Loved one of an alcoholic needs help please?

Posted , 9 users are following.

My partner is an alcoholic and prepared for shoulder surgery today. Last few days he started shaking, freezing, sweats, nausea, tachycardia and is not the same person I love. He had not drank in a few days. I am trying to understand and refuses help. He pushes me away and when I look at him, he looks empty within. Is this all normal?

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Yes, he's going through withdrawal. How is he doing today? No doubt his doc will notice if he's in a bad way. 
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    • Posted

      He did great through surgery......not sure he will take a drink today or not but he is good right now. I know with alcoholism we cannot tell them to get help as I have tried, it must be their decision. Thank you for asking.
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  • Posted

    An alcoholic must never just immediately stop drinking, in worst cases it can be fatal.

    Generally heavy daily drinkers are detoxed using a benzo, something like Vallium, but by a different name. The only other way is to slowly cut down the drinking over a period of a couple of weeks, although it is difficult to do it this way.

    No way should he go for surgery without telling them the truth, especially since he is probably going to be given a GA or sedation.

    He is going through hell, which is why he doesn't want to talk to you and looks sh*t. I've done cold turkey and it is deeply unpleasant, but I wasn't going for a hospital appointment. So yes, it is normal, but it is NOT good.

    I would warn you that alcoholics don't take well to being given advice and you face a battle to get through to him. Half of me says ring the hospital and tell them and the other half says, you won't like the consequences of doing that.

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for your response. He did well in surgery and had been like drinking a nightcap at night but sometimes gets to drinking heavily.  He seemed to calm himself down before and his vitals were good. Yes, I know I could never tell him what to do, been there, done that. I learned it must come from him totally and do understand this. I should know as my Mom & Dad were both alcoholics but sometimes, doesn't make it any easier. I know he is going and been through hell as I have watched him daily. I am hoping he seeks help soon, and in the meantime will be here for him. Thank you so much for your support, greatly needed and appreciated.
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  • Posted

    So sorry to read that you are going through this.  It is quite astounding how much of a ripple event a drinker has on those family and friends that surround them....

    Have you enquired if there is an Al-Anon group in your area?

    Al-Anon is for the friends and families of problem drinkers.  I really think that being face to face with, and hearing from, others who have been in your situation will not only be a great help, but also a great comfort.

    You are not alone.  That is so important to understand.  And when you reach out and others can give you support and information about how they dealt with situations that are either very similar, or absolutely the same, you will hopefully be able to move forwards in the matter.

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    • Posted

      He actually went to AA meetings but he could not follow through with them as he said the more they talked about drinking, the more he wanted to. I will definitely check into Al-Anon, that would help me so much I know. Thank you so much,
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  • Posted

    I do so sympathise - definitley sounds like alcohol withdrawl and his surgeon needs to know.  Hopefully by now the immmediate issue of the surgery has been dealt with.  Then there is the longer time span, while he is in hospital and then recovering at home.  It's worth chatting to your doctor and Al Anon is good advice.  There's lots of info about alcohol withdrawl and alcohol use disorder on this site.  

    Yopu describe your partner as an alcoholic - does he describe himself thus?

    Wishing you all the best

     

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    • Posted

      His operation is over and went well. He seemed to be able to calm himself down before. Yes, he does describe himself as an alcoholic, he knows, but not quite ready to get help yet. I am so grateful for all your responses. Thank you so much, wishing you all the best too !
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    • Posted

      I'm so pleased it went well. Maybe this horrible experience when trying to go a few days without the booze will help him realise the way his body responds to it and nudge him to get some help.
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  • Posted

    He is withdrawing from alcohol, by the sound of things. Did his surgeon know he was an alcoholic when he booked the surgery? Because the anaesthetist needs to know, too.

    What you're describing is, in fact, normal, as far as withdrawal symptoms go. I am thinking that your partner should tell the medical staff at once so that they can treat his withdrawal symptoms

    My husband is also an alcoholic so I know where you're coming from.

    Message me any time.

    Love Tess

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  • Posted

    Unfortunately in my experience as an alcoholic and having a family of alcoholics..this is normal.  Your husband will feel better as far as the "withdrawals" he was experiencing because he will be placed under sedation for the surgery. 

    I did this once...had a procedure to be done..so I was afraid to die so I told the Dr. that I was having withdrawals...and they told me I would be ok.

    He in my opinion is  pushing you away....I don't know him..but when I drank..I did push people away because they were intruding on my buzz....which I thought was a buzz...but it really was just getting enialated...to forget life.

    I usually drink over life stressors...I never drink for fun.  If there was a lot of stress I wanted to drink and I did'nt care if ANYONE didn't like it including my kids.

    SO...you probably should think about what your "limit" is...how long will you wait for him to recover?  Or will you start a plan...to improve your happiness and well being?

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    • Posted

      'SO...you probably should think about what your "limit" is...how long will you wait for him to recover?'

      Don't say that Missy, this is the person she loves. They're both having a tough time of it at the moment.

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    • Posted

      RHGB...this is off topic...and you should PM me or word this differently to address Lynn....Like...I disagree with Misssy....and why?  And you can be compassionate to her....

      Lynne..I agree with RHGB that you are having a tough time.  I am standing strong on my statement about thinking about your "limit".

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    • Posted

      This message is for Lynn.

      I read, many years ago, about a woman whose husband is an alcoholic and she had made a conscious choice to stick by him as alcoholism is an illness. I have made that same conscious choice. Misssy is, I think, giving you good advice, to make up your mind where you stand on this.

      Lynn, only you can make that choice. It may not be the same as mine but it's equally valid. I'm very sorry you're going through this at the moment. Decide for yourself - that's all that any of us can do - we know our personal limits. \let us know if we can help you at all.   Lots of love from Tess.

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