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Just too tired to carry on

Posted , 7 users are following.

fee25
fee25

Why is it that when you are already so low down the world decides to push you further? 

I think it always comes to a point where you have to accept that you are going absolutely nowhere and are destined for absolutely nothing. And by that I am not talking about doing anything special, just being able to do life, generally.

There is good in the world but, there is no good in my world and there never will be.

Drugs don't help, people don't help and situations don't change no matter how hard you try. The more I try to help myself the more I fall down and the last bits of hope and energy get chipped away. 

Absolutely rubbish.

1 like, 16 replies

16 Replies

  • killmeslowly
    killmeslowly fee25

    Posted

    You are not the only one....these things happen to most of us. Anything in particular that's bothering you?
    • fee25
      fee25 killmeslowly

      Posted

      Just sick and tired of fighting every day when I have absolutely nothing and nobody to fight for. Doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, nothing will ever change. 

      Thank you for your reply anyway!

    • killmeslowly
      killmeslowly fee25

      Posted

      That is just the way we are. I don't think there is a fix to the way we feel. We worry about things not in our control and then just get exhausted and tired of everything. There are a lot of bad days but some good days as well. Don't beat yourself up, go watch a movie or something. Weekend is coming smile
  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 fee25

    Posted

    Hi fee25

    I understand completely what you are saying and like you I am so battle weary. In saying that although I keep wanting to give up as nothing seems to be improving, there remains a resemblance of hope. I think it's deep down in our souls our petsonal fight for survival. We are not going to be like this forever although it seems that way.

    Just keep plugging away and don't beat yourself up when those are so difficult. You will get better and we are 1 day closer to our recovery

    God bless

    Lorraine x

  • hypercat
    hypercat fee25

    Posted

    Hi Fee.  You do have someone to fight for  - YOU!    Pretend it is a loved one who is suffering and treat yourself like you would them.  It takes time and change happens bit by bit and not suddenly,  but you are worth fighting for.  I believe in you and so do the rest of us on here.  Keep plugging away and little by little your life will change - trust me.  I have been there too and I know how it works.  

    I have been depressed since childhood and have long accepted I probably always will be coz I am 61 now.   I never thought I would make it to 30 let alone 61.   I have worked extensively on myself and am a whole lot better than even 10 years ago.  You deserve your life (not the depression though) and you have to fight for it.  I don't know why life is so bl.....y difficult but accept that it is.  

    From my ripe old age I have come to the conclusion that life is largely endurance and persistance with some happy times thrown in,  but these make up for everything.  If I had ended my life many years like I tried I would have missed some very interesting times.   Work on yourself love and change will happen in time.  Take care.  Bev x

     

  • Mick48
    Mick48 fee25

    Posted

    In aour situations to survive you have to love your self if you not you will not survive but don't give up!
  • ursulauc62
    ursulauc62 fee25

    Posted

    Hi Fee,

    you dont have to come up to anyones expectations out there, as long as you can feel OK about yourself.  I used to have an image of myself as succesful, dynamic, wealthy, thin, etc...   Its impossible to live up to everything, and even those who do often realize its not the key to happiness. Look at the number of celebrities who are/have been drug addicts alcoholics, killed themselves through depression/overdoses.

    I useed to feel ashmed to tell people I have had breakdowns, been an alcoholic, not worked for years. But look, I've dealt with it, I've come through it. I've lost alot materially, but theres alot of good people around me who arent bothered about the conventional stuff, and now I'm just Ok with being me, and enjoying everyday stuff, - a funny program on TV or radio, a good book, going for a cup of coffee on my own, giving a few quid to charities I believe in when I can afford it.  I've just volunteered to help out at the local food bank.  I'm really looking forward to it.

    Dont think you have to try to live up to an image/ an ideal.  You dont.  Just be you. The you I have read posts from on here seems like a really interesting person with real depth.  Please dont give up.

  • fee25
    fee25

    Posted

    Thank you everyone for your replies, they're all very insightful and sweet, I appreciate it. 

    My issue really is just a frustration from how natural and easy happiness once came compared to how impossible it seems now. It didn't take much at all to make me happy or content in the past but, now even when I'm pouring everything I have into making things better, trying to feel more comfortable or productive I still can't muster up any positivity or get anywhere in life. 

    I'm not the kind of person that needs a lot to be happy, I never have. Things so simple as ordering a pizza used to cheer me up! Or just chatting to a friend, watching a film, reading - these things no longer help and usually make me feel worse...being around people emphasises my feelings of detachment and I struggle very much to hold any concentration so even watching short television programmes is difficult. 

    I need to learn to forgive myself and like myself again but, that seems very far out of reach. I think my stubborn, cynnical mind just won't let me get better! 

    • Digsby
      Digsby fee25

      Posted

      Hi Fee,

      I have seen so many of the encouraging posts that you have written when others of us have hit rock bottom. Now it's our turn to try to pick you up and comfort you when the pain is getting too much to bear. I've spent the past 10 months trying different meds and therapies, which I know I am lucky to have access to. However, they seem just to have kept me afloat. Most of my energy has gone into re-training my brain to think differently about myself, my own little world and my relationships with other people. Waiting to feel better has cost me a few relationships along the way and also recently my employer has given up on me returning in the foreseeable future so I have been sacked on ill health grounds. Six months ago, this might have tipped me over the edge but I do feel stronger within myself - more resilient. What I'm trying to say is that, at the end of the day, you only have yourself to rely on to motivate yourself, to get up in the morning and take one more step. I want to let you know that it is worth it and that you can keep going for yourself, not for anyone else. Please believe that you can enjoy life again, the little things that you used to - perhaps just in a different way though. Life changes us and we either adapt ourselves or we get left behind, trapped in the past, longing for something that has gone. I'm not saying that things could never be the way they used to be - nobody knows. But you can learn to enjoy things again and even discover new experiences and enjoyment. I know my journey is not yet over. It's not an easy one for any of us. That's why we share our experiences - our ups and our downs. We are a community, a family - no one need be alone in their suffering. Please give yourself some self-compassion and be gentle. Don't let that stubborn, cynical mind prevent you from continuing on this wonderful rollercoaster. It can be exhausting and take every ounce of strength that we have, but it will be worth it :-)

      Big hug, Digsby xx

    • fee25
      fee25 Digsby

      Posted

      Aw Digsby thank you for your message, it was so sweet and lovely to read. I'm really sorry to hear about your employer sad that is awful, I understand why employers struggle with this type of illness but it's such a shame. 

      I'm glad you have a positive outlook, I really do hope things can improve for me, I want it to more than anything, I just feel like I'm trying so hard and getting nowhere. It's frustrating but, I know it's like this for many others too. 

      On the plus side I'm puppy-sitting this week! So, there's something else in my life to look after, lets me think about something else and get a bit of company! I definitely don't know where I'd be without this forum, you're right it is a great community smile xx

    • Digsby
      Digsby fee25

      Posted

      How's the puppy-sitting going? How exciting for you - I am very jealous!!

      You can't post a picture for me but I want to know everything about your puppy....please ;-)

      Big hug xx

    • fee25
      fee25 Digsby

      Posted

      It went really well! He was absolutely adorable! 

      They're not sure what breed he is but he's a tea-cup dog which means he is tiny and will stay tiny forever, he weighed nothing! We had to keep a bell on his collar so we could hear him running around so I didn't stand on him! 

      He's back with his owner now, missing him! xx

    • ursulauc62
      ursulauc62 fee25

      Posted

      Hi, animals can give alot of comfort. I have two cats, and one of them is very needy - always moaning for affection. If I sit down near him he immediately comes over and demands to come on my lap - including when I'm at the computer, so he wanders over the keyboard, - which can be a bit annoying!

      We used to have guineapigs, which are adorable, and when we went to visit my mum when she wasnt well we often brought them over which she really liked. I'm a great believer in the connection between humans and animals.

    • fee25
      fee25 ursulauc62

      Posted

      Aw! I definitely agree with you. 

      Animals are a massive help for me, my dog passed away two months ago and it genuinely made me feel so much worse, I still miss him and think about him every day!! 

      For me, dogs keep me company and allow me to feel connected and present. When I'm with people I often feel very detached and lonely, but with animals I just feel comfort and love. They can be there if you just need a cuddle, they can be a distraction and they are 100% judgment free smile pets are the way forward! :P 

       

    • Digsby
      Digsby fee25

      Posted

      Wonderful! When is your next dog-sitting assignment? ;-)

      I'm looking after 2 Cavalier King Charles spaniels for three weeks in November. Can't wait - in fact the thought of it is keeping me going at the moment.

      Hugs xx

    • fee25
      fee25 Digsby

      Posted

      Awwwww!!!!! 

      I have had three cavaliers in my life and they are my all time favourite breed of dog!! You are very lucky indeed! :P 

      I'm not sure when I'll next get a puppy-sitting opportunity! I do get to spend time with my sister's puppy every now and then though which is lovely! 

      xx

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