Lymphoma fear driving me crazy?

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I need some help with health anxiety at the moment. I know I'm terrified of my own mortality before I transition/ I'll start off I'm 14, and ever since last year I've been having skin problems. Last June, I started getting these weird red spots (I thought I had Leukaemia) whenever friction or heat was put on to wear I had waistbands, so underwear. This has come back occasionally but not much and I figured it was heat rash, but then in the winter I started getting itchy whenever I was lying in bed at night on the outside of my thighs. This stopped and really didn't worry me at the time, as it soon subsided. In May this year I got hit with a bout of health anxiety where I convinced myself I had Lymphoma because I felt  lumps in my neck and then I got itchy, this is probably from reading the symptoms. I went to the Doctor's, and I was told there were no lumps in my neck as she couldn't feel anything and I was so happy. Then my sister got diagnosed with cancer the next week, crazy, right? Considering that the cancer she has (salivary gland) kept popping up when I was Dr.Googling, I thought it was my fault. However, since my sister recieved the diagnosis, my HA has become more frequent. I had it bad before but it was only roughly three times a year I'd convince myself I had cancer or some disease. However, I've now progressed into scaring myself my mum, dad and my other sister had cancer. They're fine, but I'm convinced I'm not. This Lymphoma fear has reoccured about three times since, and now it's back again. I've had some mild itching around my collar bone, sternum, top leg, and rib. It's surface area, although I say mild, sometimes it did feel deep especially when my leg was itchy and when I do itch hives come up and then disappear again? I thought I was getting bit at first. I've also had an itchy scalp but I think I've always had that. But now, of course I've read that people had itching for years before they got diagnosed with Lymphoma so I'm scared that I'm going to get symptoms in the future. I just don't want to die, not so young and I'm afraid. I'm afraid everyone I love is going to die and it's really not good. I'm so excited to transition and I want to get my GCSE results next year and join the RAF and most of all transition. This thing really holds me back from enjoying myself, anyone have any words of wisdom?

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  • Posted

    For a long time I thought I had lymphoma.  I guess I grrew out health anxiety after numerous dr's visits told me i didn't have any cancer.  Now that I'm even older i realise death is unavoidable.  If we can convince ourselves to accept it, even embrace it then these cancer scares won't be so horrible.  Your itching is no doubt a self fulfilling symptom since you are so preocccupied with it you'll start to feel itchy.  I itch constantly and thought it was my lliver.  It's not.  You seem like a bundle of nerves.  If you don't feel better soon you should find a proffessional to speak to and get all this out.
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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply. I'm feeling a bit better about the whole thing now because my itching is not as bad. I mean I hardly had any today and although I had some it wasn't really itchiness, more of a tickle. I had a really rough panic attack last night about the whole thing because my sternum was like a burning itching but I don't know if that were from reading all the forums about the lymphoma itch. I know last time I was scared I had lymphoma my itching to bad and went away after my doctors said it were okay. I'm going to have to see a counsellor again soon because I mean the anxiety and the OCD which comes along with it is certainly not good for me at the moment. But do you think the fact my sister has cancer lower my chance of havin cancer because of the rarity of teen cancer?
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    • Posted

      i can't tell you about your cancer risk.  I'm not a genetic physician.  My mother had cancer and none of her children has ever had it.  I'm a smoker and I haven't yet been officially diagnosed with smoking related cancer although I fear soon they may turn around and tell me.  Thaat's something a person can control, however and not do.  I would try to find some way of learning to cope without being overly preoccupied with having serious diseases.  Skin itching can be caused by many variant conditions that are not deadly.  I get terrible itching at times and I can't figure out what it is and I haven't been diagnosed with lymphoma.  I had enlarged nodes in my neck years ago and I was so hysterically worried I had lymphoma but it turned out I didn't.  Many times a person can believe they are experiencing symptoms and signs of cancer and turns out to be nothing.  Maybe it's even psychosomatic caused by underlying anxiety.  

      There are ways of treating and alleviating the type of anxiety you suffer from.  Combinations of therapy and counselling and even some certain medications help at times.  Also, perhaps trying to involve yourself in something enjoyable or interesting or challenging.  I knoow that is difficult when you are very anxious and frighterened..  You do not want to live with this level of anxiety all the time.  You need to reachh out and get whatever help there is to give you some peace of mind.

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