lost my husband in July after nearly 36 years of marriage

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I am new to this, so please bear with me, not sure if this is the Β right group. I lost my husband in July after caring for him for 4 years with various medical problems and continuing to work full time. Travelling 120 miles one day a week for blood tranfusions for the past 10 months. He died of leukemia within 3 days after I was told he had at least 2 - 3 weeks. Even though you know this is going to happen it is still a shock. I have been receiving councelling and trying to cope but I find I am getting worse. Difficulty sleeping, crying uncontrollably, eating, shaking, self harming and suicidal thoughts. i have been told this is all normal and it will get better. I've joined the local leisure centre and attend 3 times a week to try and get rid of my excess energy. Β I was recently prescribed citalopram 20mg after 4 days I struggled getting out of bed, couldn't get out of my car to go shopping had to return home, I was sweating,hyperventalating, shaking and crying. I stopped taking these pills but was advised by my GP to take 10mg for a week then up the dose. How do you control these attacks I use to think I was a strong person dealing with what I had over the last 4 years but I feel like a failure not able to control any of this. When I start getting anxious I go out for walks even if it is 1 in the morning and just sit outside even if its pouring with rain as I don't seem to care anymore. Any ideas how to cope with these attacks. Thanks.

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  • Posted

    Hi I was the same when the doctor put me on them. Also I was given diazepams ten years later I can't go anywhere without any diazepams. Please read up on your med's the doctor can make you feel worse. There's lots off different med s . Get your self a dairy and write down how your feeling day to day you make give your body and mind rest, but don't be afraid because you read about other people story s sometime help. Just keep away from valium please don't make the same mistake as me.

    Regards shell

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    • Posted

      Thanks for that, I have been keeping a diary and do find this helpful to get my feelings and emotions out and it helps to try and explain to my Dr and counsellor how I am feeling at that time. I am not one for taking medication and feel as if I am giving in by taking pills.
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  • Posted

    Hi Tina really sorry that you are going through all this pain I'm sure in time it will get easier! I am on 20 mg of citilapram and have been on and off for 15 years, all I can say is they defo worked for me! But if you do decide to stop taking them make sure you ween yourself off them ie 1 every two days 1 every 3 days so on as the side affects by just stopping can be savere!!! Get all the help you can support groups, docs, family the lot, I can only imagine what your going through!! Keep your chin up and keep reading these discussions your not alone, I get great comfort reading these forums and you might too take care and if you need any advice regarding your anxiety symptoms just ask as I've had anxiety for nearly 20 years πŸ˜πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ™
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    • Posted

      I know it will take time everyboby keeps telling me this and i'm doing all the right things but I am finding this very hard I am tired of feeling like this I just want it all to stop.....
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