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Living a normal life

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Lewisw22
Lewisw22

Hi my name is Lewis, I have bipolar 2 and have done for 3 years just over although I have only been diagnosed for around a year and a half. During that time I must say.. It is and has been the most challenging part of my life to date and honestly feel ill never face something so difficult to over come. I'm wondering if there are some people reading this thinking " actually there will be harder things in life to over come. Everyone including myself would actually say yes there is. For me though bipolar seems to affect everything! So it won't be the other taxing and hard things that we have to try and over come in life, it will be trying to deal with how my bipolar reacts during these events.

Recently and in the past things have been absolutely terrible, from the exterior things seem pretty OK but inside I'm breaking and not sure how to fix myself.

In the past iv come very close to ending it because my brain and body just couldn't handle what was going on. Terrible feelings of guilt extreme anxiety, abnormal mood swings, intrusive thoughts, insomnia because of the anxiety, suicidal thoughts so on and so on. I have a family and them being my soul purpose in life which has also been pushed to the breaking point because of my severe mood swings,

I'm currently on mirtazipine and quitiapine which seems to keep me Farley stable but I constantly struggle as stress is my trigger and I'm a self employed business owner, I'm currently struggling to perform my duties at work and I feel I just can't manage tge stress of it all! Not only that my job is physically very demanding and I feel I cant manage both, I'd rather have one or the other.

Sorry if my post doesn't make much sense, it's my first time publicly talking about this. Well in a forum as have spoken with family. As much as they are highly supportive, they just don't get it.

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • wendy85295
    wendy85295 Lewisw22

    Posted

    Hi Lewis, first of all, I am sorry that you are feeling as bad as you do at the moment, and secondly well done for sharing your troubles - I hope I can alleviate some of your worries.

    With bipolar it is par for the course for your illness to be triggered by stress - small amounts of stress are deemed good for us but being "stressed out" is just the opposite, as you are experiencing.  Is there anyone you can delegate to in your business?  If not could you find someone who could help out?  Getting rid of stressors should help your mood immensely.

    Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about any changes to your medication which may improve your current situation?  Above all, please don't feel guilty - you can't help having this illness - it is thought to be hereditary.

    And if your psychiatrist won't give you any medication then ask for a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) to be your care co-ordinator - they visit you at home and help you get through crises and help you to stay well by putting you in touch with agencies that specialise in mental wellbeing.

    There's a lot of help out there if you know who to ask - and you are not alone - ever - no need to feel so low....I do hope what I have written to you makes sense and helps you.

    Best wishes and regards

    Wendy

     

  • BadNewsBrain
    BadNewsBrain Lewisw22

    Posted

    Hi Lewis. I've been where you are, and I would not expect much help from our failing NHS other than meds and more meds. Psychiatric intervention is usually limited to a session or two for diagnosis, so they know what meds to give you. You need to start thinking about how you can help yourself, and also work out who around you that you can trust to help you when things get really bad - it won't be more than one or two people, thats what most of us find. You have to get on top of the stress, and if the meds aren't doing that for you, you need to consider self-help techniques like meditation. good luck
  • elizabethcarol
    elizabethcarol Lewisw22

    Posted

    I'm thinking thank goodnews you posted here. Our illnesses are isolating. I don't think there is a "cure," a getting over this illness, or maybe that will happen. But living with BP2 and other similar conditions, coping, and have successes in life is very dependent upon the best medication match and learning skills that "normal" people can get by without learning. A lot of self-management skills to not sink, sink, sink. Knowing who you can talk to who will help you stabilize.

    I fought this diagnosis off and on for about 5 years, occasionally now--25 years later--have days when I beat myself and think it is a character flaw and not what we know now--a brain disorder, a cheminal imbalance.

    I so appreciate that you wrote. It is healing for me, I bet for a lot of us, to respond.

    Elizabeth

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