Just want to say!!!!

Posted , 8 users are following.

Life is f""""" s""" tried so hard today, up exercise class car frozen, defrosted  that, coach broken down causing traffic jam so I was late, i know not in my control but doesn't help with my emotional problem, worked hard during exercise class, felt knackered, saw pharmacist as possible reaction to pain killers for the pains in my chest. Advised go to Dr;s appointment tomorrow, appointment with support person later to assist with my group therapy didn't turn up until 15 minutes late said not in her diary but recorded in my file as checked with receptionist, not that helpful or just me?. P"""" off to the beach just sat for ages in the sun watching, phoned Samaritans as very distressed but they had to go too so abandoned again or is it just me not thinking straight?, intrusive thoughts yet again!!!! Ended up in the sea only up past by back side just to get rid of the urge, it was very cold my toes still ache even now. When is this S""" going to get better  keep trying time and time again but things just don;t seem to improve. Why? Am I that stupid, useless or do I just give up as I am tired, fed up, can't really see a point in life anymore. Get drunk and just go for it.

Don't worry I am at home at present going to bed but needed to get rid of this before I go to sleep.

Night all X 

2 likes, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    I agree Tina life never seems to get easier. I try and all hell breaks lose and I have to become peace maker once more. I have been down this road too many times. I can’t continue.

    But like Tina I am in bed hoping I can fall asleep and then try again tomorrow only knowing it will never change because I am too frighten to make any real changes. 

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  • Posted

    Life just seems worthless doesn’t it. My downhill spiral started years ago and it seems no matter what I do it just never gets better, drink and sleeping pills are the only bit of peace I get
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  • Posted

    I hope today starts well and the day is better. I feel I’m in a downward spiral. I’m also having new meds and I seem to be waking up really irritable. I can’t work at the moment which just makes me feel rotten. And yes, life...can’t seem to see the point of it at the moment.Anyway...let’s hope for a better day today tina x
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  • Posted

    I can relate and whenever I get to a low point, yes its hard to pull myself out but I believe in prayer and my spiritual faith alone keeps me going. Also quite time helps me to slow my thoughts and relax my mind into knowing there has been other times like this that passed and I was able to pull myself out. It helped me to think of one positive thing ;focus on that and try not to think about all the other stuff at the same time because it can cause what I call an over load of thaughts in my head. I have found that taking one stept at a time or trying to figure out one thing at a time causes less stress to me.

    National Prevention Lifeline

    We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

    1-800-273-8255

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  • Posted

    Oh Tina! I completely understand my life is like that daily everyone says I just have bad luck but I don't even know if I believe in luck. Life really isn't fair some people have it all while others have this hell. You really shouldn't blame yourself it's not you at all life just piles on the shxt & you constantly have to dig yourself out then when you finally get to the top, more shxt gets piled on & we have to start again. Don't ever put down that shovel! We can do this. Always here x

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  • Posted

    Thanks again to everyone for your replies I am sorry there are so many of us in the same situation it is so tiring keep picking yourself up time and time again, that dam hole is so deep and the sides are very slippery. Got very distressed yet again today, ended up driving and buying a load of sh** that I don't need, unsure why or how as don't really remember been very disassociated to life today.  

    Hope you all had  a better day, you all take care of yourselves. x

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  • Posted

    Hi do you feel better now you have got that off your chest?  You have not had a good day today at all but sometimes it goes like that and we all have them.  Days where you wish you hadn't bothered to get out of bed. Hopefully tomorrow  will be better.  I hope you get a good night sleep and wake up refreshed.  x

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    • Posted

      Thanks I don't even know what day it is anymore, had occupational health phone call from a Doctor on Friday he is recommending ill health retirement from what I can remember, from my employer, I am dreading this process which again doesn't guarantee I'll get it. I don;t trust my boss anymore feel as if everyone and the world id against me or deserting me. That big hole, stone covered in moss, abyss, fall off the edge of the planet just seems so tempting. 

      Which is so stupid like me had a nice walk out in the sun today with a friend who I feel, feels sorry for me and feels obliged to arrange walks every so often as me being the way I am is not good for her which is fair enough.

      I feel this therapy I'm doing is making things worse fell out with my support person too I just don't trust her and feel as if from the cmht she was the one that drew the short straw but who do you go to? They are all in it together paranoia again.. So what is the point in trying as I only just found out all I say in confidence to the psychiatrist gets typed up and sent to GP which yes I can understand as they are the first support, CMHT folder and whoever. I'm fed up with everything.Sorry I;m rambling so I will shut up.

      Thank you everyone for understanding being supportive and I do hope that you all get through this dreadful illness. 

      Bpd, Adjustment disorder I don't wish on anyone. I sometimes wonder if I am ill even. It is all a mistake????

       

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  • Posted

    I'm just fd off with everything. Good night all. xx

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    • Posted

      Hi sorry for not replying before been in a weird place distancing from everything head just blank or sticking my head in a bucket of sand. No motivation no interest, did go to exercise class yesterday. Now got an appointment with my manager tomorrow concerning the occupation health doctors report. Dreading it, I'm frightened of going into work how stupid is that. But then going on a night out leaving do for a member of staff. All I can think about is getting drunk to kill everything, last time I lost 3 hours that would be so nice. I'm just so exhausted. Hope you're all having a better time. X

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