Long distance and depression.

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hey.

I didn't know who else to ask. I've been in a long distance relationship from the beginning. He studies abroad and I don't know when he will be back. I loved him. Whole heartedly. I think I did. No I'm pretty sure I did.

But now. I don't feel it. It's been a while. And I've been facing issues with family, job and mostly own self. For quite some time. Been a few months. I feel depressed. Alone. And I never talk to anyone about these things but my boyfriend. At some point, talking wasn't enough. Constant phone calls and talks weren't fixing it. He didn't know how To Help me. I got more and more depressed day by day. I stopped feeling things apart from loneliness. My one support system not being here.

And then a friend of mine here helps me with it. Takes me out and gets my mind off of things. Feeds me when i haven't eaten for days. Goes shopping and stuff to bring me out of it. I ended up needing this guy more than my boyfriend. This guy helped me out of it more than a million times. I did tell my boyfriend about it and he expressed that he doesn't like me getting too close with the other one. But I couldn't not go to the only person who brought me out of it every single time I felt down and suicidal. So I ended up spending more time with him. Nothing happened. Nothing physically extreme. Though I do get the urge to let him hold me and just take care of me. And we did. H3holds me every now and then. Not sexually. He ended up loving me. And it's hard. Cause he is here. And my boyfriend isn't.

I feel sick though. Cause I've always been the loyal kind. And this dilemma makes me feel like A cheater. Not telling my boyfriend about these things makes me feel like it. Fact is, I'm at a state where I need someone who loves me to just be here and hold me. Take me out take my mind off of things. Love me a little and make me feel it. Not talks and calls.

I can't tell my boyfriend because i know he will leave me. And I can't lose him.

I don't know what to do. I need help.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    To be honest your problem doesn't sound like a medical one, it sounds like your feeling guilty. I'm not going to judge, but your right to feel guilty, you have feelings for someone else, and are acting on it - no matter what you may tell yourself. Do the right thing, be honest and end your relationship, then not too surprising you'll feel better

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  • Posted

    You need someone here and now. There is nothing wrong in finding comfort in another person. Your boyfriend is too far away and cannot offer you the same comfort and warmth. Sometimes a touch or a hug can work wonders. Your boyfriend cannot expect you to wait for him forever. You need to go on with your life.
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  • Posted

    Long distance relationships are so hard to keep going under normal circumstances but when one of you is feeling insecure and needs more support it must be almost impossible.

    You have some decisions to make, only you can make them but I'm sure you will feel better once you've made them.

    If you still love your boyfriend tell him how much you need him. Is there any way you can move to where he is? Or can he transfer his studies and continue them here?

    If there really is no way you can be together you have to question whether this relationship is ever going to work. If not, then there is your answer. End this relationship and then be free to start a new one without feeling guilt.

    Good luck x

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    • Posted

      Thanks Lucy. No there is no way as his degree isn't available here. And I can't move cause my parents don't believe in live in relationships. You know, tradition and culture. They absolutely will say NO. I do love him. Very faintly. And I did let him know that I needed someone here and that I really don't feel much. Just can't bring myself to leave him as he has become my family. Things that I do now goes against my ethics. And one thing I know for sure is, my boyfriend is far better a human being than this other guy. I know that when he comes back everything will be back to normal. I just don't know what to do till then. The time That is taking for him to come back is pushing me towards the other one.

      The guilt is what's killing me

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    • Posted

      You seem to want sympathy for wanting you boyfriend to come back to stop you cheating. Sorry but that's just not right, and you are by the way misusing this forum its for people with health concerns, not people with a guilty conscience

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    • Posted

      Totally inappropriate comment.

      Nobody deserves to be judged like that, especially on a forum for depression. You do not know this girl or what other problems are going on in her life. People do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing.

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    • Posted

      I'm judging her based on exactly what she has written. That's all. She has come here for advice. Just because I'm not encouraging her to keep cheating and to feel good about it, that doesn't mean I'm wrong. Sometimes the hard truth has to be faced up to I'm afraid. If the OP doesn't want opinions of all kinds, then she simply shouldn't ask for them.

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