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I didn't know who else to ask. I've been in a long distance relationship from the beginning. He studies abroad and I don't know when he will be back. I loved him. Whole heartedly. I think I did. No I'm pretty sure I did.
But now. I don't feel it. It's been a while. And I've been facing issues with family, job and mostly own self. For quite some time. Been a few months. I feel depressed. Alone. And I never talk to anyone about these things but my boyfriend. At some point, talking wasn't enough. Constant phone calls and talks weren't fixing it. He didn't know how To Help me. I got more and more depressed day by day. I stopped feeling things apart from loneliness. My one support system not being here.
And then a friend of mine here helps me with it. Takes me out and gets my mind off of things. Feeds me when i haven't eaten for days. Goes shopping and stuff to bring me out of it. I ended up needing this guy more than my boyfriend. This guy helped me out of it more than a million times. I did tell my boyfriend about it and he expressed that he doesn't like me getting too close with the other one. But I couldn't not go to the only person who brought me out of it every single time I felt down and suicidal. So I ended up spending more time with him. Nothing happened. Nothing physically extreme. Though I do get the urge to let him hold me and just take care of me. And we did. H3holds me every now and then. Not sexually. He ended up loving me. And it's hard. Cause he is here. And my boyfriend isn't.
I feel sick though. Cause I've always been the loyal kind. And this dilemma makes me feel like A cheater. Not telling my boyfriend about these things makes me feel like it. Fact is, I'm at a state where I need someone who loves me to just be here and hold me. Take me out take my mind off of things. Love me a little and make me feel it. Not talks and calls.
I can't tell my boyfriend because i know he will leave me. And I can't lose him.
I don't know what to do. I need help.
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