Long Term Trauma

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Im 49 now, and have told My past on here B4, I had abused childhood, which still terrifies me today, I lived a bit , with that in me all the time, went to prison few times, violence, then got attacked by machete 6 yrs ago, lost my girlfriend, house, friends, got my own flat a year ago, but I just can't don't want friends or any company,. I lash out at care worker, housing officer, motivation worker and Drugs worker, on my own I'm crying for nothing, having flashbacks, medication doesn't work, I've tried loads, I done 4 sessions with a psychologist about 4 yrs ago, no-good, I don't want anyone around me or I get anger, but the more I'm on my own, the worse I'm getting, id love a partner to be with, but I know I'd fxxkxp. It's like I'm in a prison staring at walls, just go out to chemist or doctors. That's it,

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  • Posted

    Hello Stephen. I'm sorry to hear that your struggling with life, your story has touched me reminding me about my own past. Our past trauma can eat away at us and no matter how we try to solve it we always seam to hit a wall. Please do not give up hope, i and many others have been down that road thinking of what we think is the easy way out, it is not. I can tell by your personality that you are a fighter, so what you have been in jail, being in jail can give you an other look at life with all the other people struggling with their own demons, so your not alone Stephen.

    You will slowly get over this i know, yes the memories will come back but the feelings that come with the memories will slowly subside in time, you could try a support group and listen to other's stories , you will feel humble when you hear their pain, i know i did i thought nobody understood how wrong i was.

    If you find it hard to face people and talk, this way of communication is a good start, we don't know each other so that is one benefit, facing someone and feeling guilty all the time trying to say how you feel is a daunting thought, so give it a try ask us all for guidance you will be surprised by who are in the same boat as your self.

    God be with you

    John

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    • Posted

      ThanksjJohn your kind words sound so nice, That is the earson I used to ospt on here regularly, I think tsi lot easier riwting,(txting) my feelings owdn, and I remember now that it's only when I'm at my worst that I post on here,, your kind words have give me a image of you looking like a Father Xmas telling me that it's going to be ok🎅,. I'm a constant worrier , stressed, angry, emotional, I'm getting worried that I'll stress myself to a dangerous level, I think I need to start posting again, see if I can get myself together a bit, Thank you John

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    • Posted

      Stephen, don't feel you have to write only when your down there are other people out there who you can help just by listening to what they have to say will trigger feelings you have had in the past and got over, you may even have a suggestions for that person so don't you feel you have nothing to give.

      I believe in a higher power that guides us through our life even if we feel helpless now and again.

      I cannot answer for others who hurt us but i know that they too are suffering for passed deeds that they put on us no one escapes torment in one form or an other, i'm quite sure when you were in prison you heard people screaming in their sleep, that is your proof.

      So if you want to talk about anything even if it is to personal you can send it direct to me, we all have an understanding for each other.

      God bless

      John

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