Long so sorry Benzodiazepine

Hello

Sorry to trouble you but I am unsure about citalopram and a mood stabiliser which can be safe to take with it. I am sorry and ashamed to say that I have been suffering with various illness for many years and don't like to make a song and dance as I have always been a private person rarely asking any doctor or consultant for help but it sounds daft but I practically beg for a change in medication or cbt talking therapy which had been suggested to me by private people who assessed me - sorry to go on but in 1997 I was put on Seroxat 20mg gradually increasing all the way to the full doze of 60mg and stayed on them for 12 years - this is the tricky part as any normal person will wonder why on earth stay on them for 12 years if they were not working - the thing is due to my high anxieties and fears I hid behind alcohol and in 2003 was officially diagnosed with ptsd and apparently 60mg of Seroxat is the dosage for people with ptsd plus it would help me with ocd I was told - after my first two weeks on Seroxat I tried to commit suicide and was a few tablets short ( I later found out ) so from there my medication for mental health was decided by consultants who would inform my gp what to prescribe me (dosage) - each time I went I never saw the consultant who was on the letter to see but always some foreign sho or could not really understand me and it sounds silly (as you are probably finding out right now reading this ) that five minutes of listening to me in low mood etc then naturally they prescribed me valium and told me to come back in 6 months and any low mood and suicidal thoughts were to be put down to my high alcohol intake - so after keep going and three increases in valium and being put on various stuff - seroquel for about one month and much later in 2008 I was started a course of Sertraline and Epilum Chrono 1000mg - big purple tablets but after plucking up the courage to tell the truth and say I felt no different then again the high alcohol intake was to blame. As you can imagine I did not just have a couple of beers and decided to overdose but a lot of beer and whisky but because nhs a&e nurses said I am a binge drinker and it would have cost the ambulance £1500 to have brought me there etc then I knew I had to get help as to why I was drinking and decided to seek out private help - it sounds weird again but this is not for me but for the love of my family who were there distraught at nearly losing me and the reality knocked home big time as when you are in your own depressional world then each and every day I was plucking up courage to try and end it for good and to be honest I drank more - this business of a binge drinker sounds like I was out with friends on a weekend stag party or something and it annoys me labelled with the tag alcoholic simply because I have never enjoyed the stuff but after being held up on night-shift with a double barrelled shotgun to my face it increased but apparently each year my tolerance was building up and alcohol is a depressant I was being told - because I tried to end it the following day I had to go direct to mental health people who were clearly angry and annoyed nodding their head saying that if I was stone cold sober then I would not be here today - that comment combined with the cost £1500 to get me there etc made me search on-line for help with alcohol and it was quickly determined that I do not drink for taste but I drink because of high anxieties and nerves - and the biggest thing for me seeing private people was the fact that they believed me as I have never lied when previously asked by a sho of how many units I was consuming because I used to work it out before going - looking back I was so stupid as the private alcohol nurses I saw told me that no way should I have been prescribed valium if I was drinking 80 units per week and it should never have been increased three times either as it is a dangerous mix the whole cocktail I was taking - also I was told that if the valium was working then it is addictive so the maximum my gp could have given would have been 14 days - also the various consultants should have been aware that I am likely to drink more not less in an anxious situation but as they have the allocated 7-10 minutes to see you and after five minutes of listening to me it is not hard to see that I am in low mood so the consultants will prescribe a \"quick fix\" and send me on my way. Don't get me wrong as alcohol is bad for you and is a depressant etc and it has caused me serious problems with my mental state but the bitter pill for me to swallow is simply that I have not had a major binge for three years now and my mind says at Xmas time or my birthday that I could go out for a meal and have a couple of pints but the reality is that I live as a recluse and having a drink will not make me happy or make my depression or physical personal health any better - in fact when I was drinking and on a poor diet I had more energy then now when I eat proper food and fruit etc but because I have a past history with the alcohol as every time I went to hospital before I was under the influence then naturally consultants today suspect I have slipped back or bluntly tell me that I am due to relapse - I know that I am sober and also know that if I started drinking then it will not solve my problem but I suppose once you are labelled with the tag alcoholic then they have made their mind up - you see I was told that if a woman drinks two glasses of wine before or after a meal Mon-Fri then she is an alcoholic so I replied that there must be a hell of a lot of alcoholics out there but they did not like that comment as I sounded as I was trying to tell them that drinking is ok but what I meant was that an alcoholic in my mind is say George Best who liked to wake up with a white wine to start his day (in bed) or Jr from Dallas who started his day with champagne - the thing is I have tea and never crave booze first thing but saying that I am not running down any people who are alcoholics as alcoholism is a disease but to be honest I do not think I could put back 120 units a week (4 days out of seven of 30 units per night drinking alone in a dark room) if alcohol was my problem then I would pay for the private people to help me as they were so good believing me - the thing is because I have not had a relapse and not been binging etc I do not warrant being admitted to rehab so my situation is that if I asked my gp to refer me to them than all they could do is refer me back suggesting mental health as alcohol is not my key problem - as the consultant had me on 18 tablets a day and I felt ill every day I stopped and later discharged myself and will only go under my gp advice for tablets and he told me that he would never have prescribed me valium and the other stuff but anyway the private team did tell me that my area is usually (because of costs and now cuts) seroxat or sertraline - by the way they did not like the fact I was on both as it is usually one or the other but i never knew and being a consultant I simply did as I was told - these private people have done me a favour as I ask questions now like why after 12 years of seroxat am I still no better and is there something else and from the day I started asking then my problems started as they simply say that how can we help you if you refuse to take your medicine - I told my gp about this and the private people if it was up to them would have liked to keep it simple and try citalopam for depression and a mood stabiliser in conjunction with cbt talking therapy and also they told me that there are so many drugs out there apart from seroxat and sertraline and everyone is individual so my 18 tablets may well have helped another person in my situation but everyone is different and also there is no harm in prescribing something for my high anxiety and this is why I joined this forum simply to ask about medication - I have been told privately after assessments and 1-1 counselling that my depression is advanced and has grown like a cancer and yes alcohol would not have helped but rather than being constantly fed pills by various mental health doctors then they would prefer to get to the root cause of the problem but as things stand now particularly with the government latest cuts as that is an alcohol unit and my problems are not entirely booze then they can only advise me really but I am pleased that I know and of course if citalopram was not working over a period of time then unlike my seroxat 12 years they would look at other options - basically if they had my notes etc from my first suicide attempt way back in 1997 then I know that I would not be seeking advice today here on the forums so I do apologise for my long letter but I do find it hard to get to the point - I do not mean it and will not be making a habit of posting here as I really feel attention seeking which is wrong but my mind says at times that I am better off shutting up and having a drink alone because it will not make any difference to my pounding headaches and frequent toilet and excessive sweating and dizzy spells - after all these years of trying to see light at the end of the tunnel it is damn hard to try and convince yourself that you are going to get well and do what normal people do - as for a drink on my birthday and at Xmas well the reality was I felt sick and was in bed soaked to the skin in sweat with terrible headaches so my mind still thinks alcohol at times but feeling the way I do the last thing I want is whisky as I would probably throw up and also I cannot handle crowds so it is not as if I am going to walk to the nearest pub - it is so frustrating as my mind sometimes thinks before I became ill (if that makes sense) but all I want now is to pay for a private consultant to prescribe me a mood stabiliser and high anxiety tablets to try and help me cope day to day - I do not doubt that going for a walk will help lift mood and badminton and swimming which was offered to me before I discharged myself will no doubt help someone with depression but I have been a victim of violent crime and too scared to leave the front door and when I did I had alcohol so it is a vicious circle as I am forever explaining myself - the fact you see someone different probably did not help but surely they make notes of how you are when you see them - I plucked up courage to tell them that I am considering going private and the response was if you want to go private then that is entirely up to you. Leaving the building last year was the closest I have been to slipping back to the booze as just feel so alone in the personal battle each day always misunderstood by the experts so after telling my gp that a mood stabiliser was suggested etc than he wants to go ahead and try but is not allowed to prescribe as being specialist medicine then he needs authorisation from a consultant - I lost faith in the consultants and am looking for a private one but just wanted to join the forums and see if I can make a friend perhaps. Victim Support feel that I could be awarded compensation despite being out of the time limit but talking to the police over and over about that night I end up thinking it is me who is the criminal and as I say my depression is certainly long term in the sense that if the robber was caught tomorrow and sent to jail for 8 years like the police said he would get if caught then that will not get me any better as the fears and shaky part of my day to day life will not suddenly go away and if awarded compensation then that will not put me on the first plane to Barbados on holiday so I am going to cancel the claim as I could be judged as someone who will be suddenly better if awarded money and that is no way true. All I want is to be believed and really want to try and find a forum for victims of crime as just realised that I easily go off the topic on here as I have all these other problems - perhaps me joining was a bad idea as anyone reading this at nearly 4am must have fell asleep with me being so dull and boring. I am sorry. Thanks anyway and take care all of you.

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