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I may shuffle off this world soon enough. But this year has been, by far, the worst of my life. I am not seeing a doctor because I know why I'm this depressed. I'm not experiencing depression for unknown reasons. First my Father, who was very dear to me, was diagnosed with bone cancer, had surgery, then had a severe stroke after surgery causing him to languish for 3 months before passing away. Watching him go through that has traumatized me deeply. I live 2 hours away from my parents, so I had to effectively shut down my home business for 3 months to care for my Dad. My Mom is alive but has her own health issues, so I was taking care of both of them. Meanwhile, my husband's business started doing terribly. Sales down sharply over the last 2 years. Just 3 1/2 years ago we were on top of the world and purchased a beautiful old home (or dream home) and had put a lot in savings in the bank for the upkeep. But we were lied to by the previous owners and their agent and we discovered the previous owners painted over LOTS of rotten wood to make it look new. They painted an old hot water heater and the central heat/air unit to make it look new. All of these things, and many more issues they hid from us. Repairing these issues depleted our savings within 2 years. Yes, we did hire an inspector when we bought the house but they somehow MISSED all of this. It's a small town and we're pretty sure he knew the previous homeowners and lied on his report. We have no proof of this, but we can't imagine how he could have missed SO much disrepair (that was purpsefully hidden). I live in the U.S. and because of falling sales, we had to drop our health insurance. Several months ago, I noticed a lump in the same area where I had cancer when I was 16. Luckily, the doctor that treated me then is still in practice. He can't 100% confirm cancer without the tests (which we can't afford) but he is fairly certain the cancer has come back. And I can't get treatment for it. Then today we find out we have no choice but to file bankruptcy and will be unable to keep our home. My body is falling apart, my life is falling apart, my kids are grown and I know they would miss me but I can't take any of this anymore. I don't see the point in it. Now my husband and I must try and find jobs but we are older now and have been out of the job market for years. Finding a decent job is going to be all but impossible. I have a good life insurance policy and am worth more dead than alive. Just can't do this anymore. I don't expect anyone here to help me or feel sorry for me but I do appreciate you listening to (or reading) my whining. Just had to get it out. Write it down. Maybe then some strength will come from somewhere to help me deal with all of this. But the hopelessness is crushing. It's easier to type this here than talk to my friends who really don't want to hear about it. Thank you for your time.
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