Living with a depressed spouse

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I have been with my wife for 15 years and married for 5. She had her first bout of sever depression 10 years ago triggered by post natal and family trouble. After a year or so she recovered. Second child 5 years ago was great and she really settled in to it. Then after our 3rd child we had a lot of things go wrong in the first few weeks and we both found it hard. Then serious family stuff on her side arouse and sent from a functional depression to an unfuntioning sever depression. I have a full time job and with that, 3 kids and her depression it has been the hardest year of my life. I stuck with it and now after a year and a half she is showing signs of recovery but is still very changeable,moody and never seems to smile and laugh. But she is functional again so after 6 months of feeling like I done everything from looking after the kids, looking after her and going to work I feel some relief.

ok that's the background. Now I am looking for advice on how others have copped when their loved was depressed. Did you cope at all. What affect did it have. The problem I have is that I know it was not her fault but I hold resent for the fact I feel like I gave everything I had to keep the family going to the point it made me I'll with exhaustion. I don't know if I love her anymore but I can't tell if that's the anger from all that's happened.  I feel I never got appreciation for sticking it all out when a lot of guys would have walked (in my opinion). I never and still don't blame her but I also have trouble reconciling the negative emotion left from the hardship I had over those months. Anyone else been in this situation. How did you get on. Any tips.

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  • Posted

    I should add that my wife is a good person and try's do the right thing but her depression, anger and mood swings get in the way. If she wasn't a decent person I would have walked. She also has a very low tolerance to life little knocks and also can over react. She is a good mum but since the depression struck she finds it hard to express love to me and the kids. She does have days were she is almost back to normal but they never last. Which is gutting.
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  • Posted

    Hi Tony, I am so very sorry to hear about your lovely wife's problem with depression... it truly is horrible for not only the sufferer but all of those who love them... you must be exhausted, are you getting any help? Also is your wife getting ENOUGH help and support... there is no easy answer, I had problems for many years, ( I am well now ) and I put my family through the most awful times.. I must have aged my husband twenty years...

    You need some support for yourself, have a word with your GP.. you need to talk to and open up to others in the same situation, who totally understand... I do so hope that things will improve for you, but please, please get help for you, you deserve it to... TAKE CARE, sincere regards to you, Deirdre xx

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  • Posted

    You still love her deep down and you are her husband so yeah you should be there through her rough times so im glad you have been very supportive.

    Dont forget her fustration and mood swings could have come from her depression, meds or even responsibility to be a house wife she may just be overwhelmed that she has to deal with raising the family.

    Anyway you seem like a caring and genuine guy so please keep sticking by her.

    Once she fully recoverys you can work out the other issues

    Good luck

    Stay strong for your family

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