Marriage | Depression
Posted , 3 users are following.
I have been married to my husband for 2 years . When we were just dating I got pregnant with my 3rd child (2 year old daughter now). I was living with my mom & dad with my 2 older children then I moved in with my now husband & with his mom (whom I really dislike) . I'm the beginning of us dating he was really sweet, kind, dependable. As soon as we got married I feel that he showed me his true colors. He is very very lazy. He used to work but when we got evicted from our apartment he stopped working since January. He doesn't bother looking for a job because we are back living with his mother so he's comfortable having everything handed to him for free. Unfortunately my 2 older kids are living with my parents because my mother in law only have a 1 bedroom . She smokes a lot of cigarettes in the house which I seriously hate & my 2 older kids have asthma plus my mother in law has a mental illness that's very serious. One minute she's nice then the next she's ready to curse you out. Anyways... my husband locks himself in the bathroom for the whole day, smokes marijuana & records music. He doesn't really spend time with us. He feels that i trapt him into being a stepdad. He can't handle the pressure of being a dad & stepdad but honestly he doesn't really support them well. He doesn't buy the clothes, he never got them a Christmas present for the years he has known them plus our daughter. My step mother in law always try to talk me into leaving my husband. I guess she's not too fond of him. When we had our apartment he couldn't pay the heating bill so our heat and hott water shut off & it didn't effect him at ALL. He act as if nothing was wrong. WHen we had our apartment we had 4 bedroom so me & the kids would be upstairs and my husband would just stay in his small room which he stayed the whole day invited his friends over and recorded music. He can go from 8am -11pm. He's very very cheap when it comes to buying house supplies or things for the kids. He wouldn't really care he would expect everyone else to do it (my father in law, my parents etc). He doesn't want me to work he wanted me to be a stay home mom while he worked but how can I just sit around being a stay home mom while he is a stay home dad. No $. No goals. No plans. Nothing. I again can't stand my mother in law yes I can have a normal conversation with her but I'm trying to just put a fake smile on my face for my husband even though they both fight a lot. She's just really mentally unstable & she's the type to be in denial about it. If you tell her that she needs medication she would just act like a child and curse people out. Remind you my husband would leave and spend time with his friends while I stay home being annoyed by his mother and taking care of our 2 year old daughter. Every time when I try to find a hobby he would criticize me. Example: I really like to read books & he would make a comment like "put the book down all you do is read read read . You have other things to do" meanwhile ....he can spend as much hours as he wants being locked up in the bathroom not helping me at all with our daughter. I seriously don't know how much more I can take. I already talked to him about counseling he doesn't want to go. I try to talk to him about the situation and all he does is give me broken promises like "yeah don't worry I'll get a job" it's very depressing & stressful & the whole situation is making me want to just pack up my bags and leave because I honestly don't even know if this will get better . I miss my kids, I hate being around my mother in law & I just want to depend on him. I want him to be more responsible & stop depending on other people to do everything for him.
1 like, 2 replies
kazda ana35528
Posted
Its crazy how much women want a husband to make it all better but often is just a pain an headache.
I've been married 2 half years an most of it I've been depressed from having a 2month prem boy he's now 2
And is all fine and good now. But now I feel constant thoughts of wanting to leave if I didn't have
His child I'd go for sure. But I already have a 12 yr daughter to another guy an a similar thing happened an I left him when she was about this age.
We don't have time or no money for counselling but that is the only thing I believe could save any marriage. You need a third party to ask the hard questions and get to the bottom.
I think you should make the appointment and say were going or we will end up apart. Life's too short to not live happily. Im a hypocrite though I'm scared to leave for hurting another child splitting from their dad. My daughter
Still isn't over being split week on an off between us.
wayne1962 ana35528
Posted
Hi Ana - sorry to read of your situation. Some hard facts: 1/ You cannot change someone else. Only they can change themselves, and they will only do that when what they want something else more than what they currently have. 2/ You can change things for yourself. It means letting go of an ideal that clearly isn't going to materialize and moving on for the sake of yourself and your children.
Go out and find that job. It's the gateway to your future financial, familial and personal freedom. He is in the bathroom smoking dope and recording music. Just imagine the wage if he did that for a job - but he can't be bothered. Don't let him dictate to you. Get things rolling, then tell him this is how it is. Don't let him play on your emotions with empty promises for the future. Empower yourself and get the hell out of there.