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Loss of Sexual Desire

Posted , 4 users are following.

kasiaj
kasiaj

Hi, 

I've had LS for a few years now, am 19 and only started being treated for it for over about a year. Initially before I started using clob, sex became impossible and stayed painful for about 6 months but my partner and I kept trying. Then he went travelling and I used the dilators, clob and coconut oil religiously and when he came back sex was fine again! It was all very positive. However, recently I've had a flare up and sex became painful again. 

Ever since it became painful, my interest in sex has just vanished. I don't know if this is some kind of mental thing associating pain with sex? My theory is that the whole process has been tough on me mentally (as I had issues for about a year and the doctors were useless and kept misdiagnosing me) and that as soon as it started to decline again my body and brain had enough and has just lost complete interest. Is this possible? 

Has anyone else had experience like this?

It is quite tough because I keep questioning my relationship and my attraction to my boyfriend which is silly because our relationship is perfect and he's great and handsome. But it's all taking it's toll on me mentally.

The doc recommended that I abstain from sex until I feel that my vagina is ready to have it again without pain. She said that the consistent trying, whilst trying to treat my vagina would just result in pain which would cause the association with sex and the whole process of physically and mentally healing would slow down. 

Any advice would really be recommended as I am struggling now and finding it very stressful and tough.

I hope you are all well

Kasia

1 like, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • kasiaj
    kasiaj

    Posted

    sorry I meant any advice would really be appreciated! Haha smile 
  • LaineyBoo
    LaineyBoo kasiaj

    Posted

    Hi Kasia,

    I feel your pain. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and in the time I have only had full penetrative sex just a handful of times. The pain during and after made it not worth it.

    I struggle with my condition all the time and it's really had an impact on my mental health. Unfortunately, what you have described is the normal for me. I am hoping to find the right treatment soon so I can get some respite.

    Have you considered being intimate with your partner without full penetration? Often sex is about that feeling of closeness and there are unlimited ways of still getting that intimacy without the penetration. It might help your head and stop questioning and feeling paranoid.

    It's not ideal, but perhaps could be a work around until you give ur body some time to try and heal

    • kasiaj
      kasiaj LaineyBoo

      Posted

      Hi Lainey, 

      Thank you for your reply. I'm really sorry to hear about your condition and if ours are similar like you say then it has gotten better for me in the past. The use of dilators really help. 

      I've tried to be intimate in other ways but when it comes to the evening, I used to get really anxious and upset because I knew sex was coming and I think just all the experience had made me incredibly anxious about sex in general. Now, my mind has just kind of blocked it off and it's as if my body doesn't want to have sex at all. Maybe as things improve with the use of dilators, my sex drive will improve also.

      My boyfriend is really understanding and he's giving me space sexually and no pressure so we have not had sex for a while but that has made my feelings for him warmer. I think the anxiety was interfering with my feelings. 

      This condition can be so nasty physically and mentally!

      Have you been using dilators yourself? As I said I find that really helps with the tightening and coconut oil also.

      Take care

       

    • LaineyBoo
      LaineyBoo kasiaj

      Posted

      I have tried with no success, tearing, bleeding & pain was the result. I probably could/should have persevered but the pain got too much. I've been married for a good while so my husband is very understanding and sympathetic.
    • kasiaj
      kasiaj LaineyBoo

      Posted

      I am really sorry to hear that.

      As you said before there are other ways to be intimate. I'm glad you have an understanding and kind husband. I wish you well

  • Morrell1951
    Morrell1951 kasiaj

    Posted

    Kasiaj, this is what happened to me in my twenties. (I'm 63 now.) But I had a very sexually demanding husband who nagged until I gave in, then we'd have a horrible fight afterward and barely speak for three weeks. Then we'd make up, the LS would flare badly after having sex a few times. *repeat*

    After we had sex a few times over the next several years – enough for me to have two babies – I finally left him after about eight years of almost total celibacy. Oddly, I went into remission in my forties and had lots of great sex before LS flared up again at menopause.

    This loss of interest is exactly what happened in my recent four-year relationship. He's gone now and I have had zero libido for two years. I'm thankful that will keep me out of trouble and I've just decided to have a dignified old age without sex. I'm lucky to have lots of friends, including men.

    Your doctor has given you excellent advice. Just remember LS can go into remission and as you know openetrative sex during a flare is bad news. I'm glad you're not on here talking about lidocaine.

    I believe that there's a huge range of how interested people are in sex. LS sufferers can have sex, just not three times a week, every week.

    • kasiaj
      kasiaj Morrell1951

      Posted

      Hi Morrell,

      Thank you very much for your reply. 

      Fortunately for me my boyfriend is very understanding and patient. I can't imagine what it would be like to be with a demanding and unempathetic man. I'm glad you have moved on from him and that you had nice relationships after him :D 

      It's comforting to know that the loss of libido happens to others too. I just get worried it won't come back! I'm sure over time it will and I just need to learn how to maintain my LS best I think.

      It's such a stressful condition! 

      What is lidocaine by the way? I haven't read anything about it on here. 

      Thank you again for your reply x

    • Morrell1951
      Morrell1951 kasiaj

      Posted

      Lidocaine is a local anasthetic. Dentists use it to numb your gums before injecting anasthetic. But if you're flared up this will just allow you to blithely traumatise your vulva.

      Libido comes and goes. That's my experience. It's desire. There has to be an object of desire, a thing you want to do. I know what it's like to want to be held and kissed but if I'm afraid it will lead to something painful, I stay withdrawn.

  • tuppermom2
    tuppermom2 kasiaj

    Posted

    kasiaj, I know what you are going through! It is so hard! I feel the same way! My body, brain just shuts down at the thought of sex! My husband and I have had great sex in the past, but right now it wants to make me upset when my husband even talks about sex! Hugging and kissing are lovely, but then he mentions sex or the way it use to be, and I pull away. It has caused both of us to question our relationship at times. I know this is very hurtful to him, I just wish he would understand that its not because of him, its because of this LS. I too keep hoping that when things clear up that the desire will return. I get scared that I am so nervous about the pain that I won't relax enough to even get turned on. He mentions at times that we should see a sex therapist, but unless it would be one that knows about LS, I'm not even interested!
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