Lost, lonely, empty, blank so tired 😢

Posted , 6 users are following.

That's about it really. 4 weeks of therapy left, keep trying, keep picking myself up from the depths of destruction, unsure how much longer this can go on. Lost count how many times I've run away but keep on coming home eventually as just can't do the deed, got tracked down by the police the other week after hanging up with a helpline through my work. More dissociation to the world around me, told my reinforcer who is the back-up between each therapy session, I'm supposedly doing ok!! Doesn't feel like it. Just wish I was dead.

Before you ask been attending exercise classes, walking, doing my best to eat sensibly, cut down on alcohol have been avoiding the few people I know or they have been avoiding me getting on with their lives just can't face them, some places cos I start panicking. Just can't see a point in life anymore I hate myself so much. Or this is just another bad day like all the rest.

You all take care out there. X

2 likes, 4 replies

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Tina, I'm sending you a big hug. I felt sad when I read your post. I'm so sorry you are struggling and everyday seems to be a test of endurance! I want yo u to know, you are not alone because I and others know how hard it is. Firstly, you said in your post that you are "supposedly OK. That gave me the distinct impression that that is the opinion of others, maybe the psychiatrist or doctor?the most important thing to understand is, you don't feel better. It's about how you feel, these people don't live inside your head, you do! So it's how you feel that's important. You shouldn't have to feel this way and be struggling. You don't say whether you are taking medication? Take one day at a time, and don't be afraid to be honest people about how you feel. I'm here if you need me sweetheart, anytime, Donna x

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    • Posted

      Hi Donna thank you so much for the hug much appreciated. I kicked myself up the backside been out for a 4 hour hike up in the Scottish hills. So peaceful, beautiful. Bloody knackered though.

      I'm supposedly OK as I'm attending, participating and attempting the homework etc for the therapy. No meds as they didn't work. I do try and be honest but the fear of letting go completely in front of people is so hard as I've kept so much emotion wise hidden for so long. I'll keep plugging on for now. Thanks x

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  • Posted

    Tina sweetheart it's about time you stopped hating yourself as it doesn't actually achieve anything and just makes you feel worse.  We all know this is just the depression talking and there is no reason for you to hate yourself any more than there would be if for example you broke your leg.  It's NOT your fault.  Keep telling yourself this and praising your bravery for facing it and doing whatever you can to make your life better.

    Try this.  When you have a negative thought such as 'I hate myself'  follow it with a positive one such as 'I am proud of myself today for doing so and so'.  It's hard at first and will require a conscious effort but eventually it will become 2nd nature and you will start feel a whole lot better.  Trust me - it works.  

    The other thing is would you tell your best friend you hate them if they were suffering from depression?  Of course you wouldn't so why tell yourself that?  You and each of us only have our own bodies and minds which is truly ours so you have to be on your side instead of being against yourself.  x

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  • Posted

    I've been there, Tina. It's not fun. Hope things work out for you.

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