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M E has taken away the person I was

Posted , 6 users are following.

Deb1982
Deb1982

When I read all the comments here every day the one that stands out for me is the fact that over the last 2years is that it takes your personality away.

with most illnesses the real person stays with them,but with M E it slowly drains you as person.

when I look in the mirror it is not me that looks back....Debbbie has finally left and been replaced with someone who is looking older, does not laugh and the thought of socialising scares me, I only go out with my husband to the supermarket once a week, up till 3moths ago I could not even do that as I started having panic attacks when out.

i have a fantastic husband who works hard all week and does all the house hold jobs ie cleaning washing cooking so that has been taken away too.

The doctor said she would come back,I use to see her in the distance but she has left  and the person I am I do not like.

does anyone else feel like this or is it just me

3 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • joanna36230
    joanna36230 Deb1982

    Posted

    I feel the same, every day is hard to get through the day. sometimes I think I would be better of dead, I really don't know how to go on feeling so awful. It has been 5 years and stil no one knows what is wrong with me, except vitamin D deficiency...I used to be so different, funny outgoing ,so energetic. Now I am angry, moody and irritable. I feel hot all the time and my back really hurts, I am totally exhausted and covered in aches and pains. I have to go on as I have to look after my son its not his fault im like this, but I actually look forward to dying so I don't have to suffer any more..
    • scooper
      scooper joanna36230

      Posted

      Joanne you made me cry when i read your post as i often feel the same way as you but then i remember our life is a gift and we have to be strong you have to find a way to keep your inner strength xx
    • Deb1982
      Deb1982 joanna36230

      Posted

      It is sad to think you want to leave you life are you on any depression medication,I am as I too got so low, it helped a lot and also helped with the pain.

      I think maybe another visit to the doctors and tell him how you feel let it all out, I  sat in his office crying and said all that was wrong and then said to him even I know some thing is going on so please please help me, he then sat up and listened. Appointments were made for me to be seen alsorts of doctors and 3moths later I had a diagnoses , so chin up and I know it will not be easy but you have to push and scream until they help you

      biggrin

       

    • ChloeCybil
      ChloeCybil joanna36230

      Posted

      I feel your pain as I am going through the same symptoms. The only difference is I do not have a child to care for. I would not be able to cope as I can hardly take care of myself some days. I hold onto the fact that I will get better and I do have some good days. You will too. Hang in there.
  • scooper
    scooper Deb1982

    Posted

    i totally agree i was beginning to think that the older me was in my imagination but i used to be 'happy smiley shaney' always thinkimg positive but my emotions are erratic lately and very unpredictable i feel very lonely and the pain just about tops it off but i have to add my husband of 14 days died, ive had cancer 3 times withing the past 10 yrs i want to detach my soul from my body but im alive and i have no ption but to find the strength from smewhere to keep going. This morning i went back to work today after haveing a small heart procedure and then my cfs set in ... not even my manager asked if i was ok can you believe that so then i thaught id try and make conversatiuon to reming thm im a nice person and then worked even harder to prove im a hard worker i want to shout and scream mad but i somehoe find my inner strength and remind myself that life is precious and also to thank the lord that this forum exists so that we are able to be honest about our feelings x
    • joanna36230
      joanna36230 scooper

      Posted

      this is to all of you. thanks for your lovely comments... I really think the vitamin D deficiency has a lot to do with how I feel. I have doubled the dose my GP gave me after reading up about what a world renowned expert said about vit D deficiency being responsible for so many illnesses including ME, FM depression and anxiety. I really hope this is the answer as I am starting to feel better, less depressed and more like my old self. I can't  believe how bad things go, I actually handed in my notice, had a good job in managment, but now going part time as a normal worker. I really need to work part time though to recover so I am doing the right thing. It is so nice to have this place to be able to talk about it as I never talk to anyone about how ill I feel as the doctor I saw a few years ago made me think it was all in my head, somatic illness she called it. It was only when I plucked up the courage to go to a different GP that they found the vit D deficiency and then I thought, what else have they missed!

      I really hope you all get better and I hope I do too! I feel a lot more hopeful today. If the Vitamin D works, I will let you all know, I will list my symptoms and how much Vit D I had to take and for now long in the hope it will help someone else... xx

       

    • ChloeCybil
      ChloeCybil joanna36230

      Posted

      I have been thinking of upping my dose of vit. D also, as that seems to be the only thing I am deficient in. I have been sitting outside every day in the hopes that the fresh air and sun will also help. Planning on starting short walks tomorrow in the hopes that the exercise will also build up my stamina again.
  • sally_14743
    sally_14743 Deb1982

    Posted

    Life is precious . However limited we may be by illness. Hope is vital . Hope that it won't always be like this forever.

    endurance is vital

    endurance is not gritting our teeth and head down putting up with what life throws at us. 

    Its head up facing forward walking into the storm determined to get through. 

    Endurance builds in us strength of character that is stronger in us than being a laugh or a lot of fun it builds qualities in us we can't get without going through it.

    i don't have CFS but the love of my life does and it breaks my heart to see him suffer but I love him just as much with CFS in fact I see another side of him and wonderful qualities in him as he endures. I have just lost my mum who I cared for too . So I sympathise with the feelings of suffering ...and darkness  . But hang in there it won't always be this bad . Hope...means believing you will kick CFS up the butt one day wink 

     

  • Hannahjade
    Hannahjade Deb1982

    Posted

    I do too, one of the things that I am trying to do is to stop comparing myself with my oldself and start to build a new me. Becasue if we continually look in the past at what we were, we will get stuck and depressed, instead accept what you can do right now and live in the present and look forward to the future.
    • scooper
      scooper Hannahjade

      Posted

      I know that your advice is very good its just really difficul to do when you are in a bad place in your head but will give it ago smile
  • Flowerlady
    Flowerlady Deb1982

    Posted

    You sound like me, I am stuck indoors all week while my husband works away. I am able to drive, but have no where to go as I have no friends and no social life since I have felt so ill. My only link is being on forums like this one, some one to chat with that suffers the same. I am exhausted all day long full of aches and pains. Wonder what we have done in life to be given an illness like this...
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