Lack of sleep...is there anyone there...?

Posted , 1 user is following.

I am so tired. Icaanot sleep. Blew up at my partner .you could cut the atmosphere in this house with a carving knife. This is hell!!

Anyway, he will not leave his children, with weirdo me. So there you go, not much left for me to do. This has gone on for about 2 years. Neither of ius can apply for another council house. As we are not married, it is seen that we are housed as 2 seperated individuals, not as a couple. This really infuriates me.....how have we got 2 lovely children ...Huh?

(I ask myself that 2!)

This leaves me an option of 3 things, !..take me and my children to shelter and run as fast aspossible.

2) Carry on living with this mentally abusive person who is making me ill...I mean , I am not fat, but he seems to think so.....none of this abuse is helping!!!

3) End it all! Take my life, but too scared and I am not prepared to leave my children either!!!

Oh there is a fourth option, but I would end up in jail if I were to do that and that in turn, would probably lead to my suicide!

(Mind you,I would have done less time for murder!)

Anyway, enough, enough, enough!!!

Sorry folks, but can anyone help me out, I am so scared about the future!

My only hope for me is to get a decent job, which is going to take a couple of years to achieve, and I am not sure what to do about that one either, There iago...indecisons!

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Sorry to hear about your troubles, its your partner thats the weirdo, whatever happens try not to do something crazy enough to get social services / the police involved as theyll happily take your kids away for 'adoption' sad
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  • Posted

    Well, thats not really helping...is it?

    There is no way Not on this yucky planet, that I would ever let that hapen...no way! My children are my sun, my rain my earth, my blood, my motive to survive. They are lovely...and...no monster is ever going to take my children away!!

    No, No NO!

    I will get myself better...and get that decent job, for them! Then we will see what happens!!! Maybe, that would change all perspectives on the whole situation. maybe if we had a more comfortable existence, life would be easier, and then maybe I would not be such a mooaaan!!! Would you agree???

    Anyway, huffy puff is given me the silent treatment....so he is gettng nicknamed 'zippy'....from now on!!! (What a child!!!). Iam enjoying the silence,( he he), maybe I should blow up at him more often,,,,okay...maybe not such a good idea. ( Just trying to joke a bit..its..just , so not good!) That would just make me as bad...would it not? :roll:

    Me and the children had fun today anyway, so he can just go and get stuffed!!!

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  • Posted

    :lol: Sorry, I know you were only trying to help! Hopefully you are right..hes the wierdo..or ..is it me? Just do not know anymore?

    Dont worry, I will not do anything stupid, just hope I win the lottery, just need a blit of luck!

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  • Posted

    Oh Im sorry, I guess I was a little tactless, I should have qualified my weirdo comment with a little explanation :oops: smile
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  • Posted

    All is forgiven. I amd no 'zippy'!, and I understand your point of view.

    I have a little problem. I cannot sleep....is it the citalopram that is making my head buzz, buzzz, buzz, alll night long, causing this?

    Does this mean I am okay, and i do not need it...or what?

    I am so very tired, that I cannot function, and i am very grumpy because of the tiredness. ( I was prescribed sleeping pills, but want take them...I am too scared i sleep in , in the morning and dont get my children to school on time).

    I dont know what to do. I also have an apllication form to fill out. it is vital I do this, but I just cant.

    Help!

    Katy :?

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  • Posted

    Hi Katy, hope you are ok, i dont the in and outs but my relationship had similarities, 2 people, worlds apart in every aspect of life, north and south and to be honest it would never have survived, if you can and you have feelings try, try and talk, i know its easier said than done, but seriously you have so much and yet he may not realise that, i didnt, but i do now. Just getting someone to understand you is hard , believe me , all the years i was with my ex, she never understood and never will understand me. You have the kids like i do, you always have this site to express your feelings and hopefully you wil get comfort from that, its hard, believe me, i have been through hell lately, and there is more to come, but i had some good news in last couple of days, which has given me a lift, a target to go for , something to strive for in the future, 1st time i have felt like that since it happened, yes i do get downers still, but maybe the citalapram helps, i dont know but life just doesnt seem that bad at this moment, maybe crap and will be in future, especially xmas and new year, i really hope things improve, you are not alone, i realised that, talk talk talk, you are not a weirdo, just someone who needs a someone and something good to happen, it will, take care, be strong JA
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  • Posted

    Hi JA, sorry to hear of your pain. Feel like crying after reading your post,

    Deep down, I dont really want to give up on this relationship, but I feel so unloved and so alone ,so moody.....all he does, while I am like this , is (well, what seems to me), wind me up!!!

    This year has been hell! Not just because of this...but I cant get my head round so many things!!!

    When my mum phoned today and started going on about her hair...I just wanted to hang up. I dont really want to go to my parents. I feel like such a failure, even though they divorced, its like, neither one of them have ever been able to forgive each other. Children shoid always come first is both their thoughts on the subject. ( Well, why was I never thought of????!)

    Is that just because they are the grandparents?

    So confused!!!

    Katy :cry:

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  • Posted

    Katy, it sounds just like my life, i brought the worse out of her and she done the same to me, she fell out of love with me, couldnt change that, . Excatly same with my parents , they are old fashioned and dont understand, im back home, its like a goldfish bowl, when my mum talks about the weather, do i really care ?? you just want someone to listen, have you tried counselling ? i have and for me it helps in its own funny way, you are not a failure, i felt like this and i still do, my kids have now come from a broken home, last thing ever i wanted, i look at them, and think of what we have done to them, it does choke me, but i will give them everything thing i have to know how important they and how much i love them and that i will always be there. Katy, with my kids, i just want my wife out the house, i have so much anger for her, but do i want my kids to suffer, of course not, your parents may have got so pre occupied with their issues and problems , i dont know, talk to them, like me dont always pre empt what people think and do, i think thats the depression again, i always think the worse. i get confused all the time, but one good thing may just lead to another and another and it may become clearer, JA
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  • Posted

    :cry: There is no way I could talk to my parents about this one. Unfortunately, they were so north and south, they have never spoken to each other since I was eleven!

    My older sister seems to be a bit anorexic, and drinks more heavily than I do, or did! The consequences of seperating , just seems so scary.

    For instance, when I was stalked as a student each parent passed the buck , in the end it was my sister that helped. We are very close now, sometimes too close....but she is now iaway teaching at the very end of Scotland. I miss her so.

    So I am very confused, but i cant carry on crying everyday, and throwing wobblies,..and feeling like i have and will loose everything....just lost.

    You talk about being north and south. with your ex wife...for us its more like....; like feeding on each others hearts, and sucking the life of goodness out of each other. Like vampires....but I dont know which one of us first sucked the blood out of the other...do you understand where i am coming from?

    So someone needs to 'turn the lights on\" and maybe leave them on for a bit.

    Thanks for listening, Katy

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  • Posted

    Katy, yes i do understand where you are coming from, i dont know your life but with mine, she didnt what to do with me and the same for me with her, we tried everything, even a holiday of a lifetime was a disaster. In truth all we had was alot in common, we were used to each other, had the house and kids, we never made each other and never would , it had gone too far. One of you needs to take control and try and start the recovery, i really hope you do.

    You do sound like you have had problems, im sorry to hear that, but you do have a partner and 2 kids, that os something, u can get stuck in a rut , we did, but make sure it doesnt go too far, god, i should have listened to myself, thats the trouble, once its all over you can see where things went wrong, with the crying and wobblies, try and talk to your partner, talking works wonders, spilling your heart out, again try counselling , fear and unknown are terrible but you can control this by controlling your future to a degree, waffling again, but sit up and take control, talk to people and something may get just click and get you moving forward in something in your life, tale care, and thanks for listening to me go on and on. JA

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  • Posted

    Hi JA, the thing is...my partner just makes a joke out of everything....sometimes I am the element for that joke. But this does not help , especially when you are feeling very sensitive about yourself.

    I dont know if counselling would help. He is so much older than me, and stuck in his ways. He has a power over me, to the point that I just feel drained. He shouts at me, and always wins, I just feel so weak, weakened, by men maybe! But its not that I am weak, I just find it difficult to keep the flow going in an argument. We were like an Angie and Den couple, but now I am not drinking bla bla, i seem to have become even more insular! This is worse! Then I just cannot sleep and worry about the future. Ja, I dont know where this is heading....im frightened and scared...but I know that I want do anything daft...I have my kids to think of.

    Maybe, it will get netter...but i cannot see the light!

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  • Posted

    Katy, no pls dont anything silly, scared and frightened of the unknown? if so , i was when it happened to me,i was lucky to have a place to go and terrific support, but not knowing the future is unbelievably scary, i hate to think of being on my own again but as bad as it is now, it will get better, it has to. Me and my ex had similar probs, i was much more of a dominant personality than my wife, only at home, we had argument after argument and in the end she walked all over me, i was walking on egg shells, in a way i didnt want to face reality, pls try and connect with your partner in some way, letter, romantic dinner something, just connect and it may be a start, try something, who am i to advise, my lifes a disaster, but if 1 thing i say helps then thats good, look after yourself JA
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  • Posted

    Katy, no pls dont anything silly, scared and frightened of the unknown? if so , i was when it happened to me,i was lucky to have a place to go and terrific support, but not knowing the future is unbelievably scary, i hate to think of being on my own again but as bad as it is now, it will get better, it has to. Me and my ex had similar probs, i was much more of a dominant personality than my wife, only at home, we had argument after argument and in the end she walked all over me, i was walking on egg shells, in a way i didnt want to face reality, pls try and connect with your partner in some way, letter, romantic dinner something, just connect and it may be a start, try something, who am i to advise, my lifes a disaster, but if 1 thing i say helps then thats good, look after yourself JA
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