Life and Me.

I read on how some people are sad, depressed...how do you get over what I am about to post here...and NO, I did NOT exaggerate one TINY BIT.

Let me get this out of the way and there is NO nice way to say this, not just because I do not like, nor love my Mother...it is what it really is...she was a smoking, drunk, whore...like I said, there is NO nice way to say this....she ran around with any man that caught her eye, married or not, neighbor, co worker...it did not matter. My Mother had 2 sons, oldest moved out of the house, 20 yrs difference between he and I, my other brother 10 yrs. I was dropped off in an orphanage when I was 3...the state took me and my brother away from my real father, he ended up having shock treatments, he was having a nervous break down for how my mother was. While I moved foster home to foster home, I was told WE are your real family now, until something did not work out, I once again, dropped off in another foster home. My Mother decided to get me back, being while I was in fosters homes, to remarry and have 2 more kids, she wanted to get me back to be a babysitter for this step sis and brother....I was literally used as a punching bag for my mother, ended up in the hospital, she beat me so badly, I am 69 next week, my back is shot. As for her NEW husband he molested me..he told me he did this to pay my mother back for her sleeping with every many she ran across...she KNEW this molestation was going on, did nothing about it....she did not care about me, so long as SHE could have sex anywhere she wanted, this husband kept his hands off of her. While living in a foster home, my dad had shock treatments in Napa, when he got out, he came to visit me and my brother in this foster home, before he could take us, he had to get permission to spend the day with us, this day she was gone...so, he drove away...I ran to the back yard, stood on the fence to wave to him, as he drove off, I really did NOT know him, but he was my Dad....he TRIED driving his car, while I watched him drive away in front of a moving train, the front tires got stuck, the train barely missed him, he was put back in the hospital, the car he tried this with was in our front yard, my brother opened the trunk to see what was in it, pictures of him with us, a few dollars, his golf clubs, odds and ends of items along with a note, stating the reason he killed me and my brother. Found out later, he was going to drive off of the ship yard into the water in Pittsburg Ca. drowning us. My mother then went through the courts to take me back....that was one HUGE mistake...the molesting lasted for 3 years....my beatings lasted for 3 years, it got to the point, I told my step father, IF YOU EVER touch my sister like this, I will KILL you, I was 12 at this time, the molestation stated at 10.....My mother NEVER touched/beat my sister and brother...I also told her if you ever beat either one of them, I will KILL YOU also.! Now, this brother I had with me in this foster home, knew my family, I knew NONE of them, he knew my uncle had a will over over 600,000 dollars, this uncle was dying in the hospital when he and his girlfriend altered the will, of course getting every dime of this money, of course he does not speak to me. As for my sister and brother, both are to embarrassed to look me in the face for what THEIR father did to me...I am broke, can't work, no money...no family, friends are gone....I am lost, depressed, been to counseling, therapy, a psychiatrist...of course none of them helped me...been to a few, all they see me as is MONEY.....Life has NOT been worth it to me, I guess you can see why if you read through this....sooooo much more inbetween what I can post here....anyone have any ideas on what I can do.....I have worked DILIGENTLY at trying to stop thinking about all of this, I cannot!!!

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