Just want to never wake up

hi sheila, your post caught me unawares. what reason do you have to think not being here is good? i can't/won't tell you what to do. i think i would like to find out if you've made any plans, told anyone else, spoken to your sons/any friends about this? you need to consider where you want to be, here or not? this is your choice, i am not going to stop you. i think you need to talk, you sound lonely if i am honest. talk on here, we will listen. if you can't on here there's always people like the samaritans, i only tell you what i know and think but i am not you.

sheila I’m sorry that you are going through this. I know what depression feels like. I also know what it feels like to have your work on noticed and also do not have any friends as I have also lived through my three grown children. But I do know that even though I don’t see my kids that often, they do love me very much yes I am sure your kids love you. But I realize that they have to live their own lives even though I’d love to see them every day.I also know that most people feel like they are not recognized at work as much as they should be. This is very common. I remind myself that it’s just a place to work and make money it’s not my life. So I really don’t take it personal.

when our kids are grown and on their own, we have to find a purpose in life. I know that I need to get out and do something that makes me feel good about myself. When I help somebody else it’s a great feeling and it does give me a purpose. There are so many volunteer activities out there in the world. It could be anything. It could be picking up groceries for someone who can’t get out, it could be helping a child with reading problems, giving my time to a food bank at a local church, etc. and we don’t need recognition for those kinds of things because it just is a great feeling to do it.

it’s also a good way to make friends. my daughter told me she’s not going to feel sorry for me if I’m not trying and keep making excuses. She’s right!

try to find something that you enjoy doing and look at your job as just a paycheck and if you don’t expect recognition then you won’t be disappointed there. Enjoy life outside of your job. you don’t have to just exist. You can find joy in life if you look for it.

if you like staying home mostly then you can find a hobby you enjoy doing at home. some people enjoy crafting, painting, crocheting,. scrapbooking, reading, etc.

I started journaling which is very helpful for when I’m feeling down. Every day I write down something that I am grateful for. Everybody has something. Even if it’s just starting with a roof over my head, my food, car, kids, etc.you could go out for daily walks because that helps to lift depression.

i do you know that my kids want me to be happy and have joy in my life. Even though our kids are grown, they want us to be in their lives and they would be heartbroken if we were not. I’m sure your sons want you to be happy. I also want to fight for myself to set a good example for my kids and grandkids and show them that you never give up no matter what.

Have you ever considered getting some counseling? I do virtual counseling at home and it works great. That could be very helpful for you! just venting to somebody else is such a relief believe me! The counselor could give you some ideas on how to pull yourself out of feeling down. It’s good to have a connection with somebody else that way. I hope you get some support for this and remember how much your sons love you. we are here for you ❤