Love life after surgery for the older woman

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi. I'm 69 now.

I had hysterectomy and removal of ovaries plus bladder repair aged 36. I was on hrt until aged 62.

I had anterior cystocele repair on 25/717.I saw my urogynae surgeon for check up 2 weeks ago, and had loads of questions which she answered, BUT when I asked her about a love life she said I could "try" and that i may find it painful as there is a lot of scar tissue there. I just completely freeze if hubby goes anywhere near. I know it's not the b all and end all but with my prolapse it hasn't been on the agenda for a couple of years. I feel so upset, can anyone else relate to stop me feeling a failure. Thanks for listening, May x

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  • Posted

    Hi May

    I’m so sorry to hear that you have this information.  I am sure the scar tissue makes things a bit tighter.

    Did she mention using oestrogen cream to moisturise the perineal are and vagi always opening and to use the cream internally to replace the lost hormones and nourish the atrophy that we get from menopause.

    I have only just had cystocele and rectocele surgery 19 days ago. My surgeon said my vaginal tissue was very dry. He re omnended using cream to massage and insert daily for four weeks and then twice weekly to mai Tain levels. He said this can make a big difference to comfort. Since my prolapse got worse I have been unable to have penetrative sex with my husband. I have been in menopause for four years and am 52

    It maybe worth dis using this with your gp?

    My surgeon also said once healed and ready to use copious amounts of lubrication initially such as KY jelly.

    I hope you can get some support with this. Good luck, don’t despair x

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  • Posted

    Hi may,

    Lots of advice under useful resources which you will find at top of forum page, scroll down under emis moderator, useful resources and then further down the page.

    Tells you the best positions.

    Sometimes it takes a little while to slacken off, use lots of lub... , really trial and error but you'll get there in the end.

    I have lots if scar tissue too; I presented with slight posterior prolapse, they said it was a front prolapse that was causing problems at the back. So spoke to surgeon before going in to repeat that my concern was mainly a the back.

    She did both back and front this time. Over 18 months post op and while front repair is holding strong it feels far too tight and the back prolapse is now back to where it was before the op.

    However just wanted to say that because it has been pulled so tight at the front I think if has exposedore of my clitres which is normally well hide under its hood. Thus gas in effect made me far more sensitive. I also use estriol topical cream to target the scar tissue and this has given me a far better quality of life, thickening up my walls. So still using lub... and sex is better than its ever been.

    Just over 3 months is early days yet, things will get better.

    Take care,

    Phyl x

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    • Posted

      Hi there. Many thanks for your reply. Before surgery I used Ovestin cream and Replens for VA but since surgery they really burn me, so surgeon is giving me something else to try. I will let you know how I get on. Thank you mayx
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    • Posted

      I have VA also, everything I have tried burns, estriodel makes me swell up. Actigel instagell, even coconut oil burns. Being referred back to gynaecologist, great being female isn't it!

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    • Posted

      Hi Laura, thank you for your reply. Agree not great being female!!! Will wait for surgeon's letter with the info on what to use now. Some of it is psychological too I think as had infections and thrush 6 weeks into recovery and untreated at the moment, VA. Best wishes to you mayxx

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  • Posted

    Hi May, Have you tried massaging the tight tissues? Or is it still a totally out of bounds area due to pain.

    you could do with being referred to a womens health physio, they are't easy to find, but your gp should know if there is one in your area, they work on tight tissue and myofascial release inside your vagine to loosen things up. You could also try using vaginal dilators. Very gently and slowly, to show you there is nothing to be afraid of, and help you come to terms with and explore your surgical scars.

    It's a very sensitive subject and a difficult one to deal with after surgery, but ask your gp, he or she will be used to dealing with this, and can prescribe dilators, which with patience and a lot of lube, should  help you and give you more confidence to later try penetrative sex.

    No rush, take it slowly, you sound as though you have an understanding husband who will wait until tge time is right for you.

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    • Posted

      Hi there, thank you for your reply. Before surgery I used Ovestin cream and Replens for VA but since surgery they burn me really badly. Surgeon is giving me something else to try so will let you know. Many thanks mayx
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  • Posted

    Hi May

    I had surgery one year ago and I had intercourse twice in that time. It was so painful I just freeze too if my husband comes near me. I use vagifem but it's not helping very much

    Would love to hear if someone has an answer.

    I feel sad that this has happened.

    I am the same age as you

    M

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    • Posted

      Hi there, so sorry to hear you are having the same problem. Before surgery I used Ovestin cream and Replens for VA, but since surgery they really burn so much that one night I sat on a cold pack. Surgeon giving me something else to try, fingers x. I will let you know how I get on. Many thanks for your reply. Mayx
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