Let's talk about how our anxiety may have started

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was just sitting here talking to a new friend I met on the forum and it made me think about what's going on in my life and why I may have brought on my anxiety well I'll start here I have a boyfriend that I've been with for over 10+ years and either of us have children we both want a child but we have some issues in our relationship that are not so great last year we went through a serious situation now for years he has cheated and lied and a lot of other things throughout those tens years well one day I retaliated and spun some money he told me to hold for him now it wasn't all of his.money he had it was a portion the portion he told me to hold then after I did that I felt bad because he wasad and hurt and called me all kinds of names like a thief and so many more I apologize over ( no exaggerating) 100+ times and tried to make it up to him but he continuously threw it in my face , every argument so we lived together at the time of me telling him about the money (which was May 2015) after arguing for this same thing from May -November I was at work one day I remember the exact day Friday November 13th 2015 I was sitting at my desk and all of a sudden I felt this rush of adrenaline come over me out of nowhere I started shaking and my heart started racing and I felt like I was going to faint I left work went to the ER THEY did blood work cat scan and chest xray and EKG said I was fine said it sounds like a panic attack well I thought that was just a one time thing but it kept happening and he kept arguing with me and I felt so sick for months panic attacks daily arguing daily about the money I was loosing weight drastically before the anxiety took over my life I would cook him dinner everyday when i get off work I was doing all the duties of a wife and I was only a girlfriend and when I got sick I couldn't cook as much and do all those things I use to do so that was even more stress added he started to cheat on me again whenever he felt like it he just kept kicking me while I was down this went on up until about late January early February of this year I got fed up so I left and moved back home with my dad I needed a break I was out of work for a couple months because my panic and anxiety had gotten so bad I was running back and fourth to the ER and all types of doctors getting test done to rule out anything serious I slipped into depression from all the crazy scary anxiety sensations and symptoms . I finally was able after a few months to get my anxiety controllable a little just enough to go back to work , so i went back to work in April me and my best friend worked together side by side shes more like my little sister we did everything together she was there by my side for everything every birthday going to the mall and out to eat and happy hour and my shoulder to cry on SHE WAS THERE FOR EVERYTHING she helped me get througH each day at work when I felt like I wanted to give up and just stay at home and be depressed anyways she got me through each day until all of a sudden she died on August 1 2017 and WE STILL don't know why still waiting on the report . So of course just when I started getting a hold on my anxiety and panic that happen so every since then my amxoett has again sent through the roof There is so much more to this story but I kind of gave the overall big picture leaving out a little detail sorry to wrote this long book guys feel free to share your story no matter how long it is

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  • Posted

    How very sad to have lost your friend.  It doesn't take the pain away, but you are young and will be able to make many friends in the years to come.  

    You made some healthy decisions to go back to your dad's.  You are strong, but that guy beat you down.  You will bounce back.  Always remember, the best revenge is success!  Move on to better things. 

    We all make mistakes; abusers don't think their's stinks, so they badger you to distract you from their imperfections.  

    CAn I safely assume you are no longer having contact with the man you left? It will take time to work through the anxiety of that relationship, I wouldn't be suprised if you got some PTSD in there.  Adrenaline is an amazing thing, it reminds us to get up and move and moving, the best medicine for relieving stress. 

    Anxiety won't hurt you (the docs say that anyway) but it is a very physical and scary responce to the hell you were living in.  I am not convinced doctors now anything about anxety and what is actually happening to the heart. It is a normal responce to what you have been through, work it out, go to the gym or a run.  Make a new focus and find some fun!  

    I had to giggle, that was the longest sentance I have ever readexclaim  

    If you have not read it, there is a book called "why does he do that".  It's the best book I have ever read on how to see the red flags in a relationship before you get entangled.  It is geared toward women, but it is usful for anyone who has been in unhealthy or abusve realationships and never wants to again.  

      I am grateful you are with your dad.  😊

     

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    • Posted

      Yes thank you so much I loved reading what you wrote and no.I'm no longer talking with that guy , he broke me down pretty bad im trying to regain my strength. I'm getting ready to go back to college I'm going for my bachelors in business management , and I work full time along with battle my severe anxiety and panic disorder , I want to one day have children and get married , and I hope god has that planned in my future I just want to feel happy again and I want someone to love me as much or more than i love them. I just need to spend time on rebuilding and loving myself more because I lost myself a long time ago to a person that doesn't appreciate me and it's so sad

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  • Posted

    Hi Jennie,

    Your story made me want to cry! My anxiety started 6 years ago when my grandmother became sick and I took care of her on hospice care she was amazing and it broke my heart to loose her. Two weeks after that my son who was 7 at the time got a really rare skin disease called pityriosis lichenoidos. He looked like you drug him down the asphalt at 50mph. It took 3 weeks and 6 doctors to finally diagnose him of course there was no explanation or cure! He stayed this way for 3 years! I thought I was handling it good but driving down the road I became dizzy and had a full blown panic attack this turned into me not driving for 5 years and rarely leaving the house other than for doctors for my son. I had to start homeschooling my 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter! I started taking celexa 1.5 years ago but I still struggle with anxiety! My son has been in remission for 3 years but he is now OCD about germs! That is my story! I pray that you will find peace soon!

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    • Posted

      Hi dalene , I'm so sorry I made u cry sweetheart, yes this has been a really rough year for me , and I feel really sad , yesterday was my birthday which was bittersweet. I'm glad your son is doing better and yes anxiety is a beast I struggle daily at work and home .

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  • Posted

    Hi Jenni!

    Thank you for this post it got my mind away from the troubling things that I often think of. Sorry to hear about your friend praying you get some answers soon and some peace. Also sorry to hear about your relationship; we women take a lot and often times it manifests in us in interesting ways to say the least.

    As for me I think I've had anxiety my entire life honestly. As a child I would have these episodes that I would cry and hyperventilate when I was in situations I deemed scary. I was told they were asthma attacks. In adulthood though my mother had gotten into some trouble with the law and I was her support system. I honestly didn't think it was effecting me. I was also in a relationship with someone who just wasn't a good person. Constant lies and deception. I was in church one day and I couldn't focus. I kept getting up and leaving my sister came to check on me and I was having a full blown attack that scared her. Then a few weeks later my mother was sentenced to some jail time and I thought I was fine. I went home and began to hyperventilate and vomit. I would go through periods of not eating and not sleeping for days at a time. I lost a ton of weight and convinced myself I had HIV. I became obsessed with getting tested although I had received many negative results. I was convinced I was going to die so I wouldn't leave the house. That was the first go round. I went to counseling and went to acupuncture things got better and I got on with life.

    Then in 2013 I was living and enjoying life. Not many cares in the world. I moved to a new state with a my now husband, things seemed to be going well and my aunt who raised me from the times I was 2 years old was diagnosed with an incurable cancer. I became her caretaker moved back home. My husband moved us to a nice place so I could be near my aunt but not there all of the time as herequested illness was consuming me. When we moved I laid on the floor in our bedroom in a fetal position and didn't get up for like a month. I got on Celexa and Valium and faired very well.

    My aunt died in 2014 and I became my grandmother's caregiver. No one helped me in my family and it's been rough. Almost losing my grandmoms house to a greedy family member, my grandmom has dementia so it's been hard. For the last few months I've been trying to get my family to help as it was becoming taxing on me. My husband and I were living in separate states because he has a business to run and I'm only 32 so I was trying to have a life..no one would help and in the beginning of September I couldn't get out of the bed for a week..then things progressively got worse and I started having constanct panic attacks and then became obsessed with cancer and fearful that I have it. So I've been a recluse..my husband moved us again and this time I'm trying to stick it out. I'm on Prozac now and I'm trying. Most days are rough. I still don't have much of an appetite so I'm losing weight and that's scary. I pray daily for a change and for things to get better.

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    • Posted

      Hi nai thanks.so.much for sharing and yes anxiety is scary and panic attacks are worse than scary you tend to think your about to check.ojt if you know what I mean !! Stay strong honey it will get easier to deal with in time
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  • Posted

    Mine started when i was young the anxiety and adhd. I was always in fear of throwing up. I had to rearrange my room after in fear it would happen again. I was always anxious up till junior high when it went full blown. I was suppose to go eat dinner with my parents. i didnt really want to so i said i was going to a friends. I call my mom like 5 min later to tell her that i wasnt going to my friends cuz plans fell through as i was talking to her i herd the thud thud thud. Then my granpa calling out on the phone oh god. Right then i knew something was wrong. I ran to my godmother and told her so we started driving down roads. then my friends dad emt told us about a wreck on a different road. we pulled up and it was my parents suburban. it got hit from a kid coming off a dirt road who didnt stop at the stop sign. So the thud sounds were me hearing their car rolling over. Every made it out ok except my grandma. she passed away later. Then i had a gf of two years and it ended badly her parents forced us to break up. and it was bad so now i dont deal with loss well at all i panic i pretty much go crazy. if i break up or lose a family member. Every time it gets worse because i remember all the past issues ive ever had and every new one just adds to it. 
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    • Posted

      Oh wow Purelife. Sorry to hear about those events in your life. I don't deal with loss well either. I actually just don't deal with it which causes other issues. Are you in counseling or on medication?

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    • Posted

      Ive been through it all meds, therapy , CBT none of it really worked. I stay away from benzos. I took a lot of SSRI which in my opinion made thing worse. I also took this drug called acutane a drug to help with acne. Found out thats linked to a lot of stomach probs which i have as well as depression and anxiety. Right now my doctor said theres a reason i dont do well on ssri i cant even take musinex dm with out freaking out. But thats all part of it she said. So i got a drug in a diff class with min side effects. Its a antiseizure drug so far it has stablized my mood just need to add something else to help with anxiety and dpression
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