living with BPD

Posted , 3 users are following.

I'm really struggling to cope at the moment. I have been involved in a 'destructive' relationship for the past12 years and finally, last week finished it.I could feel myself gradually getting more unwell. I am now asking myself what the hell have I done? My emotions are more fragile than ever, and I feel totally lost and alone. I have felt suicidal as I feel incapable of a normal life, let alone a relationship. My life is just passing me by and I don't know how to handle yhe the rollercoaster of emotions. I'm taking diazepam for the anxiety, which doesn't seem to be helping. Does anyone know how I can try and get some control?

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  • Posted

    you have just come out of a long relationship and are bound to feel vulnerable.  So take it easy do just what you want to do and enjoy life.  Life is for living so why not have a hobby or interest to pass the time until you meet your next partner.  Maybe a change of dosage is needed if you feel the need  for it.

    Richard

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    • Posted

      Thanks Richard. Genuinely appreciate your comments. I honestly don't think there will be anyone else. Somehow I pick and attract unavailable men. I'm sure I'd get it wrong all over again. 

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  • Posted

    hana,

    So sorry your problem has messed up your life.  Completely understand how your difficulties have done what they have done to you.  You stated you were in a destructive relationship for 12 years and you recently finished it.

    My question to you is why did you stay in such a relationship for 12 years?  And, why after finishing the relationship, are you now wondering why you made the decision to finish that relationship?

    Of course when anyone makes that kind of decisions, they attempt to second guess why they did what they did.  I do believe, however, you are losing sight of the reason why you terminated that relations - hence 12 years is a long time to throw away, but when you are in a relationship that is "destructive", one should get out of it, much sooner than 12 years.  If the relationship is not loving, caring, giving and taking, then I believe you made the right choice, for yourself.

    Parting in good terms is many times not the way things happen.  Take a long hard look at yourself, what you have been through, so that you can get the better, insightful picture as to why you terminated your relationship.

    If you have a therapist, I would bring this question up to them, so that they can assist you to come to accurate gripes that you did the right thing.  I only regret for you, you did not do the separation from this relationship much sooner.

    Wish you well in the future.

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    • Posted

      He was married and that's why it took me so long to realise that whatever he said, he would never be with me. I thought I could spoil him into realising how much I cared and loved him, and that would be enough for him to leave. Some time after the relationship began, he said he thought that his wife had had an affair. I didn't really reflect on that until recently. All the time I've been absorbed in trying to make him need me, to no avail. I know it's my own fault, but its made me so ill. The constant stress, the waiting, the hoping and now, nothing. I feel lost and empty and lonely and alone I know I've done the right thing, for my mental health but feel in a different way, just as awful. Please don't judge me as I know the relationship was wrong, but I really loved him and know a part of me always will. I just don't know how to move forward??
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