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Lorazepam

Posted , 3 users are following.

Notthatginger
Notthatginger

I started taking diazepam up to 6mg a day,

Then I progressed to lorazepam going from 1mg a day now up to 3mg a day. And occasionally diazepam 5mg or 10mg.

I'm so worried because basically whenever I don't take I'm a mess. I can't breathe with intense anxiety and nausea! The suicidal thoughts that go through my head. I honestly can't cope!

I'm so destroyed by this drug. It upsets me so much that I'm addicted. That I need these to cope. In fact the current dosage has become not enough to get through. By the end of the day I can't cope again and feel as though I need to take more.

I'm disgusted by myself. I wish I knew how to cope without.

Someone please help me. I really struggle to get through work. In fact I'm quite worried my job is at risk. 😞

Hayley

1 like, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • lc72704
    lc72704 Notthatginger

    Posted

    Hi Haley,

    Dont beat yourself up. Its a nasty drug that causes havoc to our brain!

    I was on 1 mg ativan and became addicted. It affects everyone differently.

    Is your doctor willing to work with you to help you taper off?

    It sounds like youre in tolerance withdrawls and your body is craving more and more.

    Seek medical help your poor body and mind are out of whack.

    It was hell getting off of 1mg so I cant imagine how you feel.

    I am praying for you right now to get the help you need.

    LC

    • Notthatginger
      Notthatginger lc72704

      Posted

      I've tried to taper quite a few times and nearly every time I end up in hospital due to the suicidal thoughts.

      I'm really at a loss at how to cope

    • lc72704
      lc72704 Notthatginger

      Posted

      Im so sorry Haley. I had terrible physical symptoms but not suicidal thoughts. How long have you been on the benzos?
    • Notthatginger
      Notthatginger lc72704

      Posted

      About a year. I'm going through a really stressful time and they decide this is when they should reduce it. When I'm at risk of losing my job, about to move flat, struggling with suicide.

    • lc72704
      lc72704 Notthatginger

      Posted

      Thats terrible!! Can you change doctors ?

      Ive followed other benzo blogs and it seems like alot of similar stories... doctors prescribe the benzos without being aware of the terrible side effects. Then they just cut people off.

      Did you have suicidal thoughts before benzos?

    • Notthatginger
      Notthatginger lc72704

      Posted

      At the beginning it was all stemming from Anxiety at work and I began to get disabling symptoms from that, which had me house bound. I guess I did always think that my fear (of vomiting) will catch up with me and I'd rather die than vomit. But now it's different, I've suffered everyday for year with little improvement in symptoms. So I feel as though I'm broken. And thus there's no way out except the final way out.

    • lc72704
      lc72704 Notthatginger

      Posted

      Haley

      Do you have friends/ family to walk through this with you?

      What do you think about in patient detox?

    • Notthatginger
      Notthatginger lc72704

      Posted

      Hey,

      I don't really have any support. My parents think it's made up and my friends and boyfriend left me when I wasn't fun anymore. I've been on my own for a while.

      I would definitely consider that but not sure if they offer it in an NHS hospital.

      Hayley

    • lc72704
      lc72704 Notthatginger

      Posted

      What is a NHS hospital? I am in the U.S.

      Do you belong to any other groups online to see what others in your situation have done?

      My faith in God got my through those darkest days when I was hanging on by a thread. Im praying that a doir opens for you that you havent seen before.

    • Notthatginger
      Notthatginger lc72704

      Posted

      The national health service, where we get everything for free. But the don't always offer what you need. So I don't know if they'll offer in patient detox. I certainly couldn't afford it.

      Thank you for your prayers, although I'm not religious they are appreciated.

      Hayley

    • lc72704
      lc72704 Notthatginger

      Posted

      Its too bad our medical systems don't meet the patients needs. I have private insurance and have to push for what I want. Thats all we can do is keep asking. I remember how difficult and frustrating it was when I was in withdrawls and they kept saying it couldnt be the ativan .

      I dont know how religious I am but I do know that when I told God that I was so scared being alone and so sick I felt a comforting presence in the room.

      Hang in there If you have any energy left fight for yourself and dont give up.

      I have oral surgery tomorrow. Is it ok if I check in with you when Im feeling better?

    • Notthatginger
      Notthatginger lc72704

      Posted

      Good luck with your surgery! Of course! Let's keep each other updated.

      Hayley

  • Aspinan
    Aspinan Notthatginger

    Posted

    Hi Hayley, I'm so sorry to hear your plight, I can only suggest you visit your GP and discuss professional detox maybe as an in patient where you will get daily support.

    Dont be disgusted by yourself, this isn't your fault, you are a victim of circumstance and need help.

    I seriously hope you get the help you deserve and need.

    Neil 

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