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Let me start with I am 50 (51 next month) and what I guess is post menopause. I haven't had a period since Oct 2017. I always thought that was menopause but I see that the term menopause is used interchangeably with peri menopause. Whatever I am, I haven't had a period in 17 months.
I have had for the last month or breast pain issues intermittently. It started with my right breast but was more the breast muscle. The pain/ache moved from inside to outside to bottom etc. I had a 3D mammogram done and a thorough (ugh) breast exam. Results normal. It does say that I have scattered glandular tissue. I ask myself why I keep focusing on the negative instead of the good. I am my own worse enemy.
My mammogram is normal, but I focus on the scattered glandular tissue, and worry. Especially when I have breast pain which has been on my left breast now. It aches. My upper arm and my armpit ache on my left now too. I am sick of it. Go away pain, I am tired of it.
I feel like I am alone. Peri menopause was hell for me. Years of hell. I feel it damaged not only my health but my spirit and personality. It changed me irrevocably. Which makes me really depressed and angry.
I had all my hormones tested (I kind of regret that now). FSH last year was 86.4 about 2 weeks ago 78.4 progesterone is .28, testosterone 16.00, LH is 43.5 just finally got my estrogen results yesterday 124.3 . They said my results were normal and I called back about the estrogen and one of the NP called me back and said it is normal because we could test it again and it would be another result entirely. I get it, hormones fluctuate... she then asked me if I had any lower back pain or kidney issues. I said not yet. lol. Now I worry more. She said that I am only 17 months in menopause (post) and my hormones will fluctuate. She said it will take time for my hormones to "settle". Why do I feel I was verbally patted on the head?
She also said my testosterone is low. Well my chin "whiskers" beg to differ lol.
I am worried I have estrogen dominance. I am overweight and fat produces estrogen. Lovely. I keep putting on weight.
The left breast pain/ache. I am tired of it. It went away for a few days and now it's back. I have aches and pains all over my body. Randomly, like twinges. Back aches. I can actually deal with all of that, but when I get a continuous or reoccurring pain, ache, twinge, etc. My worry kicks in high. I am so sick of focusing on every little thing my body does. But I can't stop.
The "symptoms" (is it really symptoms when it seems more like a way of life?) have lessened to a degree since I have stopped my periods. But they are still there. The thing is I seem to be alone. I read all the post of all the other women and they are peri/menopause or menopause but still having periods. So it compounds that there is something really wrong with me. I am a freak or/and have cancer or some deadly disease. None of my friends or family has any issues with menopause. How can that be? I live hundreds of miles from my friends and family and have never felt so broken and alone in my life.
I have been to the ER, Dr, Nurse Practitioner, I have had all kinds of test run and they are fine....so far. I get so as I think, maybe they missed something. Because this all can't be right. I am not a horrible person. Not really. So why me? I lash out and am short tempered because I feel like an animal who is caught in a trap. Trying to gnaw my way free. My husband is just....a man, which makes me an alien in his eyes. I am trying to let go of my anger, but what is left is me sobbing.
I am not eligible for HRT because I have had heart issues.
Sorry for the long windedness. I don't know how to be any other way, honestly.
Wishing you all normal days.
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