Living with in laws. Acute Anxiety

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I myself need help here. I have acute anxiety. I can't share with anyone. I tend to forget very little things and names of things eg. I couldn't even remember the name of garlic and various other things like that. What do I do? M married and living with in-laws which is the reason behind all this. I used to be a very cheerful girl before. M just 28. I just can't help it Please help.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Have you found anything whether it is food, activities etc.. which relieve your anxiety, or scenario where you are feeling less anxious?

    If so you need to up the dosage on these stres free activites, if possible maybe book yourself in for a massage, try to pamper yourself. 

     

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  • Posted

    Hello Robin smile

    I am just the same with anxiety. I forget names and places, my mind turns into a colinder. It worries my sometimes (so I am already anxious and then begin to grow anxious over my memory,) but I'm slowly learning that this is just another symptom of an overly active and anxious mind. You don't retain information - or find it hard to - because you are too busy focusing on something else, be it your anxiety as a whole and how it is making you feel at that moment (you are battling to hide it from others and cannot take in your scenery or even what people are saying.) or, like me you are worried about a particular thing and become focused on it to the point where everything else goes by almost ignored.

    This is normal.

    So, you are living with you in laws. I am assuming this is for a reason you cannot currently change and you do not say whether or not this is long term or short.

    Either way, that doesn't matter. Currently and for reasons only you know, you have to be here.

    Why do you feel the need to hide your anxiety from these people?

    The only thing I can assume is that the relationship is not good... Or perhaps it is simply that you do not want anyone to know.

    I learnt something recently. The harder you try to hide your anxiety, the more clumsy, 'ditsy', uncoordinated and nervous you become. People will pick up on this...this too is something I fear but in other social situations - so I do know how you feel.

    You feel like you need to prove you are both worthy and capable.

    Once you relax, the real you will come through. The more you hide it and focus on your anxiety, the worse the problem will become. Eventually it will become worse than your anxiety.

    You need to explore why it is so bad for these people (who are basically your family,) to know of your anxiety...

    If you feel safer to elaborate we can offer more advice for ways for you to over come the situation and your anxiety smile

    In the mean time... Breath. Find a place that you can be quiet in, be it the bath or simply going to bed early. Go for walks...visit friends... You need to establish a safe place for yourself and in bed it into your routine. That is all the advice I can really give to you for now xxx

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    • Posted

      Thanks a lot Sillimop. Its been three years and I have had an abortion for I will not be able to bear a child in my anxiety. I just don't feel them as my own. I could never ask for a single help from them not even a cup of coffee. Just couldn't. Recently I told it to my in-laws that I can't stay here as it's not my house. But they don't want to part from their elder son and feel as if I am stealing him from them as he being her favourite child. But after I shared my feeling my anxiety has elevated too. But my husband is looking for a house of our own now and m very afraid of the day we are gonna shift as i feel she will barge on me.

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    • Posted

      Robin, I'm so sorry hat your anxiety has effected you so and caused so much pain.

      I think it is terrible when a partners family has a negative impact on your relationship. I believe most people have children in order for them to go on and lead rich lives and meet someone whom they love... Some people as you say find it hard to let go.

      Three years is a long time and even in the best of relationships, living in another persons house for that long will always cause an element of stress. As you suffer from anxiety, I think as time goes on you will have to directly tackle the issue with your in laws. Both yourself and your partner will need to set boundaries with them to eliminate as much upset as possible. Once you have moved into your own home and given time, things will change dramatically.

      As I say, this is something that both you and your partner will need to work on together.

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  • Posted

    It can be a real problem, I lived at home until I was twenty eight and I would sleep in the garage on the back seat of the car sometimes just to get away from a testing environment.

    Living with inlaws must be a real problem and I can imagine you will be frightened to move or make a noise. 

    I eventually moved in with a girlfriend just to get out of the way of my Parents and siblings. Is there any way you could both move on into a Housing Association or the local Council housing, even if you were to get a bedsit or something. 

    Eventually we were only in the flat for about six or ten months and we managed to move accross to our own home. I do not know what to suggest I understand how nasty it can be especially if you are starting your married life.

    Keep a hold, good luck

    B.

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  • Posted

    You need to move. Period. You are your husband need to move,

    . Its a marriage wrecker for anyone unless you have super kind, very private in laws. This isnt healthy for anyones marriage. I get its probably necessary but unhealthy. Your anxiety is surfacing i doubt it from that but it sure is stirring the pot.

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  • Posted

    Thanks everyone. Your wishes gave me courage. We are now shifting on 15th. I waited two years for this. But as it is arriving, m worried about 'The Day'. And hope everything turns out better as I expected. My husband isn't happy about this decision too but says that I am doing this for just you.

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