Long term retching/gagging anxiety - what to do?
Posted , 8 users are following.
Hello friends.
I'm a 20 year old guy, currently at University, who's been suffering with fairly bad 'performance'? anxiety since 2012.
My form of anxiety is a nausea feeling which develops in my throat (not stomach). I can feel it right at the top of my mouth and it prevents me from breathing normally, moving normally and obviously talking. When it comes on, it totally consumes me, I have to stand still and wait for it to pass (usually by diverting the pain elsewhere).
I want to stress that I am never physically sick. But I do retch/gag if it overwhelms me (defining retching as literally the same noises, discomfort, pain etc as being sick, but nothing comes out).
I say 'performance' anxiety, because it's usually when I'm quite 'on show' infront of others. That doesn't solely mean things like presentations, but also sitting in seminars/classes/meetings, eating meals at restaraunts and peoples houses, playing individual sports like Tennis. I'm totally fine with going to a supermarket, sitting in a busy lecture or visiting the cinema when I'm confident no one is really bothered what I'm doing.
I feel totally lost unless I have my water which I can only sip, and sweets to suck on. Even then it only mildly helps, and will not prevent.
-It's totally impeding my life, I used to be a top tennis player in my county, then the nausea feeling/retching transferred onto court. I tried playing two tournaments again, but the same happened. I physically couldn't throw the ball up to serve without retching. Too scared to enter competetive ones since.
-I'm also petrified of having a meal out with my girlfriends family. Last time with her parents I had to run outside to retch before coming back to eat. I avoid almost every social occassion possible which I can see myself being uncomfortable with.
-Not to mention the physical damage I'm doing to myself. When it's really bad, in a seminar for instance, I start pressing my gums with my fingernails in desperate attempt to impede the retching and distract myself. Last week I drew blood in four places on my gums, but I convinced myself it was worth it afterwards. An external person would say WTH, just leave. But the state I get in, even the slightest movement could trigger me to retch, let alone interrupting a debate to ask to leave the room, standing up and manouvering past everyone. Personally I'd choose some temporary damage to the gums than retching repeatedly infront of 15 people who I'll have to see every class.
The worst it ever got was around 2014 at school, when I was in a state of being unable to even sit in assembly. I'd retched silently once in there, and was worried it would happen again, it's a catalyst thing. I'd even skipped a class purely because of it. I got into a system of retching before anxious things, like an awards ceremony, tennis matches to alleviate the discomfort - but I can only imagine that ISN'T the correct way to go about solving this.
Things are about to get big in my life as I graduate and enter the real world, and I really want to get it sorted, I see some of the stories of people who have been dealing with severe anxiety for 50 years, I really don't want that.
What do you reckon is the best course of action for me? I've never been prescribed any serious medication to alleviate the anxiety. I've mostly coped with it through natural methods, but don't see any harm in having the occassional tablet before a nervous event. I have had school counselling, brief therapy and then CBT at periods, but they haven't worked for a prologned period of time. Maybe I just didn't work hard enough?
?Is there any solution? =[
0 likes, 5 replies
Onestepatatime7 Grindelwald
Posted
Hi,
I think you should talk with your GP about medication. I have anxiety that turned into GAD. I went through a really bad time. I tired therapy and CBT which worked only short term.
I'm now taking sertraline. I've only been taking it for 12 days but I've noticed a difference. For the first time in five years my head is clear. My mood has lifted. I was previously on Prozac which I didn't get on with. It's about trying different meds and finding the right one for you.
borderriever Grindelwald
Posted
First of all you need to see your GP, you have a problem that an be treated in the long term so make that appointment
BOB
Junipus Grindelwald
Posted
Hi Grindel,
I feel your pain having gone through the very same thing myself .. school, uni and beyond. School assemblies were unbearable and I think that's when it really got a hold of me. Exactly the same thing as you with the throat drying up to the point that you obsess about it and then get into a vicious cycle of worrying, throat constricting and ultimately wanting to gag. Sweets are a first line defence but can exacerbate the situation after a while. I used to skip a lot of assemblies/lectures as a result and get into trouble, but it was worth it for the sheer relief it provided. It then progressed to school lunches and not being able to eat anything. At Uni it progressed to lectures so I would always hide at the back. Restaurants and friend's houses were always an issue ... same as yourself .. I could almost be reading my own account, hence why I felt compelled to reply to you. I would rather upset a girlfriend or friend by turning down invitations than to fess up to the real problem.
I cant offer much other than consolation that you're not alone. Im a good bit older than you and been through the mill. As much as Id like to say Ive found a cure, I havent. If anything it's got worse since the situations have just got wider. Nowadays its work meetings, travel (even in a car with people) and any new events or people where Im out my comfort zone or routine. Same, put me in a room on my own and I dont have a care in the world. Its the feeling of being trapped, either phyiscally or socially. Yes, of course you can get up and walk out of a lecture, but I dont think I ever did. Not once. The thought of having to explain to anyone (lecturer or a freind) why you needed to walk out was not even a consideration. And even if you do, what's not to say that you'll need to do it ion the next one .. and the one after that. Hence I learned to just cope, and suffer, until the end was in sight. Sometimes I'd cry myself to sleep knowing that noone else was going through that pain and suffering, how abnormal and absurd the whole thing was. Not to mention the lack of concentration, having to make for any bits that you didnt follow at the time since your mind was elsewhere.
I would probably say that Ive conquered the social eating since I like my food and usually you do have the opportunity to have a drink or 2 (the real fixer), so it is possible, although it's taken the best part of 20 years. When I was your age there was a stigma attached to it so I never told a soul, instead suffering in silence. What could they do anyway? I didnt want to be marked out if I had been allowed to skip assembly or lessons. Nowadays it's a little more understood and accepted due to the complex world we live in. Every one has something going on of some description, but they won't ever tell you. Unfortunately we have been dealt a particularly nasty card which has now ingrained itself. Undoing that presents quite a challenge.
Its fair to say that my life has been a write off since Ive missed out on so many opportunities, both in work and play. You'd never know I had a problem since you learn to mask it well and become a master of disguise and excuses, but holding it in and the suffering becomes draining.
There's more help out there nowadays so try it all out. Try the hypnotherapy, try the counselling, the CBT & the drugs. What works for one may not work for another, but at least you can say youve given it your best shot. For me I find that xanax is most effective but on an as-need basis. The problem is its short term relief and therefore youve got to take it in advance of the event that's worrying you. Im not sure where you are but its not available in all countries due to the (apparent) addictive nature. Ive tried longer term drugs but they never seem to have the desired effect - admittedly I lose interest fast if I dont see any perceivable benefit, or they give you equally unpleasurable side effects. Again, thats not to say that something out there wont work for you.
Happy to talk offline if it'd help. Keep us posted. Good luck.
kelly79088 Grindelwald
Posted
I used to have emetophobia, the fear of vomiting, but recovered from it about two years ago. Now I'm having issues with gagging and retching - in the mornings when flossing my teeth, while wearing my Invisalign trays, taking gum or candy out of my mouth and at other random times. I have an appointment with an ENT coming up, but in the meantime, the anxiety and fear over the gagging and retching have just increased. I constantly feel like I'm going to gag. Add the retching to that and it adds up to about 5 minutes of hell from beginning to end. I'm on multiple meds for anxiety and depression, but they haven't helped with this issue. Life is sucking for me right now. Any tricks or suggestions would be welcome.
Michael1207 Grindelwald
Posted
Hi! I have been struggling with the exact same symptoms for over two years now. Since it only seems to be getting worse, I was wondering if you ever found a solution for this problem?
Wishing you the best