Life should be great but why do i keep falling into despair?

Posted , 6 users are following.

Life should be great for me. Im a 30 yr old male. Im not bad looking. I have a decent and rewarding but extremely stressful job. I have a loving family. I have great friends. I am trim and look after myself. I have invested in the property market and am doing well for myself financially. I even ride around in a classic car.

This is really hard to explain but i will try in the hope that someone can offer some support/guidance. I seem to have everything going for me, a lot of the time i am happy enough. For several month periods, maybe 2-3 per year, i fall into deep despair. I have such a low mood. Even the basics in life become verydifficult. I have done the online tests and it suggests that i have severe depression. I cannot talk to family/friends. I will not see a Doctor. sometimes i feel so alone, its a real struggle. I get anxious about the future. I cant seem to meet a woman. I cant settle. I am a workaholic and this keeps me sane, but im exhausted. I feel like i will 'lose it' at times, ie control of everything. I am hoping someone can help me with this. I feel so low at present.


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  • Posted

    The secret may well lie with your work ethic.

    In my younger years (30's) I worked for myself and would put in 7 days a with very long hours.

    The problem was that the harder I worked the more challenges I created, and in the end instead of being a well-rounded person I was a bit of a wreck - both physically and emotionally.

    As the psycholical symptoms usually showed themselves-up in the winter months I simply put it down to Seasonal affective disorder, but experience showed my that this maybe only a small part of the problem.

    Like you I steadfastly refused to visit my doctor, and in the end suffered a heart attack and ended-up in an intensive care ward where I had lots of time to reflect.

    Looking back I really don't know what was worse, the effect the whole period had on my body, or the despair/ anxiety that seemed to follow me round everywhere even after getting out of hospital.

    I ultimately summoned-up the courage to visit my doctor who intially prescribed antidepressants and also referred me to counselling.

    I must say that the treatment I received certainly did help me to get things into perspective, and I have been fine now for the past 35 years.

    So what can I say to you? Well I suppost the most important thing is probably that matters involving depression seldom go away on their own, so if your plan is to ride it out yourself I feel that you are in for a long hard journey.

    Doctors are paid to help us, so if we do not take advantage of what they offer it is our problem, which might well produce significant penalties for us later.

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  • Posted

    Hi James, I can totally identify with how you feel.  I spent 2 yrs being extremely busy and stressed through work and studies and ground to a halt in January. 

    I have been diagnosed with depression and exhaustion.  I am slowly getting better and now know i have to look after myself.  

    My advice to you is to sit back and take a look at your life.  What do you do for yourself outside of work?

    my reply to that was nothing - I was too exhausted to do anything.

    please take on board that depression is an illness just like flu or diabetes.  They need treatment so what's the difference with depression which also needs treatment?  The good news is that you will get through this with help and support.  Counselling and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) are helpful too.  there are self help books available online. 

    Do you have a good friend you could confide in?  Could you take time off work to have a holiday or recharge your batteries.   You sound quite anxious James.  

    Try to relax - listen to music, have a relaxing bath, be kind to yourself an rest. 

    Please keep in touch and take care of yourself, x

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  • Posted

    why don't you try to have some vacation instead? go to the beautiful place and find some peace there. It can help you to escape from the problem that you feel right now. smile
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  • Posted

    I am agree with "cherrmcdowell". You have to go for vacation.You will feel better.
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  • Posted

    -if you are mot connected to God you will never have true peace. Allah is My Lord and without Him Im nothing.
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  • Posted

    Hi James,

    Sorry for your suffering.  I just came across your post and am hoping that you feel better by now.  

    The first thing I noticed about your post is the use of the word "should".  It is a demand word and using it sets you up for failure.  In context, it is like saying to yourself that every street light should turn green when you are driving.  It is not going to happen.  Putting this kind of pressure on yourself is stressful.  

    I also noticed that you said that you "will not" see a doctor, when in truth, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.  Seeing a doctor would open up your world by allowing yourself to learn more about yourself and your condition.  It would allow you to gain management over your bouts of despair.  Sometimes we suffer like this because it is an organic problem in the brain.  Sometimes it is situational, sometimes it is due to prolonged stress.  You will not know until you go find out.  

    This is one time where allowing ego, pride and stubborness to rule will only cause you deep, deep, gut wrenching, crippling despair two to three times a year.  

    Wishing you well,

    Dawn, USA

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