living with a partner with aspergers syndrome

my partner went to doc and was told he didnt need diagnosis.  fter a couple of weeks and a very difficult morning i rang the doc in tears nd he is going to refer him to some clinic. not sure what this is but we will see. and he gave me antidepressants! 

I posted  a while ago about NHS and a referal to relate. this may not help much.it is 5 months waiting for an appointment and then we get just six sessions. i cant help thinking that unless the coucellor is a expert in aspergers it will take that long to scratch the surface.

we are rubbing along in a way but i anstill very reticent about continuing the relationship.

Hi. I can see your point and think you are right. People who do not know much about aspergers will usually say some stupid thing such as "tell your partner to be different" and ignoring that they are different BECAUSE of their condition. And not see what differences the condition causes.

But as you know the nhs is worried about money and it is very expensive for them to refer you to anyone at all.

Hence it takes ages and might be lacking. Which is why so many people go privately, it quicker and guaranteed to give the results they want.

dont know if you saw other  post butafter crying at the doc on phone he has referred gary to a nurse led clinic, whatever that is.  we can  only wait and see.meanwhile i go slightly mad!

No idea what a nurse led clinic is but maybe once again you have this problem of how the nurse does not understand aspergers. Not many do.

My best friend - who has aspergers - has never been OFFICIALLY diagnosed with me and she would not see herself she has it. But it is clear to me and others around her she does. And she used to be a nurse and is very well read and educated.

Nurses usually deal with things that are physical don;t they.

The doctor ought to see that you need help too, not just Gary.

A Nurse led Clinic means there are NO Doctors  just a Senior Nurse who will see the Client(Patient) and some nurses can prescribe and advise on care and treatment.. Nurse /Practitioner.

Hi Sarah. your partner sounds a bit aspie to me. And if she is the best way i have found to do with explaining feeling to my partner is to sit him down and tell him how i feel. we both know he wont get it to start with and we agree that the one thing he wont do is tell me i have got it wrong.  these are my feelings so i get to say. the assumption we have made is that he really doesn't want to upset me so he will listen and learn even if he cant quite get the problem.  It is tough and it  has taken a while.  also if your partner is aspie this may also come with a poor memory so dont be surprised if in a few weeks or months you refer to your chat she has forgotten much of it and you have to start again.. 

that said be sure that you love this lady because it will be hard work. And it will be you that does it all.

it may never quite be resolved, and although I hate to be negative i havenever been quite sure it was worth it.  we have been together for 15 years and i am 63 and have chosen to stay.  but if i were young i would give an aspie life a very wie berth indeed.

Hi Redlondoner

Thanks for your reply. Ive probably forgotten half the things that make me think she is Aspie. Intimacy isnt something she 'gets' She will hold hands while watching tv but never any spantaneous acts. I may try talking to her although she has withdrawn into herself at the moment and obviously not living together now. I had though of an intermediary but ill see. We try to talk but its almost like she is bamboozled (if thats a word) by verbal chat\reasoning and gets from what I can see, really frustrated and then angry but accuses me of having a go at her when Im actually trying to talk. Her life is all about rules and patterns. Im laid back and do love her to bits but i feel this needs resolving as I cant keep taking the flack for her not getting things\how I feel. Exhausting isnt it?

I have a feeling she knows something is up, hence her friends calling her abit special and admitting shes always felt different. Something that does cause her upset so she doesnt mention it much.

Anyway thank you so much for your reply. Ill have to have a think about how to address it. Distance and a chat in a little while perhaps.

Thanks again.

Hi sarah. something i rememberedfrom councelling . It was try to identify the thing that are missing in the relationship for you and see if your needs can be met elsewhere. for eample my partner does not talk a;ot and i love to discuss things  I an lucky tht i have friends who understand and i spend time each week with them and we just talk;  this is not about having a love affair although it is tempting.  its about getting your needs met.

Hi RedLondoner

Thankyou, thats very true. My partner doesnt talk alot especially about her feelings. Since weve been seperated and Ive tried to chat to her, even her friend

Let me try that again. As I was saying, her friends have said to me that she doesnt talk about her feelings so they dont know where she is regards all this. I have been chatting to my friends (as the relationship is important to me be it as friends or more)and some agree with the Aspie thing and others think she is just passive aggressive. I like to chat and do have friends that I discuss everything with which may be a way forward. Thanks for your advice. Gratefully appreciated:-)