Lost & heartbroken wife - please help!
Posted , 4 users are following.
The story is too long to tell (I could write a book) but my husband has complex ptsd and this is the forth time out of the blue I have been kicked out of our happy marital home. It was completely out of the blue yet again, I was awoken at 06:30 in the morning and told to 'get out of my house', he was drunk from the night before still. I was in complete shock but I left as I have done three times before. He doesn't want me anywhere near him when this happens. It's like I'm suddenly the enemy when I haven't done anything wrong. He's told me so many times when he's well that I'm his rock and he loves me so much and he wouldn't be here without me.
There is no connection however when there is a little added stress or alcohol involved, he decides out of the blue he wants to be alone (which is actually the opposite of what he really wants).
We're the best of friends and childhood sweethearts. I know he's in there somewhere under this awful dog surrounding illness. He was placed on medication a few times but stopped it as he felt 'fine' again.
I'm desperate for some support on what to do as the doctors won't help until he hits rock bottom which could not be so lucky this time. He goes through the phase of being completely high loving life to bang, suicidal.
He's so alone and along with childhood and the military his other persona takes over when added stress triggers him.
My questions to you are...
1. Others been instantly asked to leave out of blue
Did you always leave
2. What did you do?
How did it work out if you stayed
Is it not good to(eg. Safe? Doesn't help sufferer?
3. Do you always have to wait for the sufferer to
get to a low point + then ask them for help?
4. Health service.. Any guidance how to deal with this?
We're not speaking again as I've found the three times before that this persona needs space. This goes on for at least two months until he reaches out and realises he's unwell again and needs and wants help.
From a very lost and heartbroken wife.
Please help, thank you x
0 likes, 3 replies
john_53927 wife5
Posted
Dear Friend
Firstly, I can see that you withhold your name. Is this due to your fear of your husband?
This seems to be a very complex case indeed. You are under great stress and strain and it is bound to make you unwell too. How much longer can you withstand this amount of daily and nightly pressure? It's too much for you to deal with alone!
How long has this awful situation been going on? Does your husband have a serious drink problem or does it happen now and again?
Sorry to bombard you with questions but I'm trying to get a better picture of things. You say that he has complex PTSD and that he sometimes stops taking medication. I would assume that this makes his situation much worse - and for you too!.
it would help to understand issues better if i knew what prescription he is prescribed. Are they anti-psychotic, SSRI's, tricyclics or something else?
It's sounds very alarming that he gets episodes of being "high" only to be replaced by "suicidal" thoughts. Does he have a diagnoses of bi-polar as well as PTSD?
I have suffered PTSD since around 1992 and it was "delayed" in my case. You state about his "childhood" and the "millitary" When did his PTSD begin and what was the actual cause?.
It makes no sense to me that doctors can't, as yet, intervene in this terrible situation. Throwing you out of the home is not acceptable at all. No wonder you'r totally lost and heartbroken. (Personally, I would have legal advice concerning this)
You supply 4 questions that you need help with. I think that number four is most important at this stage. You need to contact your doctor again and inform him/her of the deteriorating circumstances, and that your mental health is rock bottom also. You simply cannot endure this on-going situation without appropriate assistance.Period! .
Your husband needs to be "stabiised" sooner rather than later.
I wish i could be of more help but as you say this is a complex case.
Do take good care of yourself. You have been very strong to cope with it all, but you must be carefull that your health does not get worse because of the strain of looking after your husband. Deep down you no doubt love each other very much.
God Bless you both
John
kay8827 john_53927
Posted
Hi john,
My ex husband suffers from PTSD as well because of the multiple times that he has been in jail. He continues to say that is the most soul crushing place there is. But he has NEVER kicked me out, it's actually the opposite he is extremely needy and stalked me for a while when we got a divorce. Have you experienced what this lovely lady is narrating? Have you ever felt the need to be away from the love of your life for MONTHS And kick her out on the streets? This seems like something really odd and I would like to know if this is normal in case it ever happens to me, since after 3 years I am talking to my ex husband again because he is getting out of jail and he again is destroyed and suicidal but he is also bipolar, has chronic depression and anxiety (which i think is why he can't function without me). I love him as a person and I want him to be able to be healthy and happy WITHOUT me, I think is more important that he learns to love himself first or else he will always depend on me. So my question for you : is it common that people with PTSD push people they love away from them so violently and for that much amount of time? I don't think I would ever be able to forgive him if he did that to me.
kay8827 wife5
Posted
Hi wife5!
I hope that your situation improves reading about your story actually helped me prepared myself to what's to come .. because I've never heard of people with PTSD pushing people they love away INTENTIONALLY. I've heard that they distant themselves quietly and you won't hear from the for 2 days tops. But the fact that he is willingly drinking knowing that he gets abusive like that, is very concerning.. you should really be careful! You sound like a super devoted and loving wife! But you can't let anybody kick you out or disrespect you, because you won't give up on him and be patient with his illnesses, but that doesn't mean that he can be careless with his medication, get drunk and kick you out! No way! Are there any children involved ?
Thank you sooo much for sharing your story I feel liike it has given me strength and confidence on what to expect ! Hopefully I hear back from you so we can figure out together what to do 😘
1.- he has never kicked me out, actually I'm the one who pushes him away when I see that he is not taking his illnesses seriously
2.- i left him twice, one time on 2012 we filed for divorce and we were back together 4months later, then I left him again on 2013, I had NOWHERE to go no family no nothing, just my clothes in garbage bags. And I survived !!! So can you! Now I manage a law firm, live by myself and I'm as estable as I can be, that's why I feel like I could help my ex to get through this, because I have the mental strength to fight with him and see him happy and healthy even if we never get back together. He will always be my best friend
3.- his family is extremely ignorant they have told me several times that they don't believe in doctors and that bipolarity an excuse for the government to control us with medicine 😒 So YES, The 2 times I left him was because he touched rock bottom and that's when HE looked for help on his own.
4.- I have NO CLUE, he claims that he has tried everything, mental institutions, all kinds of medicines , several therapists, and nothing works for him. I wrongly think that this is just an excuse to stop fighting.. so if you hear of anything PLEASE send me a private message. I joined this website for this same reason so please let me know!
You are not alone and you are not at the end of the rope! There is ALWAYS something better 😘