Lost again in life just don't know how to continue

Hello , read your post and my heart goes out to you.

You did so incredibly well getting your life back together when you found someone to love and you hoped they would love you.

It is tragic that has not come to fruition with her infidelity.

You are back in a dark place again but you know you have the resiliance to cope with this, you just need some professonal help, with your concerns for your sons welfare and happiness.

Who is caring for your son now, has your partner left you both,do you have suitable accommodation, are working?

Depending on those circumstances, perhaps your first call should be to the Social Services Family division for help and advice.

I do hope you seek soe help and from that will be able to make suitable arrangents for all concerned.

Take care off yourself, your health is paramount in your circumstances.xx

Hello,  I am sorry about your childhood and the suffering you had to endure and cope with. You got through this and survived. I don't really know what to advise except you need to decide what the future is for you and your son. Are you thinking of seperation? Talk with your wife and decide what you both want to do about the future especially for your son. Kids are quite resilient and two happy parents apart would be better than two unhappy parents together. If you cannot talk with your wife then you would be wise to get some legal advice. You have practical skills to look after your son and with child care you would be a great single dad if that is what you want. You love him very much and that's what's important for him to know. Infidelity is hard to forgive but if you decide to stay with your wife it may be wise to have relationship counselling. I hope someone can give you better advise.

Best wishes.

Elizabeth.

 

I have overcome some difficulties, nothing like yours. You have to find help to get you back out of the dark into the light. You obviously love your son so very much, showing that you have not followed in the ways your parents did. For that you are to be commended as so many just follow the route they know. Not easy but you and your wife will ned to sit with your son, explain you as his parents are not getting along right now, so to make things happier and easier you are going to separate. 

The worst reason to stay is for a child, better to have 2 happy loving parents than live in a house where its arguments etc, I expect he knows more friends than you would guess who also come from loving homes. I don't like the term broken homes, plus he will have 2 happy homes not 1 miserable one.

Stop throwing money at the issue it won't help!! 

Go and see someone about a debt management plan as well please, you have a job, you have a happy, helthy son. Focus on the good that will be your future, please stop looking to the past. YOU ARE NOT YOUR PARENTS. You are you, someone who has lost his way, but you will find it again, look deep inside you, use the inner strength you have used before. Get help for you, I would guess there may be some level of depression there. Make an appointment to see a Dr, explain your feelings in the past , but also now, Tell them everything,take their advice, maybe marriage guidance, but i'm guessing she may nt want to do. Then get in touch with an approved debt charity and get that help. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, just may take a little time. You will all be happier, remember though you can do this !!! After your past if you break this into each different issue and work on them like that you will be much happier.

Which country are you in? may be able to sign post you to your best help, do update please. Good Luck! 

Hi Unknown,

Life. We are defined through the translation of others in our early lives. Then in early adulthood we strive to be and do who WE want to define ourselves as, yet we still have the force of the emotionally damaged undercurrents of a traumatic childhood subconsciously dictating our choices without even realizing it.

In extreme cases like yours, and mine, it takes longer to muddle through the entanglements left in the wake of sick unhealthy selfish adults in our lives who did not protect us as they should have.

So no matter how hard we fight to win personal accomplishments to steer ourselves away from who and how we do not want to be as taught to us by those adults, we still struggle. Those dark nights of desperation when there is no one to call to talk to and those dark impulses to just exit the world because we as soldiers have become weary of the battle to survive life.

This sounds hopeless but it is not. Those desires to end it all, to give up, are actually short moments in time compared to an entire lifetime.

Where you are right now can also tell you that you have embarked upon a new growth edge and you have the chance to begin to dig deeply within yourself and with the help of a good therapist and reading good self help books and possibly the use of an antidepressant, and for me, Faith, you can have a brighter near future.

You have reached out to the world on here and that is brave! You care about your son and that selfless love alone is worth staying around for. As far as your wife, she owns what she did, not you. Please guard against allowing her to define who you are. I do not know where you live, but here in America, fathers have strong rights in the courts.

Fight the good fight. My favorite words to describe life's events are, "IT IS AS IT IS". This tells me that we do not have to roll over and play dead in the wake of life shocks, but instead we can grow when we stop fighting against ghosts of the past and fears of the future. We can choose to take away valuable lessons from our circumstances and move forward.

Grab a hold of every sweet nugget of resources around you to help you through your inner entanglement. Your 30's will be brighter if you so choose. For me, now at age 57, despite how long ago my parents and family defined who I am, there are times when I find myself still allowing them to define me, but it is ME who is carrying on the tradition!

Rape damages the human soul and that will always be with us, but the good news is that with hard work as recommended above, we CAN find a shelf in the back of our minds where we can store it and not allow it to control our every day life.

Your strongest raging fear I think is to protect your son from sexual abuse, am I right? The break up of your marriage just changed the safe neat and tidy landscape you put into place for him. Who will your wife subject your son to? It is as it is. He has his own destiny, but you can fight in court to put legal protections into your sons life.

I hope something I have said can help you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share with you and if there is anything positive about suffering trials and tribulations is that if we allow it, we can be there for others who suffer similarly.

Hugs to you,

💛 Dawn, USA

HI Unknown, how are you doing now?  I am thinking about you.