LIfe No Longer Worth Living

Posted , 6 users are following.

I may shuffle off this world soon enough.  But this year has been, by far, the worst of my life.  I am not seeing a doctor because I know why I'm this depressed.  I'm not experiencing depression for unknown reasons.  First my Father, who was very dear to me, was diagnosed with bone cancer, had surgery, then had a severe stroke after surgery causing him to languish for 3 months before passing away.  Watching him go through that has traumatized me deeply.  I live 2 hours away from my parents, so I had to effectively shut down my home business for 3 months to care for my Dad.  My Mom is alive but has her own health issues, so I was taking care of both of them.  Meanwhile, my husband's business started doing terribly.  Sales down sharply over the last 2 years.  Just 3 1/2 years ago we were on top of the world and purchased a beautiful old home (or dream home) and had put a lot in savings in the bank for the upkeep.  But we were lied to by the previous owners and their agent and we discovered the previous owners painted over LOTS of rotten wood to make it look new.  They painted an old hot water heater and the central heat/air unit to make it look new.  All of these things, and many more issues they hid from us. Repairing these issues depleted our savings within 2 years.  Yes, we did hire an inspector  when we bought the house but they somehow MISSED all of this.  It's a small town and we're pretty sure he knew the previous homeowners and lied on his report.  We have no proof of this, but we can't imagine how he could have missed SO much disrepair (that was purpsefully hidden).  I live in the U.S. and because of falling sales, we had to drop our health insurance.  Several months ago, I noticed a lump in the same area where I had cancer when I was 16.  Luckily, the doctor that treated me then is still in practice.  He can't 100% confirm cancer without the tests (which we can't afford) but he is fairly certain the cancer has come back.  And I can't get treatment for it.  Then today we find out we have no choice but to file bankruptcy and will be unable to keep our home.  My body is falling apart, my life is falling apart, my kids are grown and I know they would miss me but I can't take any of this anymore.  I don't see the point in it.  Now my husband and I must try and find jobs but we are older now and have been out of the job market for years.  Finding a decent job is going to be all but impossible.  I have a good life insurance policy and am worth more dead than alive.  Just can't do this anymore.  I don't expect anyone here to help me or feel sorry for me but I do appreciate you listening to (or reading) my whining.  Just had to get it out. Write it down.  Maybe then some strength will come from somewhere to help me deal with all of this. But the hopelessness is crushing.  It's easier to type this here than talk to my friends who really don't want to hear about it.  Thank you for your time.  

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  • Posted

    I don't think your whining. I'm in the U.S. and in almost the exact same boat...failing health, failing health insurance, failing marriage, cared for both parents, can't get work due to health, husbands job is declining as is his health....heck, I don't know what isn't declining!! But, we just put one foot in front of the other in hopes tomorrow will be a better day with the wheel in God's hands...thinking about you....someone cares...????????????

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  • Posted

    Hi Lisitab - I'm so sorry to read of all you have been through. I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you - and I don't think you are whining. Your story demonstrates how quickly we can go from on top of the world to the bottokm of the gutter in such a short time. Everything seems stacked against you. Just a thought - could you cash in your insurance? Would it be enough to repair the house and then put it on the market? What about crowd-funding via the internet to raise funds to repair the house to make it marketable? I just throwing out suggestions because I thinkm to suicide woyuld be a terrible shame and your kids will wonder life-long whether they could have done something to prevent it. Does the insurance pay out on suicide?

    Since your freinds don't want to hear about it, could you find a group to join who can support you? Also, have you consulted your doctor about the way you are feeling? Medications are not the permanent fix, but they can help you in the short term. Also, the doctor might be able to refer you to a help group, I wish I had a definitive answer for you, but as Cindeslot has just said, it is a matter of putting one foot infront of the other and plod along until you can see over the hill. We are al;ways here to talk to. 

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  • Posted

    Hi, lisitab:  I am so sorry for all the problems that you have faced in the past and are facing now, but you have to know that suicide is NOT the answer.  It is a permanent solution to a temperory problem.

    I live in the USA, too, and I have had two terrible marriages, almost went bankrupt, found the most wonderful man in the world, only to have him commit suicide while I was in the house with him right before our wedding, and now I am coming out of a 16 yr. relationship with a man that I adored, but he ran off and married a rich woman so he could live the good life.

    One morning it was dark and quite, and I told God...I can't handle this anymore..I would be better off dead.  I am 68 yrs. old...My daughters are grown and have their own lives, and I have sciolosis, spinal stenosis, osterarthritis and can not do a thing without horrible pain.  I asked from help from God, and the next morning, my pain was still there, but I had a new outlook on life.  I do suffer from clinical depression and panic disorder, but I realized the absolutely NOTHING is worth taking your own life.  I'm still not over my fiance's suicide and you don't want to leave that scar on your family and friends.  Things will get better, I promise, if you just have faith and turn it over to the Lord.

    I'm not a big church person, but I do pray.  My prayers were for a new President, too, that would help the economy and give better insurance, and that came true, too...PLEASE message me before you do anything, sweetie...live your life until God calls you home.  There is nothing that can't be fixed...Also, check with lawyers about your business and home, and see a doctor...they have to treat you in an ER, even if you can't affor it...You can't afford not to...I care, and I'm your angel for today.....HUGS.

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  • Posted

    You are welcome to my time, I only wish I could give you more than that.

    I will keep you in my thoughts, my heart goes out to you.

    Pat xxx

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  • Posted

    My heart goes out to you first you thought you had the dream home only to find it come crashing down around you if you say the inspector is local knew the people who originally owned your home then he is liable.  I sincerely hope the two of you find work of some kind being unemployed and going through what you have been through should have made you stronger I am the same still going motions wondering where she is getting off and leaving me mine was anxiety at first treated by CBT then moving on to PTSD one that I don't fancy  going back 63 years suicide has crossed my mind but then why take a short cut for a long and permanent solution I scincerely hope you find the right way around things I know it is not very easy but it is out there.

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  • Posted

    You're not whining! I've gone through almost the same thing!!! We are always here and someone cares even if you don't know them. Just one foot in front of the other and try alternative or crowd funding such as GoFundMe!!! Also, go to the ER and refuse to be turned away! It's worth a try. I got my MRI that way.....I've paid it off since then, but it was the only way I could afford it! Blessings and prayers your way. Stay tough. Your children would miss you!!!

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