Libido

Posted , 11 users are following.

What is your experience with Libido during/after menopause/perimenopause ?

For me it peaked just before i hit menopause and then vanished suddenly and completely. it's distressing and bewildering.

I want to know, if it will ever return.

How has your experience been in this?

Has your libido gone down/gone up/remained the same?

Has medication helped anyone? What medication/HRT do you take?

Does the Libido ever return to how it was, Has this happened to anyone? If it does then how long does it take to return?

How does one spend the next couple of decade or so without sex?

How does your partner feel? Are they supportive or distant? Do you worry that not having a libido will affect your relationship?

Would love to hear from you all. Rarely is this part of menopause discussed. It's always the hot flashes, migraines, bone loss, spotting, weight gain and so on that is being discussed. Never this very important part. Doctors dismiss it as psychological. But it's definitely physical.

How have you all adjusted to this change?

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    hi mee, my libido is non existent at this point and thank goodness my husband is supporting. it helps that he has really never cared about sex one way or the other as long as we cuddle lol. I do miss the closeness though and the connection it gives us as humans. hopefully one day it will return...

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  • Posted

    Mine always ebbed and flowed in general, but I think this is normal. The body is essentially saying "Well, no more kids," so naturally, the desire to have sex diminishes when the normal biological outcome isn't a possibility. Our bodies are such amazing things, they know when we are fertile, and our libido rises during times of ovulation. Then it diminishes during other times of the cycle. I would think that last time of high libido you had before it dropped off would be the body's last ditch effort to make use of its fertility.

    As far as your partner... well, there needs to be an understanding on his part, I would think. Seasons change, and so do we. Men are naturally more inclined to have a high libido because they have to be "ready" when the woman is fertile if procreation is desired, and since that is unpredictable based on the female partner, they are just naturally more "horny."

    I have heard that it does come back later. The stress of menopause is over, and the stress of birth control is over, so you get the opportunity to just have some fun. Be honest with your spouse, talk about things, and remember that there are things you can do for him in the meantime if you don't want to deny him some enjoyment.

    It's a natural part of life, and we just have to learn to work around it. =)

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  • Posted

    My experience is much like yours. Drive peaked the few years before peri started and then bottomed out. Husband was hurt even though I tried to explain. The only thing that has helped me is prescription testosterone cream. I had hormone testing and found my testosterone was just barely in normal range.

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  • Posted

    Mee,

    Like all hormone replacement it is a individual choice. What do you want and what is important to you and your spouse as you go into your aging years. For me I truly believe keeping intimacy alive in our lives is very beneficial to our health and happiness. For me I had the surge before my periods ended and then not so nice things started to show up after my periods ended. Lack of lubrication, loss of sensitivity, soreness and less desire started to settle in. Orgasms harder to achieve. My husband was another challenge for me because although we think men always want it, truth is their hormones are crashing too, mainly their testosterone and with that goes their want and desire too. My husband was wanting the tv, couch and apple pie more than sex and it was very obvious things were changing for him as well. I didn't like what was happening to our intimacy at all. We are both on pellet therapy now. What a world of difference. I must say in all honesty, I don't think once our hormones plummet your ever going to get your libido back the way it was. Your body is never going to make the hormones like it once did. If you are at all interested in keeping this piece of your life in tact you really have to replenish your hormones with the right ones. That goes for your partner too if he starts to notice his interest diminishing. If you wait too long you will see other things happening that are not so good. Vaginal atrophy being one of them. As I'm sure you have seen on the board. Once your having thinning of the vaginal walls and dryness it is very difficult to get it turned back around. You can keep this part of your relationship alive if you so desire. Many doctors miss an important piece in women's hormone treatment and that is testosterone. Women have had it their whole life and they need it replaced with the other hormones as well. Bio Identical hormones that our bodies recognize are what we want, not synthetics and a good doctor that knows what their doing. Good luck

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  • Posted

    When I hit 38 I was on fire. More libido than i could handle. When I turned 44 ish I noticed dryness but the urge was still there. When I turned 46 it completely tanked. I have no desire, dryness, loss of sensation, would rather sleep in bed and lost all interest. Its shocking for someone who was always chasing her husband around and always wanted sex more than he did. Now the tables are turned and HE is the one who wants intimacy and Im avoiding. Im not going to take hormones but I have bought good quality lubricant. I have noticed that if I use it before we start, not 5 or 10 mins into it, that it is more pleasurable and the sex is better.

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  • Posted

    Thank you all so much for all the replies. i don't feel so alone anymore! Testosterone seems to be the key. i will check that out. Am sure it's 0 for me. I work out, lift weights, run, i eat organic, cut sugar etc etc but it's not helping. It's not helping that my husband is fifteen years younger!

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  • Posted

    Another trick... Mucinex (Guaifenesin). It's the stuff you use when you are sick and have mucus you are trying to expel. It has a "side effect" of causing more discharge down there, too. Women trying to conceive use it to make the cervical mucus more conducive to pregnancy.

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  • Posted

    Hi mee

    I have always struggled with hormonal issues so libido has usually suffered at points, plus life got in the way. I was seriously ill in 2013 with colitis and thyroid disease and ended up with a permanent ileostomy at 37....not conducive to feeling like a vixen in the bedroom I can tell you. With all of the surgeries I had, my sex life was completely shot in the shins and my long suffering husband and I tried a few times. And it ended up awkward and painful and this was before early menopause. So I started bhrt last March, waiting for an improvement but it wasn't until October last year that something kicked in and we had sex. It was like everything came back with a whoosh, my hubby didn't know what had hit him, he went from nothing to me ready to pounce at all hours......was a bit much!! Now it's settled down again and though its been a few weeks, it's at least 3 times a week and it's better than it was. So it seems like it varies really, the desire comes and goes. Sometimes I think you have to gear up for it and hope the desire follows and for me it always does. It may not be as it was but you may have to make more effort than before. As for how my hubby felt, probably the same as me... Like there was a giant ocean between us. We missed the physical closeness that we had, but I know that am incredibly lucky. He's not always able to understand what I'm going through but he is my constant and he's always said he'd stick no matter what. The only treatment I've had mee is the bhrt and testosterone plays a large part in that. I use a small amount of trostan gel each day. It's not magic, and so when needed I use Yes OG plant based lubricant which definitely helps.

    Xxxx

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