life sux

Hi Murray

so sorry to hear you are feeling so low. How long have you been taking mirtazipine for? Is this your first antidepressant or have you tried others? Sometimes with this illness, it has a way of tricking us eg. We start see the light at the end of the tunnel, only to find the tunnel collapses and it's all dark again.

You are (it's a fact) going to see that light again, this time it will be bigger and brighter, god willing will last indefinitely.

You mentioned you have done some things in the past that your not proud of. Nothing can be so bad that it would have a disasterous impact on your whole life. People make mistakes, sometimes huge, gigantic ones, but they move on from that. Not only do people move on, they learn from that mistake/incident and encourage others not to make the same mistakes. In addition this gives you an opportunity to forgive yourself and to prove to yourself that you are a different person now.....and the only way for you now is UP. I'm sorry to hear about your job loss and the separation from your family. I honestly know first hand what this can feel like. Your life is meaniful and please do not think it's not worth hanging on for. You need to cut yourself some slack, by that I mean, don't keep punishing yourself for past mistakes. Learn to like yourself more. Who know what wonderful things could be around the corner for you! If you feel you have wronged someone, it's never too late to apologise, then you can put whatever mistakes you've made in the past to bed.

This time of year can make us all reflect eg. What we have, what we have lost, what could we have done better, and so on.

try and think back to happier times, you would have been a contributor to those times. You have the power within you to do bit again.

find your inner strength. ..you have it, don't leave it on the back burner!

Wishing you peace of mind and spirit.

god bless

Lorraine xxxx

I think you need help if you are wanting to hurt yourself. Its a selfish thing to kill yourself and leave tour kids knowing you committed suicide. Think if one of your kids did that. Yes its hard, yes christmas is really hard for me because im all alone. I know there is a god that will take care of me. You need to say, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THRU CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.

Hi Murray,

You are right - for many of us Christmas reminds us of what we used to have and have lost. We miss the people who are no longer with us for one reason or another. We often want to turn back the hands of time, but unfortunately there is no way to do that. Instead, we have to keep positive and cherish good memories and try to make new ones. How old are your children? I'm not a parent but I think your children would miss you very much if they couldn't see you any more and I bet you want to see them grow up and be proud of them. In life we do make mistakes (I know I have plenty of regrets and would make different decisions if I had the chance) but each new day holds the possibility for a fresh start. I lost my job through my depression and sometimes the future looks quite bleak. But I am taking one day at a time and focussing on being positive and getting my head back in the right place (so to speak). I still have those days when I want to bury my head under the covers. Most days I try to motivate myself to get something done, however small. I try to keep to a routine that gives my day structure and purpose and I've stopped beating myself up if I need to take a pause. I don't listen to people who try to be helpful but put too much pressure on me to meet their agenda, if it's not helpful to my overall recovery. Many of us are on that path in the dark forest trying to find our way out. You are definitely not alone on your journey. Don't give up - there is light through the darkness and there are good things ahead. The struggle can take all our energy and get very tedious but don't think of it as an insurmountable obstacle. Break things down into manageable stages and reward yourself whenever you make progress. Rest when you need to. You've experienced improvement in the past and you can reach that upward part of the journey again. Needing a pause does not mean you have failed or are back to square one. How long have you been on your meds? I remember Mirtazapine knocking me out (when I had trouble sleeping) and increasing my appetite.

Don't give up, my friend. I hope you are doing something to keep yourself distracted today. Don't focus upon what you don't have - think about the things that you do have. Let us know how you are feeling when the Christmas hype has died down ;-)

All the best, Digsby.

I agree with everyone on here. Each and every one of us on this planet has messed up in some way or other. The trick is to be conscious of it, like you are, and then to set a life purpose of striving to do only good. Very slowly it will become so sweet and satisfying that you will want to do more and more. Start off real small eg. give smiles with caution of course (also found to improve your mood!), letting someone go in front of you at the queue, finding time to listen to someone. You may already be doing these things, but the point is to focus only on doing good. If you backslide, you backslide. You are only human. But we are given this highest earthly form to do only good in whatever way we can. No matter what happens on our outside (rejection, loss, etc.), you will be living from your inside out and will always have the best advantage and fulfilment. One can be a gazillionaire but, without the zeal to do only good, it is personally meaningless. It seems you do have this desire so just act on it and believe me it will take you places. Good luck my friend.