely guy. Get the support you need to see you through this. You are my sons age , he has just gone off to university & I couldn't bear him to be alone and suffering like this . Best of luck
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