Living with a binge drinker
Posted , 9 users are following.
I have been with my partner for 8 years. To say that his drinking has caused drama in our relationship is an understatement. I knew he was a 'bit of a lad' when I met him. We were in our early 20's and going for a drink on the weekend seems the norm. It was after roughly 6 months of being together I realised that his drinking was an issue. To cut a long story short his drinking has led to numerous arrest, court appearances, driving bans and part of his family disowning him. We both have good jobs and a beautiful home together but it all comes second to his beloved booze. He is currently on day 6 of what I call "a binge session" he's not eaten for 4 of those days. I am currently away from home house sitting (something I couldn't get out of) and to say my anxiety is through the roof is again an understatement. It's now got to the point where he cannot even put his own key in the front door to let himself in. I am on my last nerve and his actions are affecting my health and mental state. I love the bones of the man...when he is sober which My I add is most of the time however these week long binge sessions which come around roughly every 2 months are making my life a misery. Just wondering if anyone else is dealing with a similar situation?
1 like, 7 replies
RHGB rita03510
Posted
To help answer better, could you describe his drinking better. Before you start, remember that we don't know him at all, we've never seen his drinking patterns, we are relying soley onwhat you tell us.
So what you have effectively told us, is that he doesn't drink every day or even regularly, but goes on a real binge session every now and then, for a few days. I'm sure that is not the case, but we can only go on what you tell us. So, pretend you have sat down on a bench in the park and you are talking to a stranger.
That said, not eating is not good, for many reasons which I will explain in my next post. But is quite normal for heavy regular drinkers. Alcohol is all carbohydrates, they are the easiest calories for the body to digest and the ones that it will go for first. Because the body is getting calories from alcohol, it thinks it does not need food.
JulieAnne101 rita03510
Posted
Hi rita
Very sorry to hear of your partners AUD Alcohol Use Disorder. I can relate to your situation, my Husband has been a binge drinker for years too.
You say 'his beloved booze' what does he actually think about alcohol? For a long time I misunderstood my Husbands relationship with alcohol, I always felt second best to the bottle.
As RHGB has said what are his drinking patterns?
Kindest Regards
JulieAnne
Robin2015 rita03510
Posted
vickylou rita03510
Posted
Will respond if more info is given
mary8693 rita03510
Posted
I think you said enough and brave of you to share.
In my opinion is talking it through with your partner when he is sober
over a cup of tea. Then you can decide together what is the best action to take.
Writing down and monitoring the situation might also help.
kira50423 mary8693
Posted
I completely relate to this. My partner is exactly the same...its beyond frustrating how they are such incredible humans and partners but can cause such distruction through their level of consumption. I have tried so hard to support my partner (who is 35 and i am 26) through his drinking...i got him a therapist which didnt last long...he says he will go to aa but doesnt...he admits he has an issue then around the drinking times makes excuses and deflects onto me as if i have the issue. He is in denial but will admit it from time to time....i feel so frustrated that he would throw us away for drinking...it kills me...because like you we have so much love and a house. He will relapse and hide it from me...its gotten better over the last year but now there is such distrust. One day after a night of drinking and a huge argument i asked why he does it and ge told me it started as a teenager and past truma...i truley think men dont identity and seek help as women do...which is unfairly put on them because we expect them to be strong. But it all comes out somehow. His drinking makes him so insecure and needy....when ge is drunk he looks and talks differentially...he says and does things he wouldn't sober...ge embaresses me and we fight...publicly and at home...its not good for my mental health...the fighting has become physical...which was introducted by me out of frustration and no rational communication.... i accept how wrong it is to push and hit...but its starting to be reciprocated...and as much as i love this man i love myself more. I believe you can have live without this pain....i couldn't bring kids into this....
The only thing i can think of doing other then leaving is couples counseling with addiction therapist.....i have loved and supported his man through so much...its hard to let go.
RHGB kira50423
Posted
The long term drinking will have changed his brain and for most, medication to reset it, is the most effective solution.
"i truley think men dont identity and seek help as women do"
No we don't, and that is what makes us special and different. You wouldn't like us if we were the same as women.
"we fight...publicly and at home...its not good for my mental health...the fighting has become physical...which was introducted by me out of frustration and no rational communication.... i accept how wrong it is to push and hit...but its starting to be reciprocated"
So, you started it and now you are complaining that he is defending himself? Is he supposed to sit in the corner whilst you give him a kicking? Most blokes would probably shove a female away, to try to avoid the physical confrontation. My advice is not to hit people, and then they're unlikely to hit you. You cannot expect to attack people and them not to defend themselves.
Medication is far better than counselling in my experience. Look at the sticky post on TSM.