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I've had CFS since the age of 9 and in a few weeks I will be a 17 year old girl. So to be honest, I can't really remember what it feels like to be "well" and i've never really had a good track record of making and keeping friends. Recently I left secondary school to go to college, which is a whole new struggle in itself. Putting aside how unwell college can make me feel, I also feel like i've been made the third wheel. At first it was just me and a guy who was in my art class at secondary, we weren't exactly best friends but we trust each other with secrets and can have a good laugh, that sort of thing. Long story short I noticed a girl was finding it hard to make friends with the rest of the college class so I started talking to her and got my friend involved in the conversation and then 2 became 3.
But my problem is, now I feel really insecure with the friendship between the 3 of us. I only have the energy to go to college and nothing else. I haven't been able to meet up with friends from secondary school (some who couldn't deal with my absence and made it clear that they couldn't be bothered, which I understand, that doesn't make them bad people), even the one friend that really tried to stay in contact, who I still talk to (we aren't as close as we used to be). Meanwhile, the two of them have lots in common and have lots to talk about because they have lives outside of their homes and college. One of them has even learnt to drive, goes to the gym and is able to do any assignment last minute and get an amazing grade. The other has experience dating and travelling, but i've rarely even left my city. So sometimes, I can get completely blanked and spoken over - but I know this isn't intentional, it just happens.
I guess what i'm wondering is, has anyone met and kept new friends whilst having this condition?
The whole situation has me depressed, I feel as though I don't have a life. If I dare try anything new, my body will punish me later and violently at that. (One day out resulted in not only me being tired for the whole duration of that day, but kept me almost bedridden for 4 weeks after). Things I used to do, such as art, I can't bring myself to do anymore. Plus, the whole college animation course seems like a chore to me now - I used to be excited about it and passionate about what I was doing, but now all my work is just bad.
Everything has just seemed to stop for me, which annoys me because I didn't get the chance to start i the first place.
From the moment I got CFS till the present, it's only gotten worse and I feel like this is a dead end for me.
What can I do to get the ball rolling again?
Any advice or stories of your own experience will be very helpful to me.
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