Last straw Please help.

Hi godofwar37398

We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

Kindest regards

Patient

Hi godofwar.  Firstly, I agree with the sentiments expressed by patient, so please take note and take my comments in a constructive way.

You say you're young but don't say how young - you still have a lot of life ahead of you.  I'm 41/2 weeks post op for an ankle fusion and the root cause of that was football - back in the days when you could tackle properly.  I'm now 55 and when my foot is better I'm gonna be back to powerlifting - no matter how limiting that might be.

When I was in hosp, I had the pleasure of being in the same ward as a guy who had just had his leg amputated after a previously unsuccessful knee op.  Ok, he was around my age, so not young, but he was still in good humour and looking at what he could still do rather than what he couldn't do.

I know all too well that living with pain can get you really down because it makes you focus on the negative.  I found that because I was walking and standing differently to take the weight off my rt leg, I ended up with bad lower back spasms on my left side as it was compensating.  This might be what is happening to your left side.

You need to keep on at your GP, or, depending on your finances, see a private consultant who specialises in sports injuries - research Google to find one.

Above all, and you've named yourself good war, DON'T GIVE UP. As a sportsman you should be used to having to stretch yourself and compete and now is when you need to dig in deep to compete with yourself.  If it turns out that you can't play footy anymore, try something else - there are many parasports people with huge disabilities who still compete to their absolute limits and you can too.

All the best.

Hi godofwar37398

The description of your sufferings has similarities to a number of persons that have posted on this forum, I've noted that many including myself have suffered with long bouts of depression, I urge you to hold on friend, however difficult it gets and how low you feel,do not be dismayed, you are not alone. I am not in your shoes friend, and I appreciate we are all at different levels of recovery, but for most that  I see from this forum, many have suffered life changing injuries, a lady hit by a drunk driver for example, I urge you to seek help with your depression as I did, so much help is available friend. Today i have a my 8th consultation with my Healthy Mind therapist, I encourage you to get professional help, your family mean well but they don't have the  necessary  expertise, at times we can be are own worse enemy, get the help friend available. Bless ya! 

Hey stay strong I understand it gets you down. I slipped on a step 4 years ago X-ray showed nothing told to rest 2 weeks later had MRI showing 2 ligaments torn completely. Op to fix this Jan 14 still in pain cortisone injection then subtalar fusion oct 15 rehab still in pain no one could work out why lots of tests injections now found tear in tendon and it's not sitting where is should be no guarantee that it will take pain away but now waiting for op..I can't work I can't walk very far so I also can't take pain medication..I know where your coming from please talk to someone I'm lucky I have family support .. 

Hello God of Peace (I'm from California). Your story sounds similar to mine and it also affected my personal life a great deal. Eight years later,  a divorce, five surgeries, forced to take an early retirement , just now, I'm turning things around. Your  original injury never healed and if you don't get to the bottom of this asap I'm afraid you're headed to more trouble. In my case I had a tear on the peroneal tendon that should have been operated on early on. I went 4 years on "conservative treatment" and when they gave me a walking cast I got severe nerve damage on top of that. Your other foot starts compensating and it strains it, it's common. Insist on a new MRI, newer model machine, and go seek advice from 2 or 3 professionals. Do surgery if you have to! Hope this helps and let me know how it's going for you.

God of War,

I'm so sorry to hear of your dire situation. You have certainly been through a lot. I'm sure everyone reading your story sends you their sympathies.

Quite unfortunately, your story sounds typical of many I have heard on this forum-- an ordinary ankle sprain is not properly treated, and then the patient tries to resume normal activities (yes, even demanding sports!). A slow-motion ankle train wreck then ensues.

It is not your fault at all-- no one gave you first aid for your injured ankle; you did not get proper treatment, or good advice on how to safely and permanently recover.

Of course, hindsight is always 20/20. Crucial thing now is manage your chronic ankle disability, and hopefully get back as much normal ankle function as possible.

I wish I could give you a road map on how exactly to do that. Obviously I can't do that-- you need a trained, competent health professional specializing in your type of condition to guide you through this and get you out of danger. I'm afraid a run-of-the-mill GP or orthopedist is likely to come up short.

The only non-technical advice I can offer is: minimize further ankle wear and tear and damage by staying off it as much as humanly possible. Wear a strong ankle brace if that will help.

If possible, find a sedentary occupation to help save the ankle from stress of a lot of standing and walking.

If you are adventurous, you could investigate the world of non-mainstream healing modalities if conventional medical treatment can't help you.

You seem determined to fix your problem, so persevere anyway. Please don't get depressed about it, instead please be resolute about it and resolve to push through regardless.

Only those who give up are truly lost.

Hello godofwar, 

i had lost most of my mobility about five years ago. I went from walking miles every day to only being able to get from point A to point B. I saw a surgeon who told me that there's nothing that can be done for my feet as there was too much going on with them. He basically told me to go home & prepare for life in a wheelchair. I was devastated. I cried myself to sleep on a nightly basis & I also contemplated suicide. I was being tormented with fear. Finally I had to give it to God as the weight of this was exhausting. I have a very strong faith & I believe the events that followed after that was because of God's mercy & him opening doors for me. I now sit here at nine weeks after an ankle fusion & arch reconstruction. The impossible became possible. I went back to my Doctor constantly asking for a second opinion. Finally I was sent to a different surgeon who agreed to do surgery on me. I saw him yesterday & he's really pleased with the outcome of my surgery & feels it is a success. He will also be doing my other foot next year. If I had of listened to just one surgeon, I'd be in a wheelchair right now or succumbed to my depression. I'm asking you to fight. You are young & theres hope & help out there for you. You just have to find the right person who can diognose you & bring you the help you need. Don't give up.  You're in the fight of your life right now & you can win this fight. Life is a gift so don't throw it away. Get out there & seek out the help you need. It's there. You just need to find it. 

Don't think Ure ankle hurting is worth dying hope Ure ok tho

Have you seen a specialist in foot/ankle problems.  I don't know where you live, I am assuming they would have specialist.  I am also assuming you have had xrays, I would not trust a GP and hospitals unless that is your only option.  Please contact a suicide hotline.  I am sorry you are suffering.  Is there any position you are comfortable in that makes it bearable.  Do you have Uber or other ride sharing where you can get a job that doesn't require so much standing??

Oh Godofwar, please do not do anything daft, you may not think your family care but they are probably glossing over it to try and help you think positively.My Hubby seems to 'poo-poo' my moaning about my pain but he is just trying to make me feel less anxious.  As Penguin says your left ankle is probably painful now because you are 'compensating' and using different muscles to alleviate your pain. Please see your GP again, if he will not see you then go to A&E and insist on being seen and tell them about your depression. People do care, just talk. I wish you well x