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Just over 40 days clean

Posted , 5 users are following.

sue45192
sue45192

So some of you know me some of you don't.  Basically I was taking 1200mg of codeine a day and as much tramadol as I could for 5 years.

I tried to go cold turkey at the end of August however I could not handle the withdrawals so ended up doing myself a short detox at home with subutex.

The NHS drug centre saw me when I was 2 days off the sub's - what did they want to do??? Put me on a script for Sub's!! Sitting there in withdrawal I had to say no for a full hour to a consultant offering me the drugs my whole body was screaming out for!! When I said no they told me there was nothing they could do.

I finally got through the physical withdrawal - wow that was hard - but not as hard as what came next!! The mental torture.  I have always suffered from depression (hence the self-medicating) so maybe it will be better for those of you that do not have mental health problems.

I ended up going to a great rehab - Promis in Kent.  Cost me 9K for 2 weeks!! However it probably saved my life.

I am back home now.  I cannot work.  Very low and anxious.  I have been told to go to NA - still not sure after quite a few meetings if its for me. I want to join the gym but having trouble getting out of bed! I have decided I am not going back to the job I have - I hate it.  I have just applied to a local college to re-train with animals - my passion, well horses actually but I live in the wrong area for that.  When my daughter finishes her A-levels I'm off to the country to keep animals and do my stage 1 and 2 in horse-riding (best drug EVER).  

I may be struggling mentally but I can give advise if you are currently wanting to stop or are stopping opiates - would be happy to help.

Massive thank you to all those on here who have been a GREAT help especially Oly who would always reply to my posts needing help.

Big love Suex

3 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • max83505
    max83505 sue45192

    Posted

    Olly is awesome if it wasn't for him and listening to his advice and his stories I wouldn't be where I am now, he's a great listener and someone who I owe big time . My story is I have always hid my abuse of mst and oramorph . Whilst serving in the army I had a accident and hurt my back l4/l5 prolapse disks for some this is a easy fix but as time went on I would have nerve damage in my back where now no doctor will operate so I am stuck in pain everyday but I have excepted it and got on . However I was taking to much mst and I knew I had a problem I was taking somedays 140 mg a day of mst and oramorph these last few months with the help of my local gp and talking to olly I have gotten down to 30 mg a day of mst and I haven't touched oramorph for over a month . I have good days and bad days but day by day I have gotten through it . I was always embaressed at first I would think how could a normal guy served in the army get in a mess like this. Still only olly and my partner knows what I am going through. But I am nearly there and I ain't looking back but if anyone knows olly i am sure he will listen and try to help anyone and so will I if anyone wants to talk drop me a message . It's better than being alone trust me .
    • sue45192
      sue45192 max83505

      Posted

      Well said Max.  With no support out there we have to stick together and share our experience to help others.

      My husband served in the army.  He had no physical problems but has PTSD, anxiety disorder, social anxiety and ADD.  He is on constant high alert.  He gets very depressed.  He has been able to access help because of his army background but to be honest mental health along with addiction is not understood and the NHS just seem perplexed.

      Don't be embarressed drugs can get anyone regardless of social class, education, colour blah blah blah and it is definaely NOT a weakness!  Stigma that goes with addiction and mental health really gets me! I have a feeling in won't change anytime soon though - esp as funding for both is minimal.

      Well done for tapering down to 30mg - that is really good going!

      Let us know how you progress - good luck!

    • oly958
      oly958 sue45192

      Posted

      I'd love to see the UK copying Portugal - legalise drugs, tax them, free rehab, more education etc.

      What we have now is stupid - people are persecuted at the worst times of life for no reason, and looking around here there are far more NHS created addicts than people who have actively chosen that path. I've had far more addictive drugs from my GP than any dealer!

      And what about mental health support? That logically goes hand in hand with drugs, pain and accidents - try calling Talking Therapies for serious suicidal depression and tell them you use a drug that isn't prescribed, they will tell you to declare yourself an addict and get it plastered all over your records, and then they will refuse to treat you before you get your 'drug problem' sorted. Sorry but that is plain stupid, drugs is drugs whether prescribed or not, same old sh*t.

      Oh I could rant for hours :-)

  • smcg3182
    smcg3182 sue45192

    Posted

    Congratulations to you. You have been very strong and brave. Good luck for the future.
    • sue45192
      sue45192 smcg3182

      Posted

      Thank you, I haven't felt strong or brave but the trick is to just keep doing the next right thing and accept support from anyone that offers.

      smile

  • Louisaluvsrio
    Louisaluvsrio sue45192

    Posted

    Sue. I am hooked on Zomorph about 120mls a day. How long did the cold turkey last because I couldn't take it after 2 days and had to use.
    • sue45192
      sue45192 Louisaluvsrio

      Posted

      Hi Louis

      How long have you been taking that amount? Do you have pain issues or are you just using it as an escape/buzz?

      Have you spoken to your dr or referred yourself to a drug centre?  I would strongly advise you to get the help of professionals.

      Going cold turkey is nasty, some can do it, I couldn't.

      You have a couple of options available to you - have you tried tapering down slowly? This works best if you have someone you can trust to give you your dose each day (from my experience if I have more I would have taken more!).  This method works well for some people.  I could never do it this way but I know lots of people that have.

      The other option (excluding cold turkey) is to try and opiate substitute.  I would strongly advise subutex.  You will need to go in to withdrawal before you start the sub's and the best way to do it is under the supervision of a drug centre.

      I would refer myself toa drug centre and then try not to take anything the day before you go so that they can see you are in withdrawal (they want to see you shaking/sweating etc).  Not sure how much you know but you cannot take sub without first being in withdrawal otherwise it will put you straight into full withdrawal due to the blocker - not nice.

      If you are set on going cold turkey then I would say about 7-10 days before the real hard physical wd's stop. Day 3 and 4 were the hardest for me.

      Bad news is...and I think it is important to know..is the physical withdrawal, as painful as it is, is not actually the hardest part.  I was so set on getting through the physical stuff when the mental part started I was unprepared.  Getting stopped is the easy (not sure I agree with 'easy') part, staying stopped is the hard bit.

      Your brain will not be functioning properly.  Expect depression and anxiety and complete loss of concentration.  Like the physical stuff this too does pass, unfortunately it does take longer.

      Look up any support in your area - I have found tons.  Get this set in place while you are waiting for your drug centre appointment.  Go to NA - it does work and they relationships you form with other addicts is life-saving stuff.  Remember you do not have to be clean to go to NA - just have a desire to stop using.  I recommend going while you are still using as then it will be easier to go when you are feeling really crap and people will take your number , support you and even get you to meetings when you cant manage to get yourself there.

      If I haven't covered anything you need to know feel free to ask.

      After all the support I have got here and elsewhere I want to give back so am happy to support anyone who needs it.

      Good luck! Keep us all posted.

    • oly958
      oly958 sue45192

      Posted

      Brilliant info from Sue, I would just add a few little things from my experience getting off MST- my withdrawal period was always 3 weeks on the dot - takes 3 days to get into full withdrawal and about 15 days to get to the peak nastiness. I know everyone's experience varies but this could also relate to which Opiate you have been taking - Zomorph looks more similar to MST as its Morphine sulphate based.

      After tapering from 100ml/day MST+Oramorph-breakthrough to 40mg/day MST I just couldn't handle the repeated withdrawal, and I was so skint and depressed I needed to get back into a job and human contact. So I went to the local drugs centre and they offered me Methadone/Subutex, but they also offered me a non-opiate path using Lofexidine/Britoflex which I took - its not addictive and it takes away 99% of the withdrawal symptoms.

    • sue45192
      sue45192 oly958

      Posted

      More great info Oly - I had not even heard of those non opiate drugs and was certainly not offered that option - more evidence that you need to go in to these places as clued up yourself as possible.
    • oly958
      oly958 sue45192

      Posted

      Yep, I've made it my mission to increase Lofexidine/Britoflex awareness as it is totally brilliant stuff and hardly anyone knows about it. Apparently it got a bad name years ago as the authorities would use it brutally on prison inmates to get them clean without suitable support.

      For me it was exactly what I was looking for, I wanted to stop very fast without the hideous withdrawal - did it in 3 weeks with Lofexidine, only side effect was feeling incredibly tired and lazy.

      And one more thing to add - Opiates ruin your ability to handle pain. When you quit it will take a while for your natural pain management to start working properly. Before I stopped Opiates I could walk 5 miles on a good day, after stopping it was more like 100 yards. Each month since quitting my pain levels have reduced and my ability to walk has improved. I've now been clean 6 months and can walk that same 5 miles with confidence. This recovery period varies a lot, some never recover. It can also affect how your body responds to lesser pain killers (asprin, paracetomol etc.) and things like alcohol - I got invited to a birthday party a month after quitting and had a few drinks, felt totally sober ... until I was sick .. and then was still sober, a very odd feeling that has now repaired itself.

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