Let's talk about the emotional side of Perimenopause and vanity=midlife crisis

Posted , 16 users are following.

Not only do I feel different physically, but the other stuff is what I'm having a REALLY hard time with: bad vision/need reader glasses, saggy crate paper skin, spots on arms and legs, dull high maintenance hair, toenails changing from thyroid, saggy boobs, varicose veins, nose/ears growing, cellulite and gravity, midsection is bloated, I'm having hard time losing weight, etc. I feel so unattractive with all of these body and skin changes. I've always had firm, dewy skin with full cheeks, long thick shiny hair, that I apparently took for granted 😃 My appearance has changed so much. I do have a wonderful husband that gets better looking with age, and loves growing older with me. I am working on changing my mindset and trying to find peace with all of this. I'm definitely going through a midlife crisis. Sorry to be such a downer, is anyone else struggling with this? 😃

2 likes, 18 replies

18 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi am just 44 and have been feeling the same . Low self esteem ,depression comes on strong as well. At the moment i do hate my body and life. Our minds go from 0 to 100 in seconds. I try fighting my feelings but it so overwhelming. I do hope for everyone to get through this trying time as fast as possible. Take care.

  • Posted

    Oh Honey, you have NO IDEA. (On second thought, yes you do)

    **One of the hardest things for me was the first time I had painful sex. Or those occasions where orgasm wasn't remotely possible. (WTH? That NEVER happened before) And all these other physical changes make it hard to feel sexy anyway. I have plenty of friends, who've just given up on sex entirely. (Sad but true, and I really don't think people want to talk about it. They simply pretend they're still having sex. But if you can get them to open up and talk about it, you realize this happens more frequently than is reported.) **

    There is NOTHING fair about what happens with menopause. There are times when I'm out and about and noticing older woman. The sagging bodies, non existent waist lines, overgrown sagging boobs, loss of hair, faces wrinkled. And I think, OH SHOOT that's where I'm headed. (But I don't use the word shoot, if you know what I mean)

    Remember looking at old photos and you couldn't identify a person in younger years, based on what aging did? Yeah, that's where we're headed.

    I hate all of this. And honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with appropriately grieving our loss. Just so long as we don't get hooked into that mind set. There's still life to live, if we can remain functional, and get over missing what we once were, and how we once looked.

    But I think your discussion is very important. It's real, it's honest, and it's necessary. Until we can get to the point where we can emotionally adjust, and continue to laugh. (And don't think there isn't a doctor around the corner all to willing to throw anti depressants your direction!)Well Doc, of course I'm depressed. I look like hell, have no energy, don't feel right, don't sleep well, and can't even enjoy sex!

    • Posted

      girl you made me laugh because you sound just like me and my girlfriend bitching around about. i wish we could all meet and talk about these things. we should have a memorial for our youth. but ladies we are fine wines and we should keep on going and do our best. love you all sisters from other mothers. MICHELLE 49 from NY

  • Posted

    For sure. And it's even harder when you're still trying to FIND a husband lol. And so many men want women who look younger than them. While like you said, men look better with age, at least a lot of them. I feel like I'm in an alien body. In addition to a fibroid growing like crazy because of my messed up hormones, I've gained a ton of weight in my boobs and midsection, also prob the fibroid in part. I look pregnant! And I've gone up 2 pant sizes!! And can no longer fit in any of my jackets. Yet I'm eating still healthy and even cutting calories and it seems super hard to make the scale budge. I also have more sagging skin than wrinkles and lately irritated lady bits and no idea why, but think it's just ph/hormonal imbalance too. I tried coconut oil and it made it worse. 😦 And then I tried taking natural progesterone since mine is so low, which causes estrogen dominance and weight gain. And the progesterone made me gain MORE weight. So it's not like doctors can just give you hormones and balance you out. They are clueless. So I am right there with you sister!! I don't want to die alone and want to find a husband but I feel so fat and disgusting I wouldn't even attempt online dating right now. And sex would prob be miserable with the fibroid and ph stuff. I hope it's not too late ... You're husband sounds great! I'm glad you have a good man to support you. But I know it's still maddening that your body is out of control and I still haven't found a doctor to help.

  • Posted

    OMGoodness yes... My vision has been blurry here and there. aggravating to need glasses for most things. I just noticed I'm getting small brown spots on my legs.. spider veins.. more moles on my arms... my hair is not what it used to be. I have gained some weight so that is my number 1 goal is to get rid of it before it gets out of control. I used to spend money on clothes but now I spend my money on good skincare products. Just be good to yourself and know that you have a wonderful husband who loves you for you!!! : )

    • Posted

      I know! I am still trying to find a husband and getting very sad about it. I also am not giving up on fitting back into my clothes. Don't you give up either! We are in this together!! I'm also hoping doctors will find better treatments soon.

  • Posted

    Hi kimberley

    Yes! Unfortunately I also have a husband who gets better looking with age! Lucky us really 😉 it's the skin and hair for me too, but I also have thyroid issues so if it's not one thing it's another. I know it's extreme but I had to have an emergency ileostomy at 37 (I'm 43 now) and if you can hang onto a bit of self esteem after that disaster , the rest I'll just work with. I think it's probably part of the process though to accept these changes but when they are coming at you thick and fast, it's hard going. To be honest, I invest far more in being active now than I ever did.... So I may look like hell, but by God I'm fit 😂😊 xx

    • Posted

      Im the same way! I am more invested now in being active than ever before, but look like hell while I'm doing it! It would take me too long to make sure my gray hair is colored, defrizzed with a flat iron and put up in a cute high pony, add covering up the spots and busted capillaries on my face, perking up the aging skin around my eyes and neck and a cute coordinated outfit .... hell, I'd never get anything accomplished and would be too tired to do anything if I had the time! I run around now with all my "old lady" signs showing and try to not care too much. My focus now is staying alive and healthy, not looking great! I wish they still went hand in hand like they effortlessly did a decade ago, but that isn't the case anymore. It seems I've just collapsed in the youth department the last 3 years or so ( I'm 51) and I'm still trying to cope and absorb it and realize this is as good as it gets as far as wrinkles and age spots, ect. Now, I'm focused in keeping my a$$ alive and healthy as long as I can!

      And I have one of those husbands that looks better with age, too. His silver hair looks amazing and actually looks better with his skin tone that his brown hair did! The man is 3 years older than me and has beautiful, unblemished skin and hardly any sagging. All this and he grew up in Hawaii baking in the sun all day long! Go figure!

  • Posted

    Your not being a downer youve described perfectly how this bloody hell is as thats exactly how it feels. Like hell on earth. My whole world has been turnt upside down bu this so i feel your pain. Im struggling so much with not only how i feel but how much ive changed physically.. I've always taken care of my appearance and like to look nice but i just feel so frumpy, bloated ,ugly and old. My hair feels like a wig,my skins like dull tracing paper and i've also been lucky enough to develop acne at 49 This week ive tried to change my mindset to help deal with this hell. I tend to overwork things in my mind and get myself so anxious then the whole cycle starts again, so ive been trying to deal with one thing at a time and lots of deep breathing lol . Its helping slighty and help of any kind is a positive. The memory loss,hot sweats ,blank mind and dry vagina are the worst for me . Sorry to sound so bloody miserable but i am lol x

  • Posted

    Ha, thanks ladies for letting me vent and spill the beans about how I'm really feeling. I've been making efforts to ditch the bloated belly. I refuse to buy bigger clothes. Nothing more motivating than a pair of uncomfortable tight pants with muffin top, lol! I'm actually a very positive person and try to find the positive in everything...this one (peri) got me! I will eventually find my peace with it...after some Botox and laser skin rejuvination 😃 lol! Love to you!

  • Posted

    Yes, all those things and I too suddenly definitely feel very unattractive, plus i seem allergic to more things now too!

    I just wonder where it will end as I look about 90 at the mo but am only 47! In my younger years i used to feel ok and attractive but now?!? YUGH! I just feel and know i look awful but don't have the energy to do anything about it!! Sooo exhausted.

    Sorry, I'm alway on here moaning! It's just you guys understand... my friends aren't yet going through it and don't.

    AJ. xx

  • Posted

    oh yes!! I feel my body has aged at least 15 years in the last 3! All of the above you mentioned. Unfortunately I am single, and the idea of revealing the state of my body to a man, just seems impossible; as I am so ashamed. Also my teeth are falling apart and I have chronic jaw joint pain . I now have eczema around my eyes too, so cant wear eye make up. I have gained thick vertical lines above my nose, just in the last year! Now when I look in the mirror I say"yeh , whatever" and try not to think about it. I know its just vanity, but being surrounded by young , beautiful, clever young women at work; is very hard!

    • Posted

      Same! Also single, and don't even want to look in the mirror. And also just developed TMJ. I am with you.

    • Posted

      OMG! I have those thick vertical lines! In fact, a guy at Boots Th e Chemist on the cosmetic counter told me I had an '11 o'clock thing going on' as the lines are so apparent! 😮

      How rude!! I wish I was 21 again!!

    • Posted

      I have 1 thick/deep vertical line--- if I could get rid of it, I'm sure I would look younger!! Some day I might just try botox.

    • Posted

      Botox is the only thing that helps and as you get older you need more 😦 I started getting those lines at 35!!

    • Posted

      I think I was around that age too... now the rest of my face is joining in too!! 😦

    • Posted

      If we were men we'd be "ruggedly handsome" lol. But most men want women that are "dewy" not "rugged" 😦

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