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Losing Friends

Posted , 12 users are following.

jackie00198
jackie00198

I'm feeling very sad today because my friends have basically deserted me. I'm housebound, and have told everyone that I can't even talk on the phone. That the only way I can stay in touch is through email. So I send emails to friends and am ignored. This includes by best friend of over 50 years, very dear family friends I've known all my life, and my sister-in-law. I do my best to not focus on all this, but yesterday I wrote an email to this supposed best friend, because I was excited that a letter of mine got published in the L.A. Times. She never acknowledged the email, just as she hasn't responded to most of my previous emails. The result of all this is that now my emotional isolation is equal to my physical isolation. If it weren't for my husband, I would have almost zero contact with others. I'm grateful for Facebook, because at least I can see what everyone else is up to. How do you guys deal with this?

1 like, 18 replies

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  • caitlin39841
    caitlin39841 jackie00198

    Posted

    Hi Jackie. sadly,  i don't have any magical words of consolation to offer you only to say, i fully understand the pain of emotional isolation and the feeling of being abandoned by those whom one thought were soul friends for life. so you are not alone in this respect. having been there i empathise fully with your pain. 

    for me the feeling of being 'abandoned'  has been worse than the physical limitatioins of the illness. in fact, it can feel  like the grief & sorrow of a physical  death.  

    i managed this greiving process by learning to ''let  go''. i studied a technique advocated by an MD - Dr David Hawkins - in a book called ''Letting Go'' - the pathway of surrender  which helped. i also used some of the precepts/philosophy of Vipassana meditation. retreats  that i used to do when healthy. these two  dove tailed well.  

    Following that, i proactively sought out friendships via ''befriending'' agencies run by professional charatible organisations.  these people match you up with others who share your pastimes & interests.

    they  come to visit you in your home or you can  go for a coffee/cinema/park  or whatever one's capable of doing.  you decide the type of ''match'' you'd like.  it's all done very professionally. 

    through this, i've met some amazing people - often young professional open minded people who wish to contribute to society. it's kept me connected, mentally stimulated & i've been able to pass on some of my life skills too. with some it's become a healthy mutually interdependent relationship but without 'obligation'. 

    at the moment, i know that this is not possible for you, but maybe in the future when your health improves. i thought, i could never forget the pain of the feeling of being ''let down'' by friends , but i did and rather more easily than i had anticipated.

    btw, i've followed your posts on here & always find them soooooo helpful. i always feel i can trust  their reliability. 

    warm thoughts to you.

    Caitlin.

     

    • jackie00198
      jackie00198 caitlin39841

      Posted

      Hi, Caitlin. In reading your post, I was so impressed by how you've managed to deal with the isolation and abandonment of ME/CFS in such a creative, thoughtful way. It seems that you've remade your life with this illness and found your own way to give meaning to your life. And yes, the abandonment issues can be right up there with the physical issues. I'll check out that book. I've been practicing mindfulness meditation for over a year, and that does help. Unfortunately, as you mentioned in your post, I'm usually unable to meet with or talk to people. I had a bad relapse 2 years ago, which resulted in this more extreme situation. Thank you so much for your ideas and your post.
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