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Life is f""""" s""" tried so hard today, up exercise class car frozen, defrosted that, coach broken down causing traffic jam so I was late, i know not in my control but doesn't help with my emotional problem, worked hard during exercise class, felt knackered, saw pharmacist as possible reaction to pain killers for the pains in my chest. Advised go to Dr;s appointment tomorrow, appointment with support person later to assist with my group therapy didn't turn up until 15 minutes late said not in her diary but recorded in my file as checked with receptionist, not that helpful or just me?. P"""" off to the beach just sat for ages in the sun watching, phoned Samaritans as very distressed but they had to go too so abandoned again or is it just me not thinking straight?, intrusive thoughts yet again!!!! Ended up in the sea only up past by back side just to get rid of the urge, it was very cold my toes still ache even now. When is this S""" going to get better keep trying time and time again but things just don;t seem to improve. Why? Am I that stupid, useless or do I just give up as I am tired, fed up, can't really see a point in life anymore. Get drunk and just go for it.
Don't worry I am at home at present going to bed but needed to get rid of this before I go to sleep.
Night all X
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