Living with someone suffering from SAD

Posted , 6 users are following.

I don't suffer myself but my husband has been treated for the past few years for depression. It was only very recently that we realised this was probably SAD. He is fine during the summer and then as the season fades the tears, blind illogical panic, awful feeling of being a failure return. My husband is the last person you would imagine to suffer from depression of any kind. He is a builder, who works outside a lot, but it just goes to show, anyone can be afflicted by this. It is very difficult living with an undiagnosed sufferer. I just thought he was being mean and moody and frankly for a while was no help to him at all. He was constantly tired, yet slept a couple of hours a night and then paced the house from the early hours, only to sit half asleep during the afternoon and evening. I took his irritability personally and in fact began to think that maybe after 34 years of marriage it was time to go our separate ways. That was when he broke down completely and told me how scared he was, what a failure he thought he was, how he didn't feel able to cope with the smallest problem and we cried like babies for hours. Next day we went to our GP. Thank goodness we did. Our GP was brilliant. At first of course it was treated as usual depression, he was given drugs which after some considerable time did begin to help. By the summer he was back to his old self. But just as suddenly in that December back he went to dark place as he calls it. We worked through it as we had before, booked a holiday in Madiera in March, and came back from that with my happy husband again. We followed that with a stress free summer. We both thought he had beaten it, again...then. Just last week, he said he felt he was sliding back to the dark place. It was then that the SAD theory hit me. We spoke to our GP who checked his notes and agreed it was more than likely to be the cause. My husband's new light box arrived today and we are both looking forward to seeing if it will help. I must say just the knowledge that it's 'not all in his head' and he can't just 'pull himself together' helped. I would urge any suffers out there to speak to the people nearest to them. Make sure they know what you are going through. Let them help you. They may surprise you. My husband said he was frightened I would leave him if he told me how he felt, in fact not telling me almost caused that anyway. It was nice for me to know he did still love me and we worked through it. Yes it has been tough, but once you have support it's amazing how things change for the better. I don't know if this light therapy will work, I hope it will, but if it doesn't, we'll look for another solution. If it does, who knows we may do something we talked about for years and move to a sunnier place. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and if it's not this particular one, we'll find another! I wish all you sufferers out there the very best of luck with your treatments. Just remember, talk to your family and friends, they love you and they want to help.

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  • Posted

    Hi there i am touched by your story. I have been a sufferer of depression for as long as i can remember, the last year and a half i have managed to combat the depression and have come down from over 10 tablets a day to just one....The last 4 weeks or so have been strange because just all of a sudden i have went downhill real bad.. A few people have mentioned that it may be s.a.d so just today i went online to read up about it. There has been nothing major the last few month that has happened in my life to make me get these feelings and reading the sympoms on the net has got me thinking that it could infact be s.a.d. I have all the symptoms... I am tired all the time, but yet cant sleep very well. I am having panic attacks a lot, i want to cry for no apparent reason and ive also found myself just sitting around all the time being unable to get motivated. Im irratable all the time, the usual everyday things seemto be a major task. Ive lost interst in my hobbies and cant face friends or phonecalls...

    I have my dr on wednesday so i will see what she says...

    This is a great website & i have a feeling i will be a regular visitor...

    Thanks all for reading....

    Take Care [color=darkblue:6e86c1363d][/color:6e86c1363d]

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  • Posted

    Hi wow just reading your post well its just me,iv'e suffered with

    depression for so many years now i to have been on medication

    for many years but early this year my GP reduced my intake

    as i was picking up thank god.

    But just this last month i dont know what happened crying for

    no reason lack of sleep or over sleeping over eating even when

    i am not hungry very irratable at times no sex drive at all

    lack of energy its horrible i to am going to my GP this week

    and i hope he can help me.

    Thankyou for your input to this website as you say this is a great

    site i to will make regular visits.

    Good luck with your visit to your GP hope you to get the help you need.

    godbless take care. Eileen

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  • Posted

    Reading this is really helping me a lot. I've been Divorced for 4 years from a Man with severe depression, that he never 'wanted' to get treated. I finally had to take my kids out of that enviornment because after countless pleas, nothing was being done.

    So after having my guard up after 4 years I met a wonderful man in June. Everything I've been dreaming of in a healthy relationship. After being with someone for 12 years and not knowing from day to day was going to happen was beyond hard.

    Until October....then it began to change. He told me that this time every year he begins to feel \"Blue\" and he has no idea why. I thought, \"oh no here we go again\" and I didn't know what to think or say. So, I told him I was there for him and would help him in any way. A few more weeks went by and he was kind and sweet to me but I felt disconnected to him and there wasn't any sexual activity like the months before. There was nothing wrong with 'us' so I wasn't sure how to understand these feelings. It's hard not think it's you and he is not that into you anymore. I asked him and he said no, no, no I love you, I don't know why I feel this way.

    After are talk he relized he needed to figure out what was going on with him. He just recently started some antidepressions and SAD was being tossed around.

    I want to learn more about this. We have a great thing going between us and I don't want our relationship to end because of SAD. I want to learn what I should and shouldn't do. I told him I'm not going anywhere, but there is a side of me that feels like I'm going to scrafice my well being again like I did in my marriage for someone elses condition.

    If anyone who is living with someone who has this can help me get through this would be great. I have to admit I feel rejected and emotionally neglected. I understand what is going on, but I can't help the way I feel.

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  • Posted

    Hello redjax. It's been awhile since your post so I hope you reply. I really admire your love for your husband. I think it's so awesome that you have stuck with him through so much.

    My best friend has depression and it really is tough. But when you love someone it makes it all worth it. My boyfriend also has SAD. He gets so gloomy during the winter months. I do my best to help him but I always feel it's not enough. I wanted to ask you if you had any tips to helping someone cope with this type of depression? Since you have gone through it with your husband.

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    • Posted

      Hello Emmalee, blimey yes this post is old, 9 years to be exact, but still relevant to me. Thank you for your lovely comments. I met my husband when I was 15. Married at 16 had our first son when I was 17. We've been married 43 years now and still going strong.

      ?In all those years, depression really is the toughest thing I have ever had to face.

      There are times when you want to run away and hide but for me that wasn't an option.

      ?Seeing someone you love being tormented by their own mind and feeling that you can't reach them is heartbreaking.

      ?The SAD light did help enormously and thankfully my husband came back to us, he was his old self and was off all medication and it was great.

      ?Unfortunately in 2011 I was diagnosed with bowel cancer, which was very scary. My husband could not cope with the news and sadly went right back into that dark place. I had to not only cope with my own diagnosis, but also with my husbands condition. I had no time to dwell on my own illness, which I think was a good thing. My main focus was lets get the surgery done so I can get home and look after him. Thank god for my two sons who were amazing. Their support for me made all the difference.

      Thank God I made a full recovery and have been cancer free for almost 5 years now.

      ?The struggle for my husband was again a real tough time for us all. I found out recently he seriously contemplated suicide.

      ?He came through it again and we were good until October 2016 when it all came back. This time we knows the signs, and as soon as I thought he was not himself, and saw his little tell tale sign which was flicking his knee with his thumb when sitting and not knowing he was doing it. I asked him outright if he was OK as men are so stubborn and don't want to admit there is a problem.  He got very upset and said he was struggling to cope again, so we got straight to the GP and started the medication. Wemoved quickly so we never had the really dark time. He is still taking anti depressants at the moment, but he is OK now and able to live his life fully. He knows now that whenever this hits, he will get through and that I will be there to support him anyway he needs. I just keep saying positive things like, well when you feel better, because we know you will, and he knows I am right because we've been there before.

      ?I wish I could give you a quick easy cure, but there isn't one. You can only be there with love and support. But it's not easy, at times I want to shake him or slap him but what good would that do.

      But we still have the blue light to combat the sad and I swear by it. Again not an overnight cure but gradually the smile comes back to their face and that makes it all worth while.

      ?Just be there for them, sometimes just a hug and a tissue can do more than you realise.

      ?As for yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help. Look for support groups and talk to someone you can trust. The most important thing for your friend and boyfriend is to realise you are there for them. And you need that too.

      ?It's blooming hard but the reward when they find that light at the of the tunnel is worth it's weight in gold.

      ?Don't ever think that what you do is not enough. It's the tiny little things that make the difference. Just by being there you are showing them they are not alone.

      ?I truly hope they can soon find peace in their life and the sun shines on you all soon.

      Take care

      ?Redjax xx

       

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