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Male mental health question: TW for attempted suicide

Posted , 4 users are following.

julie00013
julie00013

My(21F) boyfriend (21M) was admitted into a psychiatric hospital this morning.

Two weeks ago, he tried to commit suicide and I had to hold him down to stop him from hurting himself. He ended up hurting me during the struggle, and he still feels ashamed and guilty.

This all started when his doctor told him to get off of his antidepressants, and he just spiralled down into rock bottom.

Ever since his attempted suicide, it feels like he's just had one crisis after another. I've had to take off of work to be on suicide watch, even though we need the money. He's kept me up til 2 AM on work nights. On my second day back at work, he called me and told me that he hurt himself. I rushed home to find him buried in blankets, crying bc he had smashed his fists against his thighs until there were bruises.

In the middle of all of this, our anniversary came and passed. Neither of us celebrated or even acknowledged it because of his depressionand suicide attempt.

I love him so much. My heart hurts for him and I hate that I'm powerless to help him. I'm mentally exhausted and just burnt-out from everything. Getting him admitted into a facility seemed like our only option while he's off medication. I've been encouraging him every day with words of affirmation and so many hugs. I took on the housework and cooking, and I'm the only one working while he goes through all of this. Even when he's mean to me or loses his temper, I don't take it personally because I've been there before and it is a terrifying thing to not be able to control overhwelming emotions and racing thoughts.

My question is, have any of you gone through this before? If so, what would you have liked for people to do to help you? Was there anything in particular that made you feel better? What kinds of things did you want to be told? I want to be there and support my boyfriend as best I can, but I have no idea what to say or do to make him feel more comfortable and safe when he's checked out from the facility.

Extra info:

We live together. We've been together for 2 years. He wasn't like this before he was taken off of medication. He also has an anxiety disorder.

0 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • sasical72
    sasical72 julie00013

    Posted

    Hello

    What a terrible situation, I'm so sorry. To be honest from what you say he really is in a bad way and I think there is not much you can do aside from being there for him.

    If he's in a facility, you could maybe ask the doctors there what is the best way for you to help him.

    Does he or did he take any other drugs aside from the ones the doctor told him to stop taking?

    Hopefully they can stabilize him and things can calm down a bit.

    Best of luck

  • athol91131
    athol91131 julie00013

    Edited

    Hi Julie. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I have been there from the other side ie. been the patient who is cracking up.

    1. I would get a second opinion from a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. You say all this started when his doctor told him to come off his antidepressants. So, why come off them? Was there a serious medical reason that he needed too? ie. addiction or very bad side affects. Or was this just this doctors opinion. All doctors, psychotherapists, psychiatrists etc. are not the same and I can tell you from my own experience that some of them are idiots, despite their training. They have their own hangups after all they are just human like us. So the first thing is to get the right support and not just the first thing that comes along. It took me quite a while to find the right therapist for me.
    2. Even if he needs to come off the antidepressants, you must do this very very slowly. Most doctors do not realize this. My doctor told me to come them over two weeks. This is lunacy. A doctors training in psychopharmacy is about one days training. They are not experts in this field. I have come off antidepressants twice in my life. The first time I listened to my doctor and did it quickly. I totally crashed. I became suicidal. I was in a mental hell. My emotions were all over the place. I was hell to live with (although I am a nice guy) and I became full of terror and dread. All of this was caused by a CHEMICAL crash, nothing to do with psychology. When I eventually went back on a different anti depressant after a few months I was fine. All the anxiety, trauma and drama stopped. The second time I came off I took two years! not two weeks! and even then I suffered minor withdrawal symptoms. It must be done slowly. There are websites that can give you the exact dosage to drop by and for how long. I cannot give you their names as I dont think this site allows this in case it is advertising but if you put a search in for antidepressant discontinuation reactions you may find out more. I would urge you to educate yourself by looking at reliable sources online.
    3. I have also had a massive anxiety disorder for 30 years. I no longer have it. I did a lot of talking therapy which was no use at all as anxiety does not work at the level of conscious rational thought. I 'overcame' my anxiety by using meditation (loving kindness mediation particularly 'metta') and going to a therapist who used EMDR , which is a trauma therapy (look it up). It worked. I also slowly, very very slowly came off my meds. Now I am a happy bunny,and he can be too.
    4. It sounds as if you dont have much money but if there is any way that you can get some therapy for yourself then get it. You also need help and support. Be kind to yourself as much as you can and get breaks when you can, Do not feel guilty. It is not your fault in any way. You are doing your best and that's all you can do. You cannot fix somebody else's life.
    5. What I needed to hear were words of comfort. I needed to be told that I was not losing my mind and that I wouldn't die from this terrible experience also that I could come back from this stronger and wiser and a better person than before. I felt like a five year old and needed comforting as a five year old. I needed to be held and mothered. Now, all this is fine, if you can do it. But you have to bear in mind that I didn't believe any of it and he probably won't either but it's still nice to hear it. H will be very needy of you which is a real turn off I know but all you can do is the best that you can whilst trying to protect and look after yourself as well.
    6. What he really need, you can't give him, which is professional help froma compassionate and experienced therapist. You are not qualified to deal with this situation so the best thing you can do for him is to help find him the right help. In my experience psychiatric institutions did not help. They just confirmed to me that I had gone nuts (which I hadn't) but maybe that's just me.
    7. There is nothing essentially 'wrong' with him. He is just suffering from intense withdrawal symptoms from a drug (which anyone would have) and a state of high nervous arousal (anxiety) which is perfectly normal given his circumstance.
    8. By the way, he will also be feeling a lot of shame for being this way especially as a man, as we are taught that we should be strong and he is feeling weak.
    9. Love to you both. There are many thousands of other people who are in exactly your same situation. You are not alone. I wish you both a good recovery.
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