lonely

Awww, do you know why you are feeling this way?

I empathize. And, I'm sorry, but I think that's all anyone can do. My heart has been breaking day by day, every day, since May of 1997. A year and some months of grief, every day. I can't help you. There is no one who can help you. If anything, that is the one thing that I have learned from the past almost 20 years. The very best that anyone can do is empathize and listen to you. Don't underestimate the ability of the latter in being somewhat cathartic occasionally. A "help" of some sort, sometimes. I can't do the "group" therapy thing, and I don't believe that anyone who has not suffered this can ever understand. Medication works a bit. But it can't lay beside you and stroke your arm with fingers entwined as you talk. Or speak to you with lips breathing into your ears. A "cuddle" is far too much to ask, and sex is the last thing that I miss about intimacy.  That's what I want. Not sex. I want an intimacy that knows how I'm feeling, that knows the physical touch that I desire, that I need. It's not sex at all. I want to be held by someone who knows my inmost nature. Maybe with the familiarity of an old lover who has remained a friend.I've thought about this a lot of late. I, too, have a desire to touch. It is the most common desire for those who are dying feel. I feel no complusion to commit suicide - I simply want to die.

Years ago - twelve years ago - I had a friend who had been a love since high school who understood this need to touch. She had known me well and she came over ans spent the night. We touched, a few kisses, and talked throughout the night. She knew me so well. She had known me for so LONG - she knew me; my joys and sorrows, my strengths and weaknesses. I felt better when she left the next morning. She hadn't solved any problems, but she had made me a little less heart-broken... maybe because I knew, without her saying, that she still loved me. That, had I asked, she would have married me. I didn't feel good when she had said, "You know that you broke my heart, don't you?" It made me sad to know that I had once had the ability to break the heart of another. It made me sad that I had not married her - or found someone enough like her to marry.

Unless you're as lucky as I was, back then, to have such an understanding old friend, I don't know what to say to assuage a someone who is in a state of being heart broken. You need more than just human touch - I came close, back then, to hiring an "escort" to satisfy that need, but it wouldn't have worked.

For me, years have passed and I can no longer call that old friend. Things changed over the past 13 years and circumstances are so much different, simpler, back then.

But if you can think of anyone in your life? They may be worth a call/message/whatever.

Good luck.

I believe that my post is being moderated becuase I used the "s" or the "d" word. If so, I did not mean them as being as in support of them! Hopefully, the words will be deleted and the remainder of my post published.

Sorry, and I hope that, if my post comes through, you might think about my suggestion.

This is how I feel too...I have an unaffectionate husband with whom I don't get on anyway.....feel so alone