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Looking after children and ME

Posted , 5 users are following.

Qwase
Qwase

Does anyone have advice on how to keep on top of kids? I've been referred to my local Chronic Fatigue Service and I have a horrible feeling that they might be right. I'm exhausted all day everyday, and in pain constantly, which ranges from background fuzz type stuff that you ignore to pain that brings me to tears. I'm generally just looking to find ways to make sure that I can give my kids the childhood they deserve. I find them exhausting. Physically and mentally draining, then because I'm so tired I lose my patience far quicker and more often than I should.

I have a 6 year old and a 2year old. How does everybody else cope?

Any advice will be fantastic!

0 likes, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • dawn97
    dawn97 Qwase

    Posted

    Hi qwase,   first let me tell you not to worry  , as long as your there the kids will be happy !!!  Beating yourself up with guilt will only use energy you could be using on the children !!!  Mine are 19 & 25 now but I understand how you feel !!  Please realise that the  children don't care if you can't play footy or run around they are happy with a book being read to them !!  Tell your partner or family  how you feel & maybe they can help with the exhausting stuff !!  Talking about how you feel is so important to managing this illness !!! Please be sure there is life with cfs !!! Good luck x
    • Qwase
      Qwase dawn97

      Posted

      Thanks dawn97. It's just hard I guess. Easter has made me dread the summer hols!!! We're very much a 'chop chop!!! Wanna be out the house by 9' type family. Going to look into summer clubs and try to balance it out in the summer. I know that if I do have it then I'm certainly one of the luckier ones!! And fingers crossed it doesn't get more severe! Thank you though. 
    • dawn97
      dawn97 Qwase

      Posted

      Your welcome qwase , I know its frightening when you try to get drs to fix you !! You need to get as much information as possible & then you can move forward , life changes when your ill but you still can enjoy things !! I've been ill for 14 yrs & I still learn new things , I've had to give up work but I've learnt how to bake & family love my cakes !! That's worth my weight in gold because there were times I thought I was useless !  Planning ahead will help you to manage holidays & trying not to worry will help you cope ! Take care x
  • jacquie14742
    jacquie14742 Qwase

    Posted

    Hi Qwase

    I know EXACTLY how you feel...i also have two kids, 3 and 5 and they were 2 and 4 when this hit...I have been ill for about 15 months now and i too have had to give up work, as my priority was the kids and the house...i too am exhausted everyday and if i push myself too much end up getting flu like symptoms, i a not sure if i have CFS or Fibro, but its one of them and exhaustion is worse than the pain, but i do get pain and strange sensations also

    I worry about the future all the time, but Dawn you have reassured me somewhat, thanks for that...its true, you dont need to do much for them to appreciate it, and i have two demanding ones also....we cant do half the things we could, but i still manage odd day trip and park and soft plays! Thats all you really need and as long as you plan you can manage it

    I try and stay positve and i think i will get better from this and that things could be worse, but it doesnt stop the feeling of loss...before this i worked for a big corporate company in a job i loved, and played tennis at a club - i have lost all that, but in a way, i feel its brough me closer to my children as now i can go to their school things and i couldnt manage this before, everything happens for a reason and perhaps this has happened to slow us down

    Keep us posted on how you go - let me know whats at the CFS service as i too have been referred to one...how long have you had this?

    Hugs - Jacquie 

  • jacquie14742
    jacquie14742 Qwase

    Posted

    also - most of my friends are exhausted all the time too, and they are not even ill - part of it comes from being a mum, i just think we focus on it more when we are ill and so tired...have you looked into adrenal fatigue, im currently looking at this for me as i have this, you can recover from that smile
  • JerseyKaz
    JerseyKaz Qwase

    Posted

    HI Q, I have had cfs and fibro for 4 years and have 2 children..now 8 and 10. Its tough when you cant run around and go for long walks, but you have to focus on what you can do...like craft activities, cooking, or as Dawn said reading books etc....A happy mum makes for happier children and I find if you let them know how you feel sometimes ( in their language) they can be very supportive themselves. When I first got ill (only diagnosed last summer), we had a big play session on doctors and nurses and now they help me do the shopping and other chores which makes them feel more important and independent. We play lots of games and I tag team with my husband with the more energetic ones. Holidays can be a scary thought but you need to just plan ahead a bit more and look for activities that are available. Sometimes, just going somewhere with a pool and other children to make friends with, is all you need to keep the children happy, allowing you to relax and unwind more. I hope that helps, cheesygrinJK
    • Qwase
      Qwase JerseyKaz

      Posted

      Thanks JK. I always say 'whatever makes you a happier person makes you a better mum' but that's usually to justify spending money I shouldn't!! I guess it's worth remembering though! 

      Jacquie, I started hoping it was adrenal insufficiency but I'm now scared its this. From what I've read adrenal insuffiency can be fixed with pills, whereas CFS can't. And I'd much prefer to have a 'fixable' illness!! Will keep you posted about what happens there. 

      The tingle fuzz started in my toes and travelled up to my thighs at bedtime about this time last year. Saw a doctor who thought it might be anxiety about returning to work after mat leave and an ill family member. 

      Ive been exhausted for ages, terrible headaches, nausea, muscle and joint pain and I just assumed it was cos I'm crap and I'm a mum :-( whenever I'd ask colleagues or other mums at Playgroup I'd get a resounding 'its normal, get over it'   It was just sheer desperation I made a doctors appt and its only looking at a 3week symptom diary I can say that I'm not being a drama queen and it certainly isn't normal. 

      I guess I'm in the denial stage atm. Thanks for ur help though, the doctors and the chores is GOLD!!!! Should hear from the service in the next week or so. Will keep u posted.   Thanks guys.  X x

    • dawn97
      dawn97 Qwase

      Posted

      I think denial is the hardest stage to get past ! But I assure you qwase once you've been to all the drs you will take in information a little at a time then you will find your way through. !!!  I spent too many years trying to be NORMAL that I used up my energy & didn't get anywhere ! My experience has taught me just do from now on what's normal for you now not before ! If that makes any sence ??  Good luck & anything I can help you with would be my pleasure !! Take care x
  • mike76241
    mike76241 Qwase

    Posted

    Our kids were 7&9 when I picked up ME after visit for minor op at Burton hospital

    from  being very active with them, I had to reajust to spending time as games on computer, books,jigsaws, board games, and

    theme parks without going on rides, most find the easiest thing to cope with is

    driving, so a  trip driving through safari parks, but holidays abroad were a

    disaster, lugging kids suitcases, heat etc, so nice accomodation on south coast,

    treat yourself to massage on neck & shoulders as mentioned before the easiest time was in winter the cold air helps circulation,

    lower exhaustion levels in very cold conditions

    please try taking the kids to the UK indoor snow centres, were it is like being in a

    freezer and very envigorating, facilities are for youngsters on a toboggans etc

    good luck

    • Qwase
      Qwase mike76241

      Posted

      Thank you again. I think just knowing that I'm not alone, not imagining it and not a failure is what I need to keep at the forefront of my mind. Things could be a whole lot worse and as long as I can talk about it things will be ok. Xx
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