Male menopause??

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Hi everyone, I was just wondering if men go through a sort of change, I have been married 23 years (together thirty in total). My husband has always had a high sex drive and i was always on the other end of the scale. I am 51 and he is 50. He has been through alot of life changes, his job which he was in for years ended ( redundancy) and he met his real birth mother after nearly fifty years. This in itself caused a few problems as she only wanted to know him and not his family, so i have felt a bit left out. He isn't as bad as he was with her (totally obsessed with the idea of meeting her ( which i could understand to an extent). He isn't particularly happy in his new job and i feel this doesn't help. He complains of always feeling tired and has gained abit of weight (although being tall he carries it off) I'm feeling abit unloved as the closeness has gone due to lack of sexual closeness, when i confront him he just says perhaps he is going through a sort of change. He doesn't understand it isnt about the sex, it is more about feeling loved. This menopause bussiness doesn't help me as i feel depressed myself, i also have the empty nest syndrome and feel in limbo. I'm certain there isnt anyone else, i just wondered am i the only one whose husband has lost all interest??

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  • Posted

    Changes changes!  Not he's not the only one...I wonder perhaps...is he having any performance 'concerns'?  My long term boyfriend also put on some weight due to his job (driving all week) and little exercise..and let's just say sometimes he's in the mood but everything isn't working! wink   So he tended to avoid me sometimes when it started...and I finally had us sit down for a talk...telling him it's ok...we both are going through changes - and at least let's keep things 'close' when we can...ie - neck massage or foot massage - or even just a walk outside after dinner holding hands while we walk.  I think he feels better as it's less pressure on him..and for me my desire is low anyway for past year at least...so I'm kind of off the hook at the moment too...on occasion things work out in the bedroom and that's great too...but in the meantime- we've adjusted for now...and with both of us wanting to get healthier- I'm hoping the rest improves also.

    And yes empty nest is a BIG adjustment!!!  Takes quite a while to come to terms with it all, doesn't it?  Be good to yourself more - don't hesitate to reach out to your kids, as I told my daughter, be prepared for mom to be checking in more for a while smile    And don't forget this is YOUR time too...finding things you enjoy or even things you used to enjoy is key to getting over some of the hurdles.

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    • Posted

      Dear Vibegirl

      Thanks for your reply, yes i think sometimes that could be the reason, i remember outside noise and distractions started to put him off his stride and what with all the changes in life going on. It is just such a change from me having to fight him off and sometimes thinking of England as they say lol. I have just read a clippet in a book i have on the meno and it says quite a few men in middleage loose their sex drive. Like i said, i rather have a cup of tea lol but i do miss being desired and wanted. Meno at the best of times makes me feel old and frumpy, even though i do try to take care of myself but insecurities creep in xx

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    • Posted

      Insecurities do tend to creep in - so by all means speak up when it feels comfortable to do so.  My boyfriend 'dreads' when I ask for a chat lol...but I have come to know that usually we both feel better.  I was worrying that he was afraid to say something to me about lack of bedroom time but it turned out he was just embarrassed about his issues.  So you never know!  

      I've been working through and dealing with the frumpy part too...put on about 30lbs  sad and just done feel like myself.  BUT...after wallowing in it for a few months, I got tired of listening to myself and now I'm trying Yoga and things I actually enjoy...(walking in the country, going to an actual movie- taking up crocheting again) - that can help us feel younger when we are enthused about something! I will be addressing my eating habits soon too.   PS...the Yoga is helping with the temporary muscle/joint stiffness that creeps in - so even my doing it 3-4 times a week at home is working!  (I watch free videos online-but would do a beginners class on occasion too)- hang in there, it does get better!

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